To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

Exactly this. It’s all bollox. There’s no rental property, no tenants, possibly no son living his best life. Certainly no successful financial business and probably not a doctor. I think it’s quite simply that this grifter has conned the stupid DH out of £40k and is spending it on holidays and parties. You don’t know these people well enough to know how much of what they claim is true OP. As I said up thread, you’re not getting a penny of your £40k back. People like this have an inexhaustible supply of fairy tales, excuses and sob stories to keep you stringing along indefinitely.
Cut your losses, dump your stupid DH and go on your way with an expensive lesson learned.

Draw up the 'loan' contract, take it to the party, corner her and announce you need it signed as you have had some 'bad health news', (don't be drawn into what). If she refuses to sign I'd start making noises about how you wouldn't want to "ruin her party with it all coming out..."

I knew I recognised it from somewhere but couldn’t think what it was!

She needs to remortgage her house and pay you back!!

Were you aware from the beginning or did he hide it from you?

I presume there was a written and signed agreement about the loan? Otherwise it could get messy

@SpaceMoo what is your husband's age, and what is the age of the son who needed money?

I wouldn't rule out the possibility of your DH being his father.

They've both lied to you about this money so there's no reason to believe they wouldn't lie about when and where they met.

Exactly! People who are concerned about paying money they owe to friends don't fly business class for holidays or have extravagant bashes. You'd be worried about inconveniencing your friends. You'd worry that the optics were all wrong. This woman doesn't care at all. She doesn't give a crap. Get angry @SpaceMoo

why is your husband STILL worried about upsetting this 'friend' and keen to maintain the friendship? He needs to worry more about losing YOU. He also doesn't seem to give a crap.

@Hoppinggreen well they can kiss that 40k good buy that friend has 0 interest in paying it back. I would be asking for a formal plan to be set up now or telling my husband he needs to cut this person off. If his so laid back about 40k I would be asking why his so chilled and if there is more going on here than she knows.

Hmm but she has the cash for holidays and 50th party bashes, time to get solicitor involved.

She's shite at finance if she's borrowing from friends. Get the money back, the longer you leave it the harder it'll be!

RTFT
Nothing in writing at all

This is the most ridiculous story I've ever heard. If you put it in a novel it would be rejected for being not believable. An absolute idiot and their money are soon parted, indeed.

I hope you have a contract for the loan. Tell her you are informing it and that if you have to take a loan or remortgage your home due to her you will be charging her the interest. You could point out that a remortgage is an excellent idea for her mind then she can pay you back.

It sounds to me like she throws phrases from The Apprentice around to make herself sound good. I think it’s all fake bullshit and she’s a con woman.

You aren’t close friends so it doesn’t matter if you fall out. Speak to her yourself and tell her the money needs to be paid in 28 days or you’ll start
legal action.

Never, ever lend money to friends unless you are prepared for it to be a gift.

It’s also sensible to apply the same rule to family as well.

Ultimately, your husband gave away money, a huge amount, without asking you. He is now gaslighting you by underplaying how you feel about this. I would be divorcing him.

Thing is OP your DH will need to face up to what an idiot he has been and how much contempt these people he is in awe of actually hold him in and holding onto the hope that you are wrong and he is right may be much easier to do.
Admitting the truth will mean he has to face a lot of things

Omg her husband and another guy entered the tenants home? Why?! I'd have been terrified!

She's definitely spinning your husband line after line, why is he so blind to this? It's like he admires them and wants to sacrifice himself on thier alter.

They should remortgage thier house and pay you back ASAP .

Cheeky robbing bastards.

If your husband is that close
Let him go to the party

swipe her phone send himself a text saying really sorry about the delay in paying you back the 40k as promised
will pay as soon as possible

cheeky fucker

( don’t forget to delete the text from her to him)

in fact he could probably do this a few times over the next month 😂

That's if she even had a day in court or tennants,
innit?

These people divide to conquer

The bottom line is he seems to be siding with her rather than with you. You're meant to be a team. Show loyalty. Be on the same side!

No wonder her day in court went badly. She's not much of a financial person if she's not even sorted out legal paperwork/deposit etc with her tenants.

Your DH is so inexplicably gullible. His behaviour is hard to believe.

Just a thought, but I believe civil court cases are public record in the UK.. You can look it up in Case Tracker in the UK. You know her name and roughly the date/location... you should be able to find out what actually happened in court.

I think I'd have to look this up. It would be "strange" if you can't find any record at all wouldn't it?🤔

Do you know the address of this property.. is there anyway you could find out if she's the owner - land registry etc. local estate agents? Letting Agents.

From your update, your DH, Confessing Sam, has told this woman that he at one point had £40k waiting in an account for future building work. She siezed on the opportunity to relieve him of that burden, and he let her.

While he's so worried about her feelings and her stress, he's doing absolutely NOTHING but doubling yours.

I think it's up to you now. Tell him you are now dealing with the matter.
Get legal advice on what to do next and follow it.
Don't listen to anymore balderdash from either of them, listen to your solicitor.

They sound like a pretty despicable pair of humans (the 'friend' and her husband), so I'd suggest you try to get your money back ASAP and cut all ties. Why does your husband even like them?