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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

737 replies

SpaceMoo · 01/04/2025 09:44

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

OP posts:
MusicMakesItAllBetter · 03/04/2025 07:22

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 14:13

I have absolutely no problem asking her for all of this in writing.

Is no one thinking that she might genuinely have a problem ‘accessing her capital through her property portfolio’ lol?

No.
She's a CF!!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/04/2025 06:23

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:35

It sounds like a Ponzi scheme. If they can do this to us, and we’re not even close, who else do they owe money to? They’re probably repaying people with other people’s money.

Probably. And the issue with that is that once they run out of people to mug off, the last fools who parted with their cash will never get repaid.

That's if they ever repay anyone. Maybe this is how they funded their fancy house and BTL properties in the first place.

Maybe "I'm a financial advisor" is just a front for "I'm a con artist".

Can you check whether she actually works where she claims to?

Pherian · 03/04/2025 00:31

I think you should speak to a solicitor on your own first. I might be reading this wrong, but it doesn’t sound like you were in agreement with the loan being made and I’m curious if the money came from a loan you’re paying interest on.

I would make sure you have screenshots of messages. People can delete their messages and depending on what app, they can amend them too. You want the originals before any hard feelings start to come out.

There are also tax implications for them , that’s a lot money and I wonder how they recorded that when they confirmed how they got the funds to their solicitors when buying the house. If they’ve put it down as a gift that could be an issue for them.

Your husband is an idiot and I genuinely recommend separate accounts.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/04/2025 00:20

When you've dealt with the "loan", think about Taking your DH to a REAL financial advisor and get them to go through your financial planning to check on the decisions made on this woman's advice.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/04/2025 23:37

Kyokyo · 02/04/2025 22:24

I’d be very careful about what you put in writing (specifically around “DH did this without my consent”) because it almost sounds like you didn’t know about it at the time and she could twist this into saying that DH gave it to her as a gift and then lied to you about it being a loan.

Just stick to the facts: she was lent the money and it was supposed to be paid back by now. That you can’t wait any longer and she needs to pay back in full now or start payments with a clear timeline for the rest.

This.
Please get legal advice on how to approach this. Record any discussions.

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 23:16

Stampees · 02/04/2025 22:21

I think she has a major spending problem and is in way over her head. The fact that she’s throwing lavish parties and big trips but can’t get a loan is a massive concern. My husband is a chartered IFA. We’d have zero issue getting a loan. I bet her properties are all interest-only and she’s leveraged loans and mortgages against each other.

Show quote history

This rings a bell. She advised us to get an interest only remortgage of our home. Convinced DH to apply. Until she gives us back our money.

I said NO.

OP posts:
Honeypad · 02/04/2025 22:51

Doesn’t add up at all. I don’t think the money was used for a house purchase, there are way too many checks these days on funds used for house purchases. I would get legal advice asap on how to proceed rather than speaking directly to her. DH has tried that and got nowhere so time to get serious

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:44

I have no intention of being friends with her afterwards.

OP posts:
LilySLE · 02/04/2025 22:43

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:29

Thank you. I’ll be careful what I write. With a cool head.

I wonder if her son did buy the house with our money, maybe they used it to refurb, or pay back someone else who’s gifted it?

When you buy a house the solicitor asks for proof of the source of funds, for anti-money laundering purposes. You also have to declare whether anyone else is contributing money towards the purchase price. These are standard legal forms. It is inconceivable that a solicitor would go ahead on a house purchase without your involvement, if it had been declared that £40k of the funds came from you.

Therefore it appears that she / her son has not only lied to and deceived the solicitor who acted for the son on the house purchase, but also quite possibly fabricated evidence of the source of the funds as well. This sounds very serious. Especially if she works in a regulated profession. Have you considered contacting her regulator - is it the FCA?

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:35

It sounds like a Ponzi scheme. If they can do this to us, and we’re not even close, who else do they owe money to? They’re probably repaying people with other people’s money.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:29

Thank you. I’ll be careful what I write. With a cool head.

I wonder if her son did buy the house with our money, maybe they used it to refurb, or pay back someone else who’s gifted it?

OP posts:
Kyokyo · 02/04/2025 22:24

I’d be very careful about what you put in writing (specifically around “DH did this without my consent”) because it almost sounds like you didn’t know about it at the time and she could twist this into saying that DH gave it to her as a gift and then lied to you about it being a loan.

Just stick to the facts: she was lent the money and it was supposed to be paid back by now. That you can’t wait any longer and she needs to pay back in full now or start payments with a clear timeline for the rest.

Stampees · 02/04/2025 22:21

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:13

She may not write back? I could quite easily go into her office? DH has done this last few times and she was very taken aback. When he went to ask for it back few months ago, he said she seemed really nervous because her colleagues could hear the conversation. He said he has tried and each time she has said, wait for the court date and talked about her problems, tenants etc… I’ve told him to keep changing the conversation back to WE WANT OUR MONEY BACK. The last time she showed him papers that she has applied for loans. Who does that?

