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Original poster

To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

737 replies

SpaceMoo · 01/04/2025 09:44

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaceMoo · 06/04/2025 20:22

I really think she was planning to keep the money and for us (me and her) to have a conflict (I’ll update as to why)
and then she can block DH as a man who is harassing her…

We just feel so relieved to have the money back. Have paid off some of the loans. Kitchen - we might not pay that off as it’s 0% Paid off other bills.

Should I go to the party? Why??? I want to have nothing to do with her.

A part of me just wants to cry with relief! DH had even bought me a fountain for Mother’s Day from our DS and fixed it in the garden. Normally he’s really good!

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaceMoo · 06/04/2025 20:04

I think things changed because this is the first time I have played it differently by saying I WILL GO TO HER PARTY. This thread helped and getting different opinions on how to make it work for my benefit and get the money back by going (or at least threatening that Of course I’ll be going!) instead of avoiding.

I’m an introvert and avoid parties and conflict. Thought I can do it, I hate them.

Thank you to the posters who suggested turning up to the party, maybe armed with legal documents, making her uncomfortable and outing her scam.

DH assumed I would just bail out, as I’ve been avoiding her for a year and he’d love to go and mingle/enjoy by himself. I think he was starting to enjoy going by himself.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaceMoo · 06/04/2025 19:56

I will update this thread again but I was so rundown and am catching up with laundry and work, (actually mostly chilling in the garden) today. DH has gone to visit his sister. I wish I could have gone too. Would have been nice break.
To those asking, SIL has nothing to do with it at all. If she heard she would tell DH off probably. Hasn’t a clue. He used his sis as an excuse to get money off CF as nothing was working. I think it’s his way of creating some distance from this woman. She was obsessed with helping her son and grandchildren buy a house and made DH suddenly feel like he’s her only friend.

I’ve been saying to DH to tell his family and friends - and I’ve gone out of my way to tell his brother which he didn’t want me to do, caused a massive argument. Don’t think his friends know either. This was after the second time asking back and he was upset about it himself around Christmas time. He seems to have got himself cornered alone by this CF and he felt too ashamed to even admit it. During that time I had said she could just sell a car or ask one of her friends for the money since we’re asking back for it? And he said that’s not how it works for rich people! Am I mad they don’t just go and sell a car!

Later he said, I know she could pay me back if she wanted to so I’m so pissed off!

He seems to think he is invested in propping up her lifestyle? He said she’s a multi millionaire and I’m being petty! He said she’s waiting for these tenants to move out and she’ll sell her house and we’ll have our money back.

errr
Dh has been totally humbled and really come down many pegs. Thing is she is not our financial advisor. We don’t have one. She’s just a ‘friend’ who is a financial advisor. So is that illegal? This is DH’s fault.

OP posts:
MarkingBad · 06/04/2025 18:57

Come to think of it not only does she get 0% interest on a long term loan (with no actual contact, she gets it on no terms and no actual evidence it was a loan), she gets to earn interest/invest on her 40+K while someone else is told to remortgage to fund their refurb while she gets to make money out of them.

She doesn't have to be robbing Peter to Pay Paul, borrowing on lower interest than you can earn is how the rich get to keep rich

MarkingBad · 06/04/2025 18:48

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2025 18:24

If she did why would she need to borrow it from OP?
I do agree though, as long as the people who have borrowed it are the ones who have returned it OR if its someone else who knows where the money is going then its all good.
The concern is that if this women is a serial con woman she may have "borrowed" it from somewhere else.

Show quote history

Who can beat 0% interest while keeping your own cash in the bank?

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2025 18:24

MarkingBad · 06/04/2025 18:11

Depends on what's in her account or her DHs, perhaps even her sons. Who knows, as long as the money is paid back by the family who owe it.

Why would she not have 40k in her bank as an IFA?

Show quote history

If she did why would she need to borrow it from OP?
I do agree though, as long as the people who have borrowed it are the ones who have returned it OR if its someone else who knows where the money is going then its all good.
The concern is that if this women is a serial con woman she may have "borrowed" it from somewhere else.

