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Original poster

To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

737 replies

SpaceMoo · 01/04/2025 09:44

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

OP posts:
TheGentleOpalMember · 05/04/2025 03:46

SpaceMoo · 04/04/2025 20:19

This is exactly what my friend has asked 🤣 Actually her advice was I have to pull away from this woman for all the shit she’s put me and DH through.
I feel like I’m done with her. DH even had the audacity today to mention what gift should we buy for her 50th and go to the party then? (This is when things went a bit sideways)

So he’s still brainwashed? Hypnotised?

Show quote history

Tell him the only present she will get from you will be your fist in her face, and that neither of you are going to her party and if he does, you will file for divorce. So he needs to choose; party, or his marriage.

strawlight · 05/04/2025 00:27

Glad you got the money back. I’d probably go to the party with an open mind and enjoy seeing everyone. How you feel after that will decide whether you want to continue that particular friendship.

We had a ‘situation’ in our social group that threatened 30 years of friendship. It’s been fixed and while not quite forgotten and forgiven those involved are trying hard to keep the group together, and luckily it seems to be working.

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 05/04/2025 00:03

Is it like rock paper scissors? My sister beats your son?

OP posts:
HygerTyger · 04/04/2025 23:01

Even stranger, why would he need to visit his sister to 'pay the money back'? why can't he do it by 'bank transfer'?

so so strange. Is your husband actually ok?

Codlingmoths · 04/04/2025 22:34

Ask him, ‘how would she know if we go to see your sister or not? Does she have surveillance on us, or are you in some kind of mental thrall that you have to tell her everything about your life? I don’t give you permission to tell her anything private about me.’
and run a credit check on him and you. If he’s taking financial advice from this conwoman who knows what he’s done. I too wonder if she paid it back or he borrowed it. Is the money in a joint account? If it’s not been put on loans and is available I’d look at if I can make that account 2 signatories needed for a transfer. So he can’t pull this shit again.

HygerTyger · 04/04/2025 22:23

SpaceMoo · 04/04/2025 22:04

Think he said some of this money is his sisters, not all his / ours - and she needs it back. lol wtf. Just be straight. It’s our money! We want it back!

Are some people just unhappy and feeling guilty having money they don’t want to lend? It’s our money and we have to pay off the loans we are paying interest on! If she asks me I will not lie.

Show quote history

how will his cf friend know whether or not he had really gone to visit his sister? What is going on? what's he scared of, that she has surveillance on him. That's leaving aside the fact he had to lie about whose money it was

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/04/2025 22:08

Aworldofwonder · 04/04/2025 22:01

Has it definitely come from her? There's something odd about how DH rushed out, the money appeared and now he's still annoyed with you.

This is what I’m wondering. Could he have taken out another loan, possibly against your own house, to pretend you’ve got it back?

If she had paid it back though, it’s very telling that she could do so so quickly when put under pressure, suggesting she could have at any point. I think you need to go to the party to at least check the money has come from her. I’d begin the conversation “so, about that money…” and then leave her to answer. That way you haven’t said anything about it being returned or not. She’ll either say she’s paid it back, or say she’s going to, then at least you’ll know.

If you’re planning to try to repair your marriage you’re going to need to take control of the finances since he clearly can’t be trusted.

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 04/04/2025 22:04

CarrieOnComplaining · 04/04/2025 21:49

Very relieved the money is back OP.

“DH said he has to go and see his sister now to back up his lie. So we’ll be visiting his sis on Sunday”

What does this mean? What lie?

Think he said some of this money is his sisters, not all his / ours - and she needs it back. lol wtf. Just be straight. It’s our money! We want it back!

Are some people just unhappy and feeling guilty having money they don’t want to lend? It’s our money and we have to pay off the loans we are paying interest on! If she asks me I will not lie.

OP posts:
Aworldofwonder · 04/04/2025 22:01

Has it definitely come from her? There's something odd about how DH rushed out, the money appeared and now he's still annoyed with you.

