To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

OP, I really hope you will move to protect yourself from your husband.

He is a complete moron and such a level of stupidity is a real danger to you and your children.

Do not trust him.
He is a liar who would risk his own family to impress his "betters"? 🙄🤢🤮

So creepy.

Please separate your finances and tell the bank you want double signatures on everything as he is a con artists dream with the levfl of stupidity he exhibits.

You do realise he isn't normal?
Men of normal intelligence do not do this.

I hope you feel better soon and protect yourself asap.

I am so glad you got your money back.

Next step = divorce.

sorry op, your husband sounds very stupid, very naive, financially immature, gullible… (you are welcome to show him this because he needs to wake the fuck up). He has been taken for a ride and he fell into it face first AND still doesn’t realise how badly he’s been played (wtf is he talking about which present to get her? He needs to run away from her as hard as he can and NEVER see her again). Honestly, either he’s really stupid or he’s besotted with her. Is he in love with her? Maybe secretly? Or did they have an affair?
Did I really read it correctly that the woman’s husband was also mad at her for raising capital for the son? So the husband didn’t know about the £40k???? And YOUR husband still doesn’t think he has been conned and is listening to “financial advice” from her????

please op, tell everyone you know what happened. Not in a menacing way, but just matter of fact. Just to help the penny drop in your (hopefully soon to be ex) husband’s brain how utterly stupid he was and to teach him to NEVER spend another penny on anything else outside the family without your permission. And he needs to shut up talking money with other people. If he’s that gullible he needs to zip his mouth because his actions around con people can’t be trusted.

She needs to protect our assets by taking it off our hands

Never give her a penny ever again! I would bet she's involved in some sort of money ponzi scheme, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. There's something very fishy!

I think he knew about it but wasn’t happy about it (sounds like she is in charge) and maybe he is fed up of people asking for money back because she did all this and he has had enough? It also totally seems like they absolutely had the money to pay it back but wanted to keep it as long as possible (better for them to earn the interest than pay it to someone else) and maybe he wasn’t fully on board?
If he was angry in front of OP’s husband then he must have had some sort of problem with the way she was behaving.

I’m not being picky OP but earlier in your thread you said after the friends apologised to you for not being able to help you and your dh with refurbishments ‘they’ spoke to your husband alone to ask him for the £40k. So her dh did know about it all this time? They sound like such a shady couple. Why on earth would you care about the friendship ending. It could never be the same again anyway.

Please ensure you speak to another financial advisor, ideally chartered, before making any decisions. Your kids are young, inheritance tax isn’t top of the priorities at the moment. I ran the scenario by my husband, who is a chartered financial advisor, and he thought it was very odd advice, although without specifics, couldn’t say for sure.

You can always employ your own financial adviser who is nothing to do with her. A second opinion. She is completely unprofessional - she needs reporting if it's true that she took £40k off you with no paperwork. There are other people out there who can advise YOU and not your DH, especially about protecting YOUR assets (not his).

OK. But you take care of yourself. I think in your position I wouldn't do anything that tied me further financially to him. It's just a hunch, but there is definitely something quite strange here. If I am wrong then that's great. You've got your money back and can move on from it all. But do take care.

I'm glad you didn't remortgage.
I also would not advise putting your house in a trust for your kids. If you need to divorce him then that would be insanely complicated. Did you hear her say that, or did he tell you she said that? I went through your posts (just because I now think your dh might not be being stupid actually) and it isn't super clear whether or not you have heard her say things, in person, or if it's your dh reporting what she's advised him.

Totaly weird !
Is he away to see her again ?
@SpaceMoo Op I think is something else going on with your dh .

So this woman borrowed £40 THOUSAN from you and kept it for a year. she's finally, begrudgingly, transferred it back to you, but not offered to pay any interest, or give you any gift to say thank you?

