Page 15 | To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

SpaceMoo · 2025-04-01T08:44:44+00:00

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc. Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused. It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

WhyDoesItAlways · 02/04/2025 12:51

Sorry but I highly doubt this money has been used to buy a property. I'm not sure this would have passed the money laundering checks by the solicitors unless your husband has signed a letter saying its a gift - in which case I can't see you getting it back.

muddymuckymoody · 02/04/2025 12:49

Seriously OP - these are huge red flags for an IFA. She needs reporting to the FCA pronto before she cons anyone else. Please search her on here to see if she is registered and if she’s not, then contact the police or action fraud FCA register

NewRegister

https://register.fca.org.uk/s/

anotherday11 · 02/04/2025 12:48

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:39

Sorry to be vague about the tenant thing I barely listen to it and refuse to be drawn into me being invested in this story. She took our money and I want it back. It’s been well over a year. No sign of it.

So she hasn’t been able to sell that other property but she can maybe make a payment plan to give it back as she is working? She said banks are not lending. It’s ridiculous. I mention the professional jobs because you’d think they’d be able to apply for a loan?

DH kept saying she’ll have it back by the time we do the rest of the house.

You do realise that court cases with tenant issues can take YEARS to get resolved?

Even then, she will likely have to pay more money to hire bailiffs to kick them out (assuming she wins) again adding on more time and still after all that, she’ll need to spend £££ cleaning/fixing up the property to selling standards and THEN be able to list it. And who is to say she won’t do more stalling by listing at a ridiculous price and refusing to budge?

She’s clever because she knows she has your DH wrapped around her finger and the whole
waiting on property to sell buys her infinite time.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 02/04/2025 12:47

Dear god, they are total fucking grifters. Everything they’re doing contravenes professional guidelines at the very least; some of the stuff they’ve done with the tenants is illegal!

If she’s genuinely a successful FA and her husband a doctor, they either clearly think they can do whatever the hell they want and are basically above the law, or they know fine well that everything they’re doing is shady as fuck and they just don’t care. In which case, good luck with getting even a penny back.

I predict the problems with the tenants will roll into issues with the property which need sorting … which will take a while because, you know, builders … which will segue into a “slow market” or “property is undervalued, so can’t afford to sell right now”. Then they’ll roll out another tearful drama/death of a second cousin/intractable financial issue to play on your sympathy and distract you from the fact that they’ve spent your money and have no intention of giving it back.

Chances are you’ll still be whistling and empty handed this time next year while she’s sat on her arse in the Maldives laughing into her Mai Tai.

Agree the deficit should come out of his half of the assets when you divorce the idiot.

Original poster

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:46

Lastgig · 02/04/2025 12:38

The previous poster is correct, if you don't put a tenants deposit in a registered scheme the tenant can claim substantial compensation. She's either a liar or an idiot to do this. You cannot enter a property without notice, that is stalking. Believe me I've got a restraining order against an ex landlord for this.
Someone is lying here. If you have debt over this money I'd want that family to pay that too.
It could take up to a year to get the tenants out. This woman will be fined too for breach of tenancy law. Who's paying those fees?
If she's a registered financial adviser I'm a peer of the realm.
I'd get £20k out of her pronto which is your half and your husband can do his own thing. The adult son is joke. No shame there.
And she can stuff her party up her jacksy.
You need better friends. Wealthy my arse. Grifters more like.

They’re not friends that we even visit. Much older than us. A barbecue five years ago. An hour chatting at some place we bump into. Dinner a few times. They’ve not been round this house or seen our new kitchen. I never invite them round, though she’d like to be friends with me and get closer. I did invite her grandson to my son’s birthday party once, as we had bumped into them and she was saying her grandson doesn’t have many friends. DH has known her over two decades, works near her. It’s chitchat. Acquaintance. I am not at all impressed with money. She can stick her business class but owing people money up her arse.

OP posts:

Original poster

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:39

Sorry to be vague about the tenant thing I barely listen to it and refuse to be drawn into me being invested in this story. She took our money and I want it back. It’s been well over a year. No sign of it.

So she hasn’t been able to sell that other property but she can maybe make a payment plan to give it back as she is working? She said banks are not lending. It’s ridiculous. I mention the professional jobs because you’d think they’d be able to apply for a loan?

