To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

@Snapncrackle that's very interesting
So the OP has a friend who is a financial adviser and presumably would understand all of that very well, has got £40k out of a bloke she's been buttering up for 20 years and it's not gone near a house purchase for her son.
Either the DH is even more of a total mug or the OP has been making this scenario up

God help you OP, and god help your children.

Your husband is clealy a real moron with money and this woman latched on to that.
What a complete idiot.
I think you need to get very real with her.

Tell her you intend to go very very public with the fact she tricked your moron of a husband into loaning money and are trying to avoid paying it back.
How will she feel if you start picketing her job and her husbands practice?
Get legal advice.

You need protecting from your idiot husband.
I canwedll imagine he'sin the spare bedroom.
it must be hard to look at such a fool.

When my son bought his house last year

he used the same solicitors who dealt with the conveyancing of my late parent house who gave my son half the house in their will

despite the solicitors having sent my son a huge sum of money the previous year
they still wanted proof of where it came from
despite the fact that they already had this in there records 😂

my son has to provide a copy of the will
and his bank statment that showed the money coming from them to him

I find it very suspect that the DH gave 40k to the friend and the friend was able to “gift “ that to the son no questions asked by the solicitors .
They have really tightened up on anti money laundering and know your client rules

@TokyoKyoto yes this was my thought process also

Do they? I'm just thinking of when I started a business, they took me at face value when I answered a question about that. I started it with a gift of money and they asked who it was from, which building society it had come from, but I don't recall having to show them anything to prove it.
Writing it down, that does look shoddy. Maybe my lot didn't do their job very well.

But even when it’s a Gift they want to see where it’s come from as in bank statements / savings and stuff if the op DH transferred it to them that would show inn bank statements

@SpaceMoo

1. Go to the party and have fun!

2. After the party, send a polite email pointing out you have LOANED her £40k, and the agreement was to pay it back by the end of March, which she failed to do, and you would like some reassurance that it will be paid back by the end of April.

(hopefully she will reply to email thus giving you written evidence of the loan and intention to repay).

3. If £40k doesn't materialise by end of April, then send a Letter Before Action, giving her 28 days from receipt of the letter to pay back the £40k, otherwise you will take it to court and will claim the full amount plus all interest payments.

The friendship sounds crap anyway if they think they can borrow £40k, splash the cash, yet not pay you back!

I'm thinking of buying my first home. I'm wondering which one of my parents friends I could get to finance it.

How much interest are you either paying or losing on this money @SpaceMoo?

Is the party at her house? If so go and take £40k of stuff 😂 Maybe they have some car keys lying around.

@SpaceMoo how much interest have you lost out on in that time? And is she paying that back too?

Thanks

This is literally one of the most insane things I’ve ever heard of. OP never trust your husband with money again. Who the hell( in their right mind, lends £40k without many paperwork??

it’s just batshit crazy.

If my husband lent 40 000 of our money to a friend without my consent, and then showed no inclination to rectify that situation asap to the point we were paying interest on the loans, he wouldn’t be staying my husband for much longer I’m afraid.
What he has done is a massive betrayal and for him to say you’re annoying him by keeping going on about it shows a total lack of respect. Of course you’re going to ‘keep going on’ about it, you want your money back!

I would also approach the son. He may not realise you have funded it. He will hopefully be mortified and want to help. It will also stop any lies his parents have told him.

Get advice from a solicitor. Don't go to the party. Tell DH if he wants to be can buy I would message her and say that you won't be socialising with them until you have the money back. DH van deal with the fall out.

If she is that such a financial whiz she could have easily raise 40k

Remortgage the flat to pay for her son
take out a loan

Presumably it would have come badged as a gift from his parents?

I completely agree with this, he is what is known as useful friend of convenience, she has never considered dh as a real friend only someone to facilitate. The next thing lined up for you to facilitate is her party, where she needs to be seen to have oodles of adoring ‘friends’.

@SpaceMoo
How did the son get the 40k loan past his lenders? surely they'd have to check for money laundering. Doesn't add up at all

This. Affair or the friend hasn't had the money. It sounds like the first one

40k?!?!

The only people who can borrow that kind of money from me is mom and siblings.

I would likely be tempted to sideline my husband and start looking into legal action.

In your position we would put together a legal contract checked by a solicitor, dh would be going around there and would sit with a coffee, and say to them that the delay is causing some worry. That he trusts them, but now it’s been going on for so long he will need the money transferred over immediately or the agreement signed as he doesn’t want it to cause any difficulties with the friendship. He DOES NOT leave without a signed agreement.

He will have to work out answers in advance to all of their possible excuses not to sign. He can not leave without a signed agreement. If they totally refuse, at least you will know where you stand.

Record the entire exchange.
Then you both go to the party (with a charity shop present wrapped well) and you smile and be nice.

Then you give them 14 days in writing to pay the loan back, dressed up nicely in an email with pleasantries.

Then you get serious with court action.

Your dh now needs to know this is going to cost more than 40k unless he does everything possible to save your marriage. It is not worth letting this scamming couple ruin your lives! Have dinner, be understanding of each other, you are only human. I wouldn’t let this woman ruin absolutely everything! You can come back from this if you want to. People make mistakes, it’s how you handle them that really matters.

Because these types probably look down on renting or staying with family. They wanted the image that he could split and buy somewhere for him.

I'm going to say YABU just because you were insane to give the money in the first place.

Your dh is cought in a sunk cost fallacy.

The legal route is the only way that you might (just might) get your money back.