To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

"Consequences" 🤣

Didn't notice that. The autocorrect on my keyboard defaults to spanish as I live in Spain. However I stand by what I said. It is too easy to give radical advice on Mumsnet or any other social media as the posters (with no accent. Lol) do not have to live with the consecuences of their advice being taken.

@AngelRoja Was the accent over the "o" in poster intentional? 🤔

Glad you have a sense of humour, btw. 😊

Enjoy your weekend @