DH kept saying she’ll have it back by the time we do the rest of the house.

OP posts:

Lastgig · 02/04/2025 12:38

The previous poster is correct, if you don't put a tenants deposit in a registered scheme the tenant can claim substantial compensation. She's either a liar or an idiot to do this. You cannot enter a property without notice, that is stalking. Believe me I've got a restraining order against an ex landlord for this.
Someone is lying here. If you have debt over this money I'd want that family to pay that too.
It could take up to a year to get the tenants out. This woman will be fined too for breach of tenancy law. Who's paying those fees?
If she's a registered financial adviser I'm a peer of the realm.
I'd get £20k out of her pronto which is your half and your husband can do his own thing. The adult son is joke. No shame there.
And she can stuff her party up her jacksy.
You need better friends. Wealthy my arse. Grifters more like.

Lampzade · 02/04/2025 12:35

Neemie · 01/04/2025 13:46

You realise that by the time they got to you they will have exhausted the options that people run through before asking their not very close friends. They will owe money to the bank, on all their assets, credit card companies, their family, close friends and now you. The fact that they were even willing to ask you shows that they are completely incapable of managing their finances.

Exactly
They have professional jobs but are unable to join together to get a 40k loan.
They also own an expensive home
Their finances must be in dire straits

TokyoKyoto · 02/04/2025 12:34

I really don't think this woman is an IFA

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2025 12:33

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:03

Yes. They put the rent up (I think without much warning) but tenants refused to pay. They haven’t paid for a year or so. Some paper work when they were given the contract, deposit money not written down or something, has caused massive problems. They have a small child.

Back in the day when I was renting we were given plenty of warning, like 6 months before. DH thinks I just want to see the worst in her now.

Show quote history

Sounds like they didn't put the money in a Deposit scheme
Thats illegal and could result in prosecution, very surprised an IFA would do that as it would probably cost them their regulation.
It does take a long time to evict to be fair, up to a year in some cases BUT I suspect this is just more bullshit

Daleksatemyshed · 02/04/2025 12:32

Your DH is a financial idiot Op, I'd move heaven and earth to get my money back then use it to pay any loans off. In future I'd keep my finances seperate from his Op, he's under tbe sway of this friend and this won't be the last stupid thing he does.

Original poster

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:23

Lolapusht · 02/04/2025 12:11

Hang on…this ‘Some paper work when they were given the contract, deposit money not written down or something’ sounds like they didn’t give the tenant the renters pack thingy then put their deposit in a deposit scheme!!! 😮

That’s hella bad and defs not something a financial adviser should be doing! If that’s hat has happened then it doesn’t matter hat else happens, they’ll be liable to pay the tenant I think it’s x3 the monthly rent!

You also can’t just put the rent up without reasonable notice, but not paying your rent for 12 months is also rubbish.

Is she one of these people ho is always having a drama??!

Yes, the council or citizens advice are advising the tenants,

plus Friend’s DH and some other guy entered the house while the tenant and her child were upstairs and there’s been police involved.

If I saw a man in my house I swear I’d have a heart attack or stab him probably so I can imagine this is bad. DH loves this kind of gossip drama except we are now also invested in this (!?)
And I’m on the tenant’s side!
I’ve told him to keep her and her drama away from us.

OP posts:

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 02/04/2025 12:13

Perhaps @SpaceMoo you need to tell him that if she hasn't paid you back or signed a written agreement confirming how much she has borrowed and that she intends to pay it back, you will go to the party and announce in front of everyone that she is a con artist who has swindled your dickhead of a husband out of 40 grand and is refusing to pay it back, so if he wants to remain friends with her he needs to do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen.

If she thought she was having a bad day before, you'll show her what a bad day really looks like.

Her tenants are not your problem. Her son's ability to buy a house is not your problem. She is not your problem. The 40 grand currently missing from your bank account is your problem, and if you and your husband end up divorcing over this your lawyer will explain to the judge why that missing 40 grand should be accounted for in his share of the marital assets, not yours, because he GAVE IT AWAY TO AN UNTRUSTWORTHY ACQUAINTANCE without your permission.