MarkingBad · 06/04/2025 18:11

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2025 18:04

My Business Account has a £20k per day limit but I do appreciate that others may have higher limits
I would wonder where this woman got £40k from instantly like that though,especially if she is an IFA. Hopefully it was hers to give

Show quote history

Depends on what's in her account or her DHs, perhaps even her sons. Who knows, as long as the money is paid back by the family who owe it.

Why would she not have 40k in her bank as an IFA?

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2025 18:04

MarkingBad · 06/04/2025 17:53

You can transfer amounts like 40k easily from business accounts. Personal accounts would depend on your account.

My Business Account has a £20k per day limit but I do appreciate that others may have higher limits
I would wonder where this woman got £40k from instantly like that though,especially if she is an IFA. Hopefully it was hers to give

MarkingBad · 06/04/2025 17:53

You can transfer amounts like 40k easily from business accounts. Personal accounts would depend on your account.

Treesarenotforeating · 06/04/2025 17:35

That is brilliant news OP
note to your DH - do not borrow or lend money at all to anyone
it’s rare it ends well

SerenaSemolena · 06/04/2025 17:12

Barclays lets me pay out up to 50k per day.

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2025 12:19

I can't transfer £40k from one of my own accounts to another one of my own accounts that quickly

CannotWaitForSummervibes · 05/04/2025 19:53

i keep thinking about your post today as I’m baffled that she could transfer 40k in one go in the evening.
Are you sure it has been transferred? Have you seen proof?
If you’ve seen the money, are you sure SHE transferred the money? Or has your husband transferred it from another account /borrowed money from God knows where (loan shark? His sister??) to get you to shut up?
Was the money transferred or paid in cash? If cash, are you sure it actually came from her? If it did, she’s into some very dodgy business. And probably your husband too. If it didn’t come from her, then your husband is into some very dodgy business.
Why does your husband suddenly have to go to his sister????? As far as I gathered your husband lied to CF about some of the money being his sister’s, but that was a lie you wrote. So what does his sister have to do either it???
I would ring the sister to find out what exactly is going on at her end.
I would insist on going to the sister with your husband. No more secrecy, no lies.
I would get independent financial advice and ask someone to look at your joint finances, because something fishy is going on here.

There’s something really weird going on here op. Don’t trust your husband as far as you can throw him either money. It wouldn’t surprise he if he’s involved in something stupid (money scam / loan shark/ dodgy business) probably with CF.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 05/04/2025 19:15

Boligrafo · 01/04/2025 09:50

£40k? Are you completely mad???

Think this says it all 😳😁

Mix56 · 05/04/2025 19:13

Im so relieved (& surprised) that her loan suddenly came in, funny that.🤨
If I were you I would tell your idiot husband if he ever lends any joint money again without your express knowledge & approval then your marriage is over.
& for the record I would not be going to her poxy show off party

Letmecallyouback · 05/04/2025 18:54

SpaceMoo · 04/04/2025 21:58

Yes I saw it, it’s come through. it’s cleared. Used some of it already to make payments.

It feels like such a weight lifted off our shoulders.

So she could have just given it back at any time but chose not to and dragged it out for over a year? Sounds like a right dodgy character. Manages to raise the money just like that when backed into a corner but was quite happy to sit back doing nothing otherwise.

MoveOnTheCards · 05/04/2025 18:44

Springhassprungthesunisout · 05/04/2025 18:29

It's just also ocured to me that when my CF BiL eventually paid me back he had to do it online in instalments over 4 days as his transfer limit wasn't high enough and would have been flagged with the bank.

How did she transfer £40k to you in one lump sum? 🤔

Excellent point. I wouldn’t trust the husband’s account of what’s happened with the repayment. Especially as he just handed over this money without even getting OP’s agreement, he’s not exactly covering himself in glory across this whole business.

Springhassprungthesunisout · 05/04/2025 18:29

It's just also ocured to me that when my CF BiL eventually paid me back he had to do it online in instalments over 4 days as his transfer limit wasn't high enough and would have been flagged with the bank.

How did she transfer £40k to you in one lump sum? 🤔

AngelRoja · 05/04/2025 17:03

OK. I have read all your comments and replies and am delighted to hear you have your money back.

