To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

I think we are past wondering if it was foolish. But people make mistakes and it’s not unreasonable to try to rectify them.

Well, OP herself agrees so there you go.

Is there an entry on your DH’s bank statement such as “ loan to x”?

Or did he put a recipient description such as “ loan from OP and DH.”?

You just need something to demonstrate the characterisation of it.

If she has given an update about her plans for repayment, I’d latch onto that and say “ ok, fine, we understand about the tenants but can we just put the plan in writing so we have something to work from. Otherwise I’m afraid we are going to need you to repay it now.” Of course she won’t just repay but she might just stave you off by agreeing to the repayment schedule - esp if you have a provision such as delays can be agreed. Not ideal, but what you are really needing is HER CONCESSION that repayment is envisaged. If you can bluff her into that with friendly terms, you will be in a stronger position.

It's a con. Why was she even asking your husband to borrow £40K for her son's house? Who does that? How would it even come up? She's seen an opportunity to get her hands on that money and she's taken it. It's not even your money, it's loaned! Is your husband out of his mind? This is probably what's paying for her massive birthday bash.

Sorry, but I'd brace yourself for never getting it back. She'll be nice to you until you insist on the getting that money, and then you won't see her for dust.

I noticed she has been giving financial advice, is she a qualified financial advisor?

The tenants thing sounds like an excuse. When was the money transferred?

Your husband was been extremely negligent with your personal finances providing a personal loan with no legal framework. I'm actually speechless someone would do such a irresponsible action such as that.

I really don't know what to suggest. It's going to be extremely difficult in this current climate of high household bills to reclaim that money from a single dad bar friends son selling the house.

I would actually go to the party and look to have a chat with her son to get an understanding of his personal finances and what his intention is to repay your loan.

Do you think it's helpful to a person who is looking for advice?

But not being able to get the tenants out so she can sell the house is a her problem not a you problem. She needs to find the money from another source, like a loan from a proper lender, but of course why would she do that and pay interest when you can effectively pay that interest for her?
As I said up thread, you’re not getting the money back, your Dh has gifted it to her.

I agree with you that you should go the legal route.Take her to court and go to the party.

You don’t think it’s foolish to lend 40k without signing anything, no?

Would you mind lending me 50k, if I promise to pay you back sooner or later or never?

Be careful OP. Cornered people tend to lash out and people who are deceitful will always deceive.
She works in Finance so well knows that without an agreement it's hard to enforce. You're not in a great position if all you have is a text message.
Maybe write her an email saying "dear CF, I know that you're waiting on the house sale before paying us back the £40k, but unfortunately we are in a sticky situation as we cannot afford our remortgage/loan (insert reason you are poor ) and so I'm really sorry to do this but can we get at least some of it back sooner? We are really in a pickle here"

Be nice, ham up the impact on you and see what she writes back. This then gives you ideally the acknowledgement that she owes you and when she's intending on paying it back. Bear in mind that a civil court case like this is not quick and won't be resolved before April anyway.
So you've no short term gain in antagonising her and by being nice you hopefully get a stronger position for when/if she doesn't pay back in April.

They are continuing the friendship as normal because they are fake people using friends for a lifestyle they can’t afford.

They could have sold two of their four cars
Not went on the business class holiday
Not planned a lavish party…
Paid monthly amounts to get the balance down instead…

If there is ANY fallout over asking cor your own money back then they are not real friends. You have two kids to think about above all else.

Could the son of your friend actually be your husbands?

I wonder how many of their other friends have secretly been persuaded to ''lend'' them large sums of cash?

I would be concerned that £40k was transferred without the other bank doing anti-money laundering checks - are you sure your DH hasn’t done any declarations saying that it’s a gift not a loan ?
if they were using the money to help with a property purchase they definitely would have had to declare it.

What a horrible post

I think that, in light of this, and the fact that you do not have any legal paperwork, I would not fall out with them now. They could simply tell a court that it was a gift or that they won it in a card game and it’s your word against theirs. The legal system requires proof in order to act.
You need them to feel morally obligated to pay it back and too embarrassed to let you down.
My parents made a similar (more expensive) mistake and never saw their money repaid.
You’re not being petty but however frustrating this is, all that matters now is getting your money back and they hold more cards than you do.

It was absolute insanity to loan her 40K with no legal agreement! If it was without your consent, I'd be seeking a divorce and getting legal advice. Your husband has shown a complete disregard for your financial stability as a family, this would be unforgivable to me.

Sorry signature was paraphrasing.

I would probably do this. What have you got to lose? Apart from the £40k which you might lose anyway without anything in writing. I'd also be making plans to 'lose' your useless husband, as well.