Lolapusht · 02/04/2025 12:11

Hang on…this ‘Some paper work when they were given the contract, deposit money not written down or something’ sounds like they didn’t give the tenant the renters pack thingy then put their deposit in a deposit scheme!!! 😮

That’s hella bad and defs not something a financial adviser should be doing! If that’s hat has happened then it doesn’t matter hat else happens, they’ll be liable to pay the tenant I think it’s x3 the monthly rent!

You also can’t just put the rent up without reasonable notice, but not paying your rent for 12 months is also rubbish.

Is she one of these people ho is always having a drama??!

TheGentleOpalMember · 02/04/2025 12:11

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:03

Yes. They put the rent up (I think without much warning) but tenants refused to pay. They haven’t paid for a year or so. Some paper work when they were given the contract, deposit money not written down or something, has caused massive problems. They have a small child.

Back in the day when I was renting we were given plenty of warning, like 6 months before. DH thinks I just want to see the worst in her now.

Show quote history

DH thinks I just want to see the worst in her now.

She is a scheming evil pos. What is not to see the worst in that?

Seriously, what is this woman holding over your husband's head? What secret does she know of his? There must be something, there must be! Nothing else would explain why a man would be so utterly brainwashed by an obvious conartist, unless he truly is certifiably unhinged.

Get a facking divorce and get away from him!

TheGentleOpalMember · 02/04/2025 12:08

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 11:45

Some updates.

Our kitchen finance was 0% (Wrens kitchen). (It’s the dream kitchen we’ve been saving up for, working towards and should have been able to pay for if we hadn’t planned the driveway, porch, and downstairs wetroom). We have a separate loan we took out that we’re paying off, we got a good interest rate, so it’s okay. Manageable. The other things are now on hold because extension of kitchen and new kitchen units worktops cooker etc just was a nightmare. Builders messed us about, death in the family of one of the builders dragged what should have been a two week job into 3 months. Okay never mind. We also had some renovation on rest of the house, patio, bathroom etc but we had money for that and have used that up. Plus my eldest son had exams and we needed some normality so we put a stop to the building work.
Plans were on hold, and I think DH thought this money will be needed when we do the rest of the renovation.

tbh I am not slightest bit fussed about the rest of the renovation, have barely had anyone round due to the stress and arguments with DH. We have no builders or building work left, everything’s lovely and tidy and we’ve decided, (I think) to not go ahead with the rest of the plans. I personally think it’s better to pay off the loans, and have a bit of a holiday. People can park their car up the road 😛

Architect said these plans will need re-applying for planning permission again in a few years (?) it’s on a hold. DH is keen on the renovation someday soon.
DH thought we will need the money then. (Because he’s a plonker he discusses every bit of our finances with this friend)

She had asked to borrow it for son’s house.
It had nothing to do with her ability to sell her other property. Son has moved in and is living happily ever after in his dream home - but we did not get our money back. And she has decided to tell us her tenant story continuously - so we are invested in this property.

After I started this thread and spoke to DH yesterday

DH has spoken to friend and in a foul mood blurted out he wants the money back and can’t wait for them to sell their house. He said he needs it back and lied and said some of it wasn’t his and needs to pay back his sister who he’s seeing next week.
Why can’t he just blame me I don’t know. He is adamant he wants to stay friends with her and felt sick he’s putting her through this while she’s had a rough day 🤨
She had a court case with tenants which didn’t go well, and was just having the usual catchup and reeling him into being invested into her ‘can’t sell/ can’t give back money yet sorry’ sob story.

He said to me that She said she will give us the money back as soon as possible. I said, you should have recorded that conversation.

felt sick he’s putting her through this while she’s had a rough day

Jesus fucking chriest! He is BRAINWASHED by her! He is literally certifiable! She is pissing all over him and you both, living it up, you are the one whose had a rough day. There is something truly fucking wrong with him! He needs help and/or to be committed to an asylum. He wants to stay friends with that worthless, freeloading, bludging, scamming scheming and manipulative bitch? Tell him he does it as a divorced man. And you can show him this too.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 02/04/2025 12:07

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:03

Yes. They put the rent up (I think without much warning) but tenants refused to pay. They haven’t paid for a year or so. Some paper work when they were given the contract, deposit money not written down or something, has caused massive problems. They have a small child.

