To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

That's what I was wondering!

Or lived with them.

DH has been flattered into thinking he is part of the 'special' crowd.

Except he isn't. The woman has used him. She wouldn't dream of asking her real friends for a loan.

She has borrowed money from DH because she looks down on him.

Yeah, while it would be tempting to hop up on a chair at the party and expose them as deadbeats, I'd don my deerstalker and do a little detective work. See what you can find out.

"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."

Just a thought: has she got any other names (maiden name included/anything funny with her first names like she goes by a middle name or nickname with you). If she has, what comes up in a google search, companies house search, financial bodies etc?
https://www.fca.org.uk/firms/accredited-bodies-advisers

I'm sorry op but these type of people never pay the money back. Professional people don't target friends.

I've lent money and borrowed money, it never ends well. I also have a BFF who has been in trouble for financial reasons. I'd rather not lend her money!

I think I'd be talking to a solicitor and putting something into the courts if this is not repaid in three months. The cost is 5% of the debt I believe. It's a civil matter.
You can send a letter of intent by signed for mail. It's a warning document.
Your husband has been a fool and these people are not your friends. She's playing him and believes she's got his ear over yours. How dare she.
I'd never speak to her again.
It's just too much money to write off.

Go to the party and invite her to coffee in the days after. Explain how it’s affecting your marriage etc and if that doesn’t work seek professional advice.

You say you know her family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, CLIENTS. At this point I would be trying to cosy up very closely with a few of those clients, if only to get a bit more information about her. Has she asked any other clients for informal, unsecured loans?
Has she given out any other (unprofessional) free financial advice?
Is she properly registered?
Would you be able to go to her governing body and report her for unprofessional conduct?
Find out what you can, as fast as you can, because she is playing you for fools and might only see sense when she feels there is a threat to her reputation.
(I'm assuming she has got a reputation to lose, if you've known her for 20 years, and the people around her.)

Is the child that got the 40k his secret son or something
cos that’s the only way I could possibly believe someone would do something this fucking stupid

OK - I haven't got anything to add about the frankly batshit financial arrangement here (no loan agreement?!) but about the party.
Say you're going/send a message about how you're looking forward to it
Keep everything normal
Be ill on the day (diarrhoea and vomiting) and let DH go
Don't go to that party
It's not going to be possible unless you are a great actress
I would be very surprised if you were able to keep up a front
Meanwhile can you actually check if her tenants are going to have legal proceedings brought against them? Is there a way of contacting them, or seeing some sort of register for the property? Can you check the magistrate's court upcoming cases? Because she might be spinning you a line here, I wouldn't believe a word of it. A job for a private investigator?

I'd agree. You are lucky there is at least a text message. Crikey.

Exactly! That was my first thought, that’s absolutely crazy money.

Depending on whether you want to maintain the friendship you may have to just say goodbye to the cash.

If you don’t care about the money then legal action.

Hate to tell you this OP but we had an FA in this area that was over spending on lifestyle, diddled his friends and family out of money and killed his wife to get her insurance to cover the debts… Now that may be extreme, but it’s proof in point that just because someone has a professional job they are not against doing underhand things!!!!

https://www.cambs.police.uk/news/cambridgeshire/news/2024/july/mortgage-advisor-murdered-wife-to-pay-debts/#:~:text=Robert%20Hammond%2C%20known%20as%20James,HMRC%20and%20a%20financial%20company.

as such I would 💯 give them a deadline to pay back as you absolutely do need the money back by then and are completely unable to extend the loan further!

No ta. I can read all the other info without asking Op for any more details than she is willing to offer.

Wow. This is next-level crazy!

OP, I would be losing my shit if I were you. I would be seeing a divorce lawyer and taking the 40k out of his share of the asset split.

Are you saying that the money that was lent is part of a loan you took out, so you are making payments (and paying interest) on the loan balance, because they got their hands on the funds?

Why are they not making good-faith payments to you monthly while they scrape together the whole amount???? Surely all of these big-shot professionals could send you a thousand a month or even more, pending the "sale" of that house. How convenient that their tenants won't budge, eh?

You really have my sympathy. I would be tempted to absolutely destroy her professional reputation with everything I had, if she doesn't fork that money back in the next couple of weeks.

Did he discuss this with you prior to sending her the money? I would be getting an agreement in place ASAP. If this is all above board she shouldn’t have any problem signing.

Does her family know? If not I would be mentioning to them at the party including son and husband!!

Just another thought. Has your husband got himself into some difficulty with debt and used it to pay it off and not lent it at all? Xx

Is she an employed investment professional. Check the FCA register as they would take a very dim view of this behaviour, there are codes of ethics she should adhere to. Whilst I am not suggesting you issue a threat to go to her employers, find out more, and speak to a solicitor to send a letter which references her meeting her obligations to you and her firm.

Just to warn you (I have experience of these people) its likely that this woman will get in first to discredit you in the village so any allegations you make look made up.
I don't think you and your H fully realise what you are dealing with here

Go to the party and eat all of their food and drink. Get that bill down!!!

Your DH is fucking idiot. I’d be fuming and leaving him as soon as the dust has settled.

Not sure if this has been said already but check she is on the FCA register to ensure she really is a financial adviser and then report her

@SpaceMoo

1. Does her husband (the doctor) know about you both loaning her the £40k?
2. You said this all happened a year ago and you’ve asked 3 times for the money back only to be met with excuses. Who did the asking?
3. You said she can afford to give you back the money without selling the tenanted house - so why isn’t she?

Can you take legal advice as to how to get an enforceable record of any of this?

Sometimes couples have separate accounts and it would have seemed less awful if he had lent this money from his sole account. Bring back the days when a cheque from a joint account needed two signatures!

Even married people can take out individual loans. That poster is trying to find out whose name is on the debt. I think it’s both their names as it sounds like that from the OP but it’s worth checking.