My only suggestion and advice to you is that you change your financial advisor. She sounds a profesional bull sh*tter. Some financial advisors get so wound up about "tax saving" schemes that their clients end up with a complicated situation that incurs more in profesional fees than the tax saving. There is a saying "keep it simple stupid" and it amplíes to financial affairs as much as any other.

AngelRoja · 05/04/2025 16:40

Calliopespa · 01/04/2025 10:15

Yup was a mistake to lend.

But as your DH is the closer friend and as he wants to not fall out I think you have no choice. If they fall out and you can’t get the money, it’ll all be your “ fault.”

Show quote history

Regetably I think this is probably wise as you have no loan agreement. Go to the wretched party and afterwards decide what route to take. It may even hapoen that your when DH sees the money she has thrown at her party he may start to think differently. He might realize that she has never taken her obligation to to pay you back very seriously

She has the cheek of the devil to even suggest that YOU take out a loan when she owes you money.

Go to the party, dont make a drama at the party and then you cannot be blamed by your DH for being the cause of not getting the money back. THEN take action.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 05/04/2025 16:24

I would tell the DH that if I ever found out he'd discussed our financial situation or offered/been talked into lending her or anyone else our money while not in my company I'd be divorcing him.

No one has the right to discuss another person's finances and make a decision for them unless it's a permission given POA situation.

MoveOnTheCards · 05/04/2025 16:09

I’m pleased you have your £40k back @SpaceMoo but the repayment (so sudden, your fiscally-inept husband’s shady visit and report of it) sounds as dodgy as the rest of the dealings. Well sus.

Also wtf about the bullshit visit to his sister?! With wads of cash in a briefcase or something?! Ffs. This CF really has done a number on your husband, or he’s doing one on you.

In you shoes I would promptly move my share of any money into a separate, personal account and see a financial advisor of my own and a solicitor to start proceedings to leave this loser. He has put you and your family behind this cf con artist and was apparently open to the idea of risking your own resources and potentially home.

Oh, and the party? Give that a swerve, but send her a gift… the board game Monopoly sounds like her kind of thing.

Screamindreamin · 05/04/2025 15:50

He's either shagging her, or she's got something on him or he's a nut case, maybe all three , cut the twat off and if your husband keeps insisting on the friendship cut him off as well.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/04/2025 15:48

This is such a muddle.

  1. Your DH (on his own) visited CF Woman, and spoke to her DH as well who was annoyed and they paid the money back, a sum that large, just like that, out of banking hours, so unable to call the bank?

2)Then he has to go (on his own) to see his sister who has suddenly come into the picture... to back up a lie - it's not clear from your post if he's going to lie to the sister or get her to back up a lie to the CF Woman (unclear who has/who will he lie to)
Also unclear what the CF woman and the Sister have to do with each other.
3) Some of the money, amount unspecified, actually belongs to his sister. Unclear if you are going to have to pay her out of the £40k ??? or unclear if this is part of the lie he told CF Woman.
4) the fact that you seem confused about the sudden emergence of his sister in this story.
5) You yourself haven't spoken to CF woman, or the sister. Only he has. You only have his word for all of this.
6) in all this time CF woman has been giving him financial advice. It sounds like neither of you have contacted a financial advisor, or done any research online about whether its correct or not. So you don't know what is going on with your finances. Both of you have taken CF womans word for it. You have taken your DH's word for it.

Conclusion your DH is a massive liar
To whoever he is speaking to at any given moment - to CF couple, to his sister - why not to you as well? That's why his explanations have been so ridiculous.
Why?
The implausibility of his stories about this loan
The implausibility of his stories about the CF woman.
Lending £40k to someone on a handshake with no real repayment date.
The implausibility of his agreeing that the CF woman should handle your joint assets - Is this another lie? or

Is he trying to siphon money out of your joint pot, having got you to shut up temporarily about the 40k?

You know who else lies about large sums of money? Fraudsters.

If this is real, call the sister today and ask her to confirm what she thinks is going on.

Porkychops · 05/04/2025 15:14

I've never read such a story! Think of the interest you have lost! 10k in a bank account makes about £30 a month so you have lost around £120 a month to this scammer. Luckily I don't have any money to lend but it is incredible that your husband would do this!!