Back in the day when I was renting we were given plenty of warning, like 6 months before. DH thinks I just want to see the worst in her now.

Show quote history

Why on earth would you see the worst in someone who told a sob story to get your idiot of a husband to lend her 40 grand with no loan agreement in place and who is now fobbing him off with excuses to avoid paying it back?

No red flags here at all. She sounds like a really trustworthy person.

TokyoKyoto · 02/04/2025 12:05

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 11:52

Really thank you all for your advice.

Posters have mentioned, she hasn’t actually stolen the money. So she’s not done anything wrong. I agree. Currently she’s not done anything illegal, right?

I think DH is not being honest with me.

Is this a con, or my daft DH trying to ‘help out a friend’ in his own stupid way. That is way too much money to be helping a friend who we are not close to. He thinks he can trust her as she’s never said she’s NOT going to be giving it back.

Sometimes I wonder if I need a divorce or a holiday!

She doesn't seem to have done anything illegal: he gave the money willingly, it's on him. BUT if she is a financial adviser registered with one of their professional bodies then she obviously had contravened their rules about offering financial advice and taking money: I mean she has so obviously not done anything in a structured, accountable way, you can see that, and it's likely that would cause problems for her with her professional body.
Personally I'm interested in this side of things because I'm a small business owner and I check the fuck out of anyone I'm dealing with

Original poster

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:03

Lolapusht · 02/04/2025 11:56

Do you know what the problems are with evicting the tenants? I know it can be an absolute nightmare, but usually it should be quite straight forward. Have they not paid rent? Breached the tenancy terms etc? You might get a trashed house back from people who didn’t ant to move out, but you do get possession if you’re doing it for the “normal” reasons.

More dodginess 🤨

Yes. They put the rent up (I think without much warning) but tenants refused to pay. They haven’t paid for a year or so. Some paper work when they were given the contract, deposit money not written down or something, has caused massive problems. They have a small child.

Back in the day when I was renting we were given plenty of warning, like 6 months before. DH thinks I just want to see the worst in her now.

OP posts:

Lolapusht · 02/04/2025 11:56

Do you know what the problems are with evicting the tenants? I know it can be an absolute nightmare, but usually it should be quite straight forward. Have they not paid rent? Breached the tenancy terms etc? You might get a trashed house back from people who didn’t ant to move out, but you do get possession if you’re doing it for the “normal” reasons.

More dodginess 🤨

Calliopespa · 02/04/2025 11:54

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 11:45

Some updates.

Our kitchen finance was 0% (Wrens kitchen). (It’s the dream kitchen we’ve been saving up for, working towards and should have been able to pay for if we hadn’t planned the driveway, porch, and downstairs wetroom). We have a separate loan we took out that we’re paying off, we got a good interest rate, so it’s okay. Manageable. The other things are now on hold because extension of kitchen and new kitchen units worktops cooker etc just was a nightmare. Builders messed us about, death in the family of one of the builders dragged what should have been a two week job into 3 months. Okay never mind. We also had some renovation on rest of the house, patio, bathroom etc but we had money for that and have used that up. Plus my eldest son had exams and we needed some normality so we put a stop to the building work.
Plans were on hold, and I think DH thought this money will be needed when we do the rest of the renovation.

tbh I am not slightest bit fussed about the rest of the renovation, have barely had anyone round due to the stress and arguments with DH. We have no builders or building work left, everything’s lovely and tidy and we’ve decided, (I think) to not go ahead with the rest of the plans. I personally think it’s better to pay off the loans, and have a bit of a holiday. People can park their car up the road 😛

Architect said these plans will need re-applying for planning permission again in a few years (?) it’s on a hold. DH is keen on the renovation someday soon.
DH thought we will need the money then. (Because he’s a plonker he discusses every bit of our finances with this friend)

She had asked to borrow it for son’s house.
It had nothing to do with her ability to sell her other property. Son has moved in and is living happily ever after in his dream home - but we did not get our money back. And she has decided to tell us her tenant story continuously - so we are invested in this property.

