To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

He's been groomed and played. Deep down he knows it but is lashing out at you because he can't admit it.

Con mum is definitely right. He threw his partner under the bus as well when she tried to point it out to him.

Time to go around him. You can't trust him anymore.

@SpaceMoo you've had loads of advice, what are you going to do?

No, people do not take out £40k in a loan in order to give the money to a friend who apparently has a lot of their own money and great jobs and lifestyle.

You are in debt to fund their lifestyle, because they couldn’t raise the money themselves on their jobs or properties… which means they have maxed out all loan options, which means you won’t get the money back because they don’t have it.

How can you even bear to look at him.

I am another one who thinks you aren't getting this money back. You both being invited to her 50th is a cover designed to be documented in photos, SM etc to show that you are great friends... Ahead of you then going nuclear when money isn't forthcoming, making it easier to block you/cut you off.

Have you actually seen her professional credentials? She must be registered, have an office and website etc. Have you seen any of this OP?

Are you sure she hasn't paid it back to your DH & he's not telling you?

Yeah, and with her and her husband being in such good jobs, did your husband never wonder why she was struggling to raise £40k? They should have access to that amount of credit with relative ease. The fact that she couldn’t raise the money is exactly the problem; it means they are skint, in debt and living beyond their means so will never be able to pay you back. Have you proof that the house she is trying to sell isn’t mortgaged up to the hilt already?

Why does he think her liquidity issues were in any way your problem?

Yes this - I was given some money towards my house deposit and there was a lot of paperwork and proof that it had been in the account for many months involved.

@CantStopMoving I have seen Judge Rinder and can fully appreciate that people do friend's favours. But there are stringent checks in place as to the origins of any finance when house purchases are involved and I can't believe that this would pass them. Mortgage companies are not keen on deposits coming from loans, and any gifts have to be declared as such with evidence of where the money came from. So even if the friend's son said he was gifted the money from his parents, his parents would have to prove where they got the money from.

… and op I’m glad DH has come round to acknowledging he needs to chase this up. He’s been a daft twit but if he’s normally great I’m glad to think of you guys working through this.

Some posters have not had their sport on MN if they don’t implode a marriage on every thread !

I think that’s a good plan.

And it isn’t too late for something in writing. You don’t need a loan document, you just need her acknowledgment in writing that she owes repayment. That could be as simple as an email from her saying when she intends to repay.

Going nuclear and shaming her at the party will achieve precisely nothing. It might be something some posters would find cathartic in an angry way, but looked at logically it would be taking away the only leverage you currently have, which is her desire to contain this and stop it being publicly outed. That’s why doing something before the party is a good idea. It’s the threat of outing her that will have more effect than actually outing her - which will in fact turn the tables back on you by leaving her with no more to lose. Send in your rsvp: we’ll be there!!!

They are ‘visibly rich’. Big house, two cars each, gated house. I felt silly to be questioning if they would give it back.

I wonder how many others are funding their lifestyle like you are.

@CheesePlantBoxes nails it, play nice, get an admission of loan in text and then get your money back

Also I wouldn't mention again to your DH he's either still had by the con or realising he had been which will be an utter humiliation for him once it's hits and more so the more you told him so

Is this an April Fool?

I recently cooled things with a friend when she fucked me around paying me back £8!
It was the straw that broke the camel's back and it wasn't so much the money but how she lied and took me for a fool.
40K.....dear God.

Look at the date.

He thinks I’ve got a problem with her. (I didn’t used to)

He should fucking well have a problem with her. Is there something weird going on between them?

And goes on to say later there are some texts. But well spotted ⭐️

it occures to me that the "money burns a hole in their pocket" type...and I was one so I know.....doesn't get the spending dopamine hit by loaning the money to someone else?

She won’t want to get a CCJ or she’ll be struck off. Use that as leverage!

Of course she is playing you.

A decent person would not ask and would not accept money from friends in this manner.

Now that she owes you the money if there genuinely was any kind of difficulty in repaying you they would sit down with you both and discuss a payment plan and tell you they would be trading in investments and selling shares etc as well as selling a car, jewellery, clothing, anything at all of value to repay you.

I think there is more to it and could w en involve money laundering.

Your husband is an absolute brainless fool and I would divorce him asap.

jeeze
take them to court, cheeky sods

When I gifted DS deposit money towards his apartment purchase, they wanted loads of proof including screenshots of my bank account showing the money in there for a few months, and I had to sign that it was a gift and I had no claim to his house etc. I also had to say where it came from ie where I got it from originally. This was ‘only’ £20k by the way. His solicitor wanted this info - I believe they do this for money laundering checks. There will probably be a similar paper trail if your £40k was used for a house purchase, even via his parents’ account.

Honestly. This is so bizarre. Is this real ?