Fed up of reading threads asking how they can get out of paying care home fees.

Completely agree.

Also the same people who use tax loopholes to reduce their tax bill

I don't get why people feel its the government's/the country responsibility to pay for their care ?

As the only reason to not take statins is becuase you are basically accepting death (not something I am against, dependent on your state of health) then it would make sense you can't get life insurance, nor should you be in a position where you need it. No travel insurance for medical risks is also an acceptable downside if you're that close to the end of your life.

I hope my parents neighbours didn't think this when mum was in the street shouting. We begged dad to put mum in respite or FT care. He absolutely refused to the detriment of his own health. From what I know now he was incredible in what he dealt with on a daily basis and it breaks my heart. He had 2 reasons - he'd promised my mother he'd care for her, and being born to a single mother in the 1930s with no money his small bungalow that he owned was so important to him. He desperately wanted that money to come to his children. Whilst we desperately wanted more years with him. 😞

"You didn't want to pay." Nor did you - they did. Your post sounds a little whiny. 70K is a lot of money but it could have been a lot more. That might only cover one yr of costs depending on where you are.

But you did care for your mother for 8 years - where many families don’t consider that an option.

The problem is that you sell your house to pay for the care and then end up living longer than the house can pay for. When this happens, the state take over and you find yourself moved into poorer quality care. You are not funding high quality care until the end of your life and have no security. Most people want their assets to go to their children and are tired of constantly subsidising others with no return.

And is that really how you can best serve your family? Are they really more concerned to have your money than to see your life continue while you are still well?

I empathise because euthanasia isn't an option. I've worked bloody hard to afford my home and I want it to go to my children.

Heaven forbid I get an awful, slow degenerative condition that will be drawn out for years, traumatise my kids, and cost thousands in care, from both my own and the public purse.

We afford the right of a humane death to animals, I'd like the option for myself too.

Sorry to sound flippant, I genuinely don't want to upset anyone or for anyone to think I think that their own relatives life isn't worth living, my view is purely down to how I view my own life and finances.

ETA - If the gov won't allow that option and insist on keeping me alove, they should pay for it.

I will look to get around this by spending all my money or gifting it to my children in my 60s!

I will buy a 1 bed apartment for as cheap as possible!

I don’t care if people think my approach is unethical

The govt has done a few unethical things recently where my finances are concerned!

Haven't read the full thread.

What I don't understand is there seems to be this misconception that anyone having their care paid for by the state is somehow a scrounger and 'never paid into the system' yet is being subsidised by those paying full fees.

The second part of that is technically true; those paying full fees are subsidising those who aren't - but the first part just isn't. Many, many people whose care fees are being paid by the council have worked all their lives in low-wage jobs, have lived in council or rented properties so no home to sell, and have used up all their limited savings on care home fees and THEN had to have the state take over. What is the alternative once all their money is gone? The same will happen to those who currently pay the full whack, if they live long enough. No pot of money lasts indefinitely. My aunt was in a care home for 14 years after having a stroke. She was loaded, but the money from her house sale and savings still only lasted 6 years.

This indicates the nature of the problem, it really isn't as simplistic as a lot of people imply. We all know of people who have had similar incomes, usually because we have worked in the same job, but have had wildly different attitudes to life. Some have lived from overdraft to overdraft whereas others have been careful with the same amount of money. Those who have burned through every penny they earned will now expect to be supported by those who have been careful and made provision for their old age. That's the unfairness.

Would you be happy to have no care then? Or just think everyone else should pay for you?

They are absolutely NOT getting the best care money can buy at 2k a week.

They are getting the same substandard care as everyone else and the person sat next to them who is being funded by the LA.

£70k would last about 9 months. It could have been so much more.

I second that!

I can't tell you how sick I am reading complete rubbish like this. Have you got any idea what extreme old age, with severe dementia actually looks like?

Millennia! Don't make me laugh. People died in their 60s and 70s until recently, now they are living well into their 80s and 90s. At least three women in the care home my DM was in were over 100.