After I started this thread and spoke to DH yesterday

DH has spoken to friend and in a foul mood blurted out he wants the money back and can’t wait for them to sell their house. He said he needs it back and lied and said some of it wasn’t his and needs to pay back his sister who he’s seeing next week.
Why can’t he just blame me I don’t know. He is adamant he wants to stay friends with her and felt sick he’s putting her through this while she’s had a rough day 🤨
She had a court case with tenants which didn’t go well, and was just having the usual catchup and reeling him into being invested into her ‘can’t sell/ can’t give back money yet sorry’ sob story.

He said to me that She said she will give us the money back as soon as possible. I said, you should have recorded that conversation.

That’s a positive update op, on lots of fronts.

It did give me a small flash of understanding how DH has got himself into this. It sounds as though her job has prompted him to open up too much - probably just because he was needing a sounding board about finances. We all do at times; it’s why you are on here!

She has then taken advantage of that trust.

I do hope it all works out for you and that you dodge some of the more lurid plot-lines people have predicted on here!

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2025 11:54

Why can’t he just blame me I don’t know. He is adamant he wants to stay friends with her and felt sick he’s putting her through this while she’s had a rough day 🤨

And this is why you are unlikley to get any money back. There will always be some bullshit excuse followed by a personal crisis.
Just wait for her to "share" that she is battling cancer - the CF we had round here even had people (she owed money to) driving her to chemo and providing childcare!!!

Original poster

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 11:52

Really thank you all for your advice.

Posters have mentioned, she hasn’t actually stolen the money. So she’s not done anything wrong. I agree. Currently she’s not done anything illegal, right?

I think DH is not being honest with me.

Is this a con, or my daft DH trying to ‘help out a friend’ in his own stupid way. That is way too much money to be helping a friend who we are not close to. He thinks he can trust her as she’s never said she’s NOT going to be giving it back.

Sometimes I wonder if I need a divorce or a holiday!

OP posts:

Original poster

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 11:45

Some updates.

Our kitchen finance was 0% (Wrens kitchen). (It’s the dream kitchen we’ve been saving up for, working towards and should have been able to pay for if we hadn’t planned the driveway, porch, and downstairs wetroom). We have a separate loan we took out that we’re paying off, we got a good interest rate, so it’s okay. Manageable. The other things are now on hold because extension of kitchen and new kitchen units worktops cooker etc just was a nightmare. Builders messed us about, death in the family of one of the builders dragged what should have been a two week job into 3 months. Okay never mind. We also had some renovation on rest of the house, patio, bathroom etc but we had money for that and have used that up. Plus my eldest son had exams and we needed some normality so we put a stop to the building work.
Plans were on hold, and I think DH thought this money will be needed when we do the rest of the renovation.

tbh I am not slightest bit fussed about the rest of the renovation, have barely had anyone round due to the stress and arguments with DH. We have no builders or building work left, everything’s lovely and tidy and we’ve decided, (I think) to not go ahead with the rest of the plans. I personally think it’s better to pay off the loans, and have a bit of a holiday. People can park their car up the road 😛

Architect said these plans will need re-applying for planning permission again in a few years (?) it’s on a hold. DH is keen on the renovation someday soon.
DH thought we will need the money then. (Because he’s a plonker he discusses every bit of our finances with this friend)

She had asked to borrow it for son’s house.
It had nothing to do with her ability to sell her other property. Son has moved in and is living happily ever after in his dream home - but we did not get our money back. And she has decided to tell us her tenant story continuously - so we are invested in this property.

After I started this thread and spoke to DH yesterday

DH has spoken to friend and in a foul mood blurted out he wants the money back and can’t wait for them to sell their house. He said he needs it back and lied and said some of it wasn’t his and needs to pay back his sister who he’s seeing next week.
Why can’t he just blame me I don’t know. He is adamant he wants to stay friends with her and felt sick he’s putting her through this while she’s had a rough day 🤨
She had a court case with tenants which didn’t go well, and was just having the usual catchup and reeling him into being invested into her ‘can’t sell/ can’t give back money yet sorry’ sob story.

He said to me that She said she will give us the money back as soon as possible. I said, you should have recorded that conversation.

OP posts:

Thursday5pmisginoclock · 02/04/2025 10:14

Have you calculated how much this is costing you in terms of outstanding mortgage/loans - I.e the interest you’re incurring by not using this money to reduce your debts? She should be covering this too!! Any financial adviser would realise there is a cost of this capital. She has taken your husband for a ride