I think she has a major spending problem and is in way over her head. The fact that she’s throwing lavish parties and big trips but can’t get a loan is a massive concern. My husband is a chartered IFA. We’d have zero issue getting a loan. I bet her properties are all interest-only and she’s leveraged loans and mortgages against each other.

Snapncrackle · 02/04/2025 22:18

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2025 22:10

Based on?

Show quote history

money laundering law / rules
Know your client

both the solicitors & banks have to know legally where the deposit has come from and that if it’s a gift then the person who is giving the gifts signs to say they have no interest in the property

Gowlett · 02/04/2025 22:15

I work in Events & have been in many nice homes.
Owned by people who have nice things. And big parties.

I’ve also seen the begging letters to friends & family.
These people have no shame. She seems like that type!

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:13

She may not write back? I could quite easily go into her office? DH has done this last few times and she was very taken aback. When he went to ask for it back few months ago, he said she seemed really nervous because her colleagues could hear the conversation. He said he has tried and each time she has said, wait for the court date and talked about her problems, tenants etc… I’ve told him to keep changing the conversation back to WE WANT OUR MONEY BACK. The last time she showed him papers that she has applied for loans. Who does that?

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 02/04/2025 22:11

This is all so bizarre!

She is a grifter and your husband is a spineless idiot.

Id take matters into my own hands op, for sure..

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2025 22:10

BlondeMummyto1 · 02/04/2025 22:08

I have a feeling your DH did paperwork to confirm it was a gift. There’s no way they could blag their way out of a paper trail for the £40k loan.

Based on?

BlondeMummyto1 · 02/04/2025 22:08

I have a feeling your DH did paperwork to confirm it was a gift. There’s no way they could blag their way out of a paper trail for the £40k loan.

Snapncrackle · 02/04/2025 22:05

Honeypad · 02/04/2025 21:51

I find this quite unbelievable. We have recently purchased a house and my dad gifted me a large sum to help with stamp duty. The amount of paper work the solicitors wanted from my dad around this cash was unreal (for anti money laundering checks)…and he had to provide a letter to say it was a gift and that he had no claim over the house. I just cannot see how £40k was lent for a friends sons house purchase and there was not a load of questions and checks performed by the solicitors on this…and unless the solicitors did request the OP husband to sign a letter to say it was a gift then he would legally have a right over the house wouldn’t he?!

I agree
I posted earlier that the solicitors who sent my son his inheritance from my late parents were the ones we used to buy his house

and they still wanted copy of the will
Proof of where the deposit came from ( the sale of the house that they dealt with )
Bank statements showing them paying him the money 😂

but If it’s down as the gift the the DH signs to say it’s a gift and he’s got no interest in the property

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 21:59

I’ve got some really good advice on here from everyone. Will come back to this thread when I have an update.

Will find out address of her property (they have many properties that they talk about) and I will check the case details. Thank you for that, I didn’t know I could.

I think I’ll have to take it into my hands and sort this out. She’s probably relying on DH leading this, but I think contacting her before the party, mentioning 40k she has borrowed and owes us to be repayed last year was the agreed timescale - so she can agree to it before I arrive at the party. Ideally I’d like money back before the party. I would like to mention to her that I personally did not agree to this loan, and DH did this by himself, and I’m disappointed she’s done this without my knowledge. This isn’t surplus money we are stashing to ‘invest’, this is our family money, savings and loans we need to repay that we are paying interest on - and he was out of order to have let her borrow it. It was a loan, not a gift!

(too severe?)

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 02/04/2025 21:53

Your DP loaned £40k without your agreement?!?!

He's a bigger problem.

Have you asked for repayments £1k per week until it's cleared? Or something? But I agree with him partially I'd be checking what I have by way or evidence and playing nice until I'm confident I can recover the money

Honeypad · 02/04/2025 21:51

I find this quite unbelievable. We have recently purchased a house and my dad gifted me a large sum to help with stamp duty. The amount of paper work the solicitors wanted from my dad around this cash was unreal (for anti money laundering checks)…and he had to provide a letter to say it was a gift and that he had no claim over the house. I just cannot see how £40k was lent for a friends sons house purchase and there was not a load of questions and checks performed by the solicitors on this…and unless the solicitors did request the OP husband to sign a letter to say it was a gift then he would legally have a right over the house wouldn’t he?!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/04/2025 21:20

I think OP said that both she and her DH had met the son and knew him. The point I was making about the tenants and the court case is that it would be useful to check on public records if the hearing took place. And OP could probably find out via the Land registry if the Borrower owns that property (if she knows the address)

changeme4this · 02/04/2025 21:13

DH gave money to a friend as a partnership arrangement to purchase property but never put DH’s name on it. I entered DH’s life and by then his friend was in a serious relationship and they were making plans for the property together.

she was told about the money but nothing was in writing. When they moved into the property DH asked for his money back. It was not forthcoming. The friend kept saying who was going to pay him for his work in the property etc. His work was actually the original contribution he made, not financial.

as there is nothing in writing apart from a bank application document, there’s nothing DH could do. The friendship soured and friend and partner planned on selling property to fund their next move.

just don’t put off getting some sort of written communication going. If your DH dicks about anymore, I would start my own email chain to the woman outlining the arrangement as you know it and go from there.