When mine and DH's parents were our age (mid 60s) all our grandparents had died. DHs father died in his mid 80s, having never really recovered. We looked after his mum for 10 years after his death. In the end her Alzheimer's got so bad she was calling the police because she thought we were hiding her potatoes. She died from heart problems because the operation she needed was delayed by Covid.

We looked after my mum at home for 8 years, until she had to go into a care home because she was doubly incontinent, had no mobility and had to be turned twice during the night. That level of care cannot be managed in a domestic situation.

So fuck off with your trite 'families should look after their old people' spiel until you have actually been through it and know how hard it is.

It was the same situation as my dad. I’m so sorry you have been through it too.

I don’t think the people who ask why they can’t be looked after by family have seen the devastation that dementia causes a person. You absolutely couldn’t keep someone safe, and the rest of your family safe, 24 hours a day

Since mortgage interest tax relief was abolished there’s been a plethora of benefits aimed at families with children…this has subsidised families far more than homeowners were ever subsidised!

There's nothing in your post to suggest being in a care home would reduce this individual's suffering. If she is confused and agitated, she will be confused and agitated in a care home, very possibly more so. If she is mobile and can fall, she is just as likely to fall in a care home. You might not see it, but she will still suffer.

I don't know what the society wide solution is, but I hope I'm able to throw myself off a cliff good and early, and if there's any inheritance to be had, DS can have it.

Depressing topic, but 3 generations of DH’s family have died of non-malignant brain tumours that slowly caused blindness/loss of mobility and then death. DH arranged with his DNephew (both doctors) that they would each travel to Switzerland with the other if diagnosed to help with the formalities. Both have paid their dues to the necessary “dead club” as they call the clinic! V sensible imo.

Yes its unfair when someone in the same home gets it for free. The ones that pay fund the ones that don't. £2k a week soon burns through someone's savings. However I know that they are getting the best care they can buy. But also this is no life to live and they extend that life for more money. Its so difficult in cases of dementia.

To keep people at home with complex needs just so that money is not spent cannot be in the person's best interest.

Because it's dangerous.

We would have had to move house, had it adapted - where would this money come from? With advanced dementia my mother shouts and screams through the night. She is doubly incontinent and in her confusion grabs her soiled pad, handles the faeces and gets covered in it every night. It takes two trained care workers to clean her and her soiled bed whilst she fights back.

How would I work? How could I leave the house even to do the school run? It would be a hideous and frightening environment to raise my family. It would be a sentence. Now the worst is shielded from me and my mums dignity kept, so when I visit we get quality time and she is safe with full nursing care 24/7.

Getting older is not a charmed existence for all. It's pretty grim for the majority. My father said before he died that my mother would ruin our lives if I undertook 24hr care. Going into care was her fear so it's been a hard journey for both of us. But I have to stress that there was no alternative. I hope this is a path you don't have to choose.

To put 'insurance to avoid having to sell the family home and miss IHT' in perspective, the ballpark numbers I understand are c£50k pa fees and an average duration of stay is c20 months.

It's a different beast but the care fees 'cap' government discussed was £86k excluding accommodation/'hotel' costs.

My recollection was the proposed government report's insurance premium was sufficiently significant that government thought no one would be willing to pay it as the likelihood of needing a care home place is relatively small. In theory, a small percentage of incurring a large loss seems ideal for insurance but government thought the numbers didn't stack up and didn't want to alienate those older voters.

And, if people did pay then we'd expect people to go into care earlier for longer hence pressure the planning assumptions or face a 'DWP' PIP style eligibility fight before they could 'go in' for what they'd paid for, perhaps?

You don't know me and yes I will. I have a thought through and realistic plan for this. I know it means I will have to end my life whilst still healthy enough to do this.

The only thing that could stop it if is I have a sudden catastrophic accident, but I'm looking into ways to get arrangements in place to have my views on DNR and refusing consent to medical care known.