Please set up a new bank account to deposit the remaining savings into, and ensure that your husband cannot access it! He's obviously a gullible idiot that can't be trusted. He needs to be told (a) not to take out any more loans or enter into any financial agreements of any kind, without discussing it with you first. and (b) not to take any more financial 'advice' from this woman, who sounds like she's not managing her own finances very well.

i would be tempted to go to the party and talk to people. Lots of people. And see if there's anyone else who's been stung in the same way. And talk to her husband and make it clear how stressful this situation has been for you. And tell her son that this has caused problems for you, and that your entire famiily are unimpressed. Then ditch them.

Good news, but how did CF pay you back if the court case didn't go her way? It doesnt add up! Something else is going on with your DH. Why not tell CF that he's transferring the money to his Dsis? (Not that it's any of her business.) Does the DSis live near CF so he'd pop in to see CF on the way back? He seems in her thrall - is he in love with her? Is he somehow more involved in her CF scam than he's saying?

No present, no party. Or go, get drunk and let slip to everyone that you've only come because you got the monies back and watch a queue form of other "friends" who given her loans asking her for their monies back too! I guarantee it won't be just you she owes!

You need to keep a close eye on your finances as something is fishier than an old kipper here. Keep your distance from CF as her world will collapse soon enough.

I agree and still think you should see a solicitor.

Your DH has got you used to him removing very large sums of money, and then getting them back. I'd be concerned that one day that money isn't coming back.

So: you told your DH you were going to get a solicitor involved, and the money was back in your account the next day?
Sorry but your dh is in this somehow. I don't know how, but I'd be going through your finances with a fine tooth comb if I were you.

She sounds as dodgy as fuck and when things go tits up for her, I wouldn't want there to be any connection between us - that includes socially as well as financially.

This is so bizarre. He’s afraid that the CF who left you hanging for £40K for over a year will find out that it was just you wanting your own money back?!! So he had to pretend it was his sister’s?

He’s so impressed by her and in her thrall you can virtually hear the bowing and scraping and forelock tugging, ‘so sorry I need you to give me back my money, but it’s not actually all my money so it’s not really my fault I’m having to ask you - pleeeeese still like me, Mrs Cheekyfucker’. And now rushing to his sister’s to consolidate the lie.

Either that or he’s terrified of her. Be honest, OP, does she have secret footage of him shagging a sheep or something? 😂

She panicked when you weren't going to go away, good job you aren't as wet as your H
It probably came from someone else though
Just be aware that she may be furious that you had the audacity to ask and you may find yourself trashed now, either way you (and your idiot H) should keep her at arms length

I think I can speak for the OP.

She doesn't want to go to the party.
She doesn't want anything to do with the woman who has caused issues between OP and her DH.

Bizarre: how does this woman know whether or not you visit his sister? Why do you actually need to go?

So he went over there, gave a narrative about why he needed the money back sooner than waiting for her to sell… and hey presto she just transferred it back?

Why is he upset about that? She had had the money for longer than the original timescale, the friendship is clearly still intact to party-attending levels in his mind?

@SpaceMoo you say her DH was unhappy? I wonder if a lot of creditors have suddenly come calling? He may be suddenly seeing the extent of the problem. 'Raising' £400k+ just means borrowing. All the financial jargon is just window dressing for debt.

It isn't uncommon between couples for one person to be in sole charge of finances. Perhaps she has been spinning the 'financial whizz' line with him as well. In his shoes I would be checking my pension very closely.

Glad you got your money back though I do think your DH is still in her thrall and possibly thinks this was just some unfortunate misunderstanding.

She owes lots of loans to lots of sources/friends. She chooses who/when to pay back depending upon how hairy it gets.
Ad infinitum.
This is how she's getting by.

I reckon she did give it back but is running a Ponzi scheme so will only give money back when she feels she absolutely has to.

So glad you have the money back.

As others have said, the friend's family have lied to solicitors about the origins of son's house deposit, if that's where your £40k went. I'm guessing they just said it was from the parents but you would think a professional financial advisor would have ensured a transparent paper trail?