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 04/04/2025 21:58

Yes I saw it, it’s come through. it’s cleared. Used some of it already to make payments.

It feels like such a weight lifted off our shoulders.

OP posts:
CarrieOnComplaining · 04/04/2025 21:49

Very relieved the money is back OP.

“DH said he has to go and see his sister now to back up his lie. So we’ll be visiting his sis on Sunday”

What does this mean? What lie?

Livingbytheocean · 04/04/2025 21:38

SpaceMoo · 04/04/2025 21:17

I was just making a list of these and more too @Livingbytheocean Have taken it to my own notes for myself instead of posting here.
So many problems, red flags. I might start another thread.

Yes you almost have a bigger problem than the money. The money was the result of your dh’s highly dubious decision making. No one is that naive. Is it possible he is strongly attracted/in love with this woman op? Because he is falling over himself to keep her in your lives.

Cherrysoup · 04/04/2025 21:38

You say you have the bank app: have you actually seen the amount has been transferred to your bank (from her!)?

With regards to the party, no, I don’t think you should go. Why would you want to? And buy her a present? No fucking way! I think she’s caused you so much stress and hassle that she’s killed the ’friendship’. Dead in the water. Don’t let your Dh be a sap.

Strictlymad · 04/04/2025 21:36

So pleased you have the money. Initially I thought this was an ill thought mess but I’m now more sure it’s a con. Robbing Peter to pay Paul, a financial advisor giving awful advice who can’t raise 40k. But yet when your dh puts the pressure on in front of her dh it magically appears. Fishier than the market on Friday

DressOrSkirt · 04/04/2025 21:34

I'm glad (and surprised) you got your money back @SpaceMoo!

I wouldn't be able to trust my DH again if he'd done that.
I can't believe your DH still wants to be friends with her!

Shatteredallthetimelately · 04/04/2025 21:29

Is this in a joint account?

With your DH asking what to buy her for a birthday present I'd get it set in stone that absolutely none of it gets spent on the friend.

AutumnChild99 · 04/04/2025 21:27

Very happy for you - Hopefully you'll sleep better tonight!

Bumblebeestiltskin · 04/04/2025 21:19

Absolutely cut ties with the woman. What's wrong with your H?!

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 04/04/2025 21:17

I was just making a list of these and more too @Livingbytheocean Have taken it to my own notes for myself instead of posting here.
So many problems, red flags. I might start another thread.

OP posts:
Livingbytheocean · 04/04/2025 21:14

Your dh knew the legal noose was about to be executed and he got there first. Probably warned her about the consequences. Something doesn’t add up with your dh’s behaviour. Why did she agree so readily? Why is he pretending none of this has happened? What about the interest? Why didn’t he tell you where he was going? Such easy dishonesty and pretence would be red flags 🚩 for me.

Why does this woman have such a hold over your husband?

BlondeMummyto1 · 04/04/2025 20:58

Great news. Sounds like the money came from her husband in the end

EnjoythemoneyJane · 04/04/2025 20:35

That’s great news! Very happy for you, @SpaceMoo. You now need to put that money somewhere safe so your chump DH can’t unilaterally send it to a Nigerian prince to secure a vast inheritance he’s been promised, or whatever the fuck else he may get a notion to do with it.

Stampees · 04/04/2025 20:21

I’d be exactly the same way. I’m so sorry your DH is not more understanding.

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 04/04/2025 20:19

Stampees · 04/04/2025 20:12

You got your money back and I bet your DH has learned something,

So, inquiring minds need to know… are you going to the party? 🎉

This is exactly what my friend has asked 🤣 Actually her advice was I have to pull away from this woman for all the shit she’s put me and DH through.
I feel like I’m done with her. DH even had the audacity today to mention what gift should we buy for her 50th and go to the party then? (This is when things went a bit sideways)

So he’s still brainwashed? Hypnotised?

OP posts:
Stampees · 04/04/2025 20:12

You got your money back and I bet your DH has learned something,

So, inquiring minds need to know… are you going to the party? 🎉

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