To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

You need to get the money back BEFORE she settles with the tenants!!!
What they did is very illegal. A novice landlord might claim ignorance of the rules and maybe get away with it but she a financial advisor and can’t really claim ignorance, can she? She’ll almost certainly will get prosecuted and end up with her licence revoked. Even if she manages to sell the house she’ll be out of a job and use that as a reason why she can’t pay you back.

Your username suggests you have an excellent set of priorities.

I'm beginning to think that you should go to her birthday party so that you can chat to other people and get a feel for who she is and what she's like.

Your husband is an idiot, but doubt you need a stranger telling you that.
I would get legal advice now and see what course of action you need to take to get this paid back.
If your husband isn’t on board with this, I’d be telling him you’ll see a solicitor about him too!. If he can’t see anything wrong with what he’s done, and nothing wrong with them not paying you back £40k than there is more to this than he is letting on.

I can’t imagine lending anyone, family or friend, this kind of money without some sort of payment agreement written up and signed. It’s madness .

As for the cheeky fecker advising you to re mortgage, that’s beyond a joke! she could be making repayments using the money she’s using for her lifestyle!
Absolute piss take.

At this point I'd be tempted to ask him if he's having an affair with her or is actually the father of one of her kids or something.

But the OP will know better than us whether that sort of approach is likely to backfire.

No, she genuinely doesn't have a problem accessing money to pay you back.

1.She is flying business class
2.She is throwing a big expensive party

Don't gaslight yourself, you've got enough people around you doing that already.

She doesn't want to pay you back and is coming up with every sob story she can.

Your DH is still being an idiot falling for it. You've been played and scammed and I bet you another £40k you probably aren't the first she's done this too..

@SpaceMoo what actual action are you going to take now?

It doesn't matter. It's not your problem. If she couldn't find 40k from her own "portfolio" to help her son buy a house, she couldn't afford to help him buy a house.

Why on earth your husband thought it was a good idea to get involved in this is beyond me.

But you need to get something in writing from her confirming that it was a loan and that she intends to pay it back.

Asking to put in place a repayment plan is a great idea because it could help you get some useful written evidence that the money was not a gift.

Your husband needs to stop fobbing you off. Tell him to write to her (text is fine, just not a phone call) and say that she needs to at least start paying the money back, even if she can't pay it all off at once, and suggesting monthly repayment plan where she pays off a set amount each month (e.g. £1000 per month) and then pays off the balance as soon as her liquidity issues are resolved.

Have you pointed out to your husband that if you'd had that £40000 in a basic cash ISA for the last year you'd probably have earned about £2000 in interest? Even if he thinks the £40000 is a loan which she will definitely pay back (lol), what is that £2000? A gift? That you're giving this person who throws fancy parties and takes business class flights because...?

Tell your husband that if he hasn't got some sort of written confirmation from her that it is a loan which she will pay back, and agreeing to a repayment schedule, by the end of next week, you will be taking over communications with her. And if that doesn't bear any fruit she will be hearing from your solicitor.

So again, if he's worried about her having a bad day, the onus is on him to make sure she doesn't start having even worse ones, which she soon will if he doesn't deal with this.

She doesn’t have a genuine problem in throwing a flash party does she and that’s what the problem is, the blasé / couldn’t give a fuck attitude. If she said ‘Oh god I feel terrible, I thought you’d have the money back long before now, but we’re up to our eyes in stress. But look, I’m doing everything I can to raise it asap, we’re not going away this year and tightening our belts until we repay you’.

If I owed someone that money I would feel mortified until I paid it back. She’s either unbelievably arrogant or your DH has been so wet that she hasn’t picked up you want it back.

I would cut your husband out of the loop to be honest.

Years ago in the crash I 'borrowed' £2k of a millionaire friend. She insisted it was a gift, I kept the letter. I had nothing for ten years. Caring duties and ill health kept me out of the workplace.
I looked after her kids for every summer holiday so she could work (no payment) and gave her a chair she was to renovate and my half would go to her. She reminds me of the loan to this day and it was paid off years ago with interest.
Every item I bought was commented on. No business class tickets for me however it was a very intense way to behave.
Things have improved for me greatly but I'm constantly asked how much money I have these days. It's so rude and in front of others.
I lend small amounts and it's rare I get them back. I expect people just don't have it. But £40k is a house deposit and you could be a BTLL too if this person didn't have your money!
I personally would tell them you're moving and need the money yourself. Thirty days to pay up

To be honest, I'd tell your DH to stick his opinions up his arse. He finds excuse after excuse to absolve this woman of all blame. You are £40k down thanks to his catastrophic lack of judgement. Why is he still defending her?

She can stick her business class but owing people money up her arse.

😂 Hear hear. I have encountered a few of these people myself.

No! She can afford business class don’t forget!

Oh aye?

Exactly. If you owe someone 40 grand you cannot afford business class flights and it is as simple as that.

Does your husband have any written evidence at all that this was a loan? Even text messages would be helpful.

If not, can he text her and say he wants to discuss repayment of the loan and suggest setting up a repayment schedule if she can't pay it all off in one lump sum?

Ideally she would reply saying something which can be used as evidence of the loan.

If she won't reply at all or insists on only discussing it orally, she knows what she's doing and has absolutely no intention of ever paying you back.

I thought he might be the DC's DF.

I would do a presentation and start with " there are 40 000 reasons why I wanted to be here today" and see how it goes from there.

OP you are for too involved with the ins and outs of their finances and their relationship with their tenants, it's nowt to do with you.

They owe you 40 grand.

A short text, a short period of time to repay the money or solicitors will become involved.

So much i could say but after reading this whole thread....words fail me. But i will try. Your husband is a pathetic creature who is either sleeping with tgat woman or just a try hard loser. Not sure what is worse

Wait she wants you to do a presentation at this party? Hmmm.... do one.

She said she will give us the money back as soon as possible

Pretty much means if and when she's good and ready you may see you money.

Your DH is still dancing to her tune.

As said your DH willingly handed over a not to small sum of money with no paper trail to say he had done so, this woman's laughing in your face not only has she got your money but your DH wrapped around her finger...

I can almost hear her laughing.

All this tenant bollox, son’s house, raising capital, selling another property is just BS, it’s not relevant to you. She owes you 40k.

I’d be sick as a pig attending her party and totting how much it all cost.

I think at the party I would have to say ‘Lovely party Jenny! Must have cost an arm and a leg! It all looks beautiful! Oh about that, I’ve been leaving all this to James, but he’s useless and it’s getting us nowhere. We need that 40k asap. Shall we say 20k by June 1st, and the remaining 20k by August 1st? Don’t worry I won’t charge you interest ha! Ha!’

She is one of life’s piss takers and she’s manipulating your DH. She less likely to do it with you. Be friendly but firm.

"They’re not friends that we even visit. Much older than us. A barbecue five years ago. An hour chatting at some place we bump into. Dinner a few times. They’ve not been round this house or seen our new kitchen. I never invite them round"
I thought you said you knew her family and colleagues and clients.
Your DH is going to do naff all about this, is he, because he'd have to admit publicly he's been conned. So it looks like it's going to be up to you to ruin her reputation if she doesn't pony up the money pronto.

Yep this too. It requires lots of documentation for source of funds to pass anti money laundering ergo it couldn’t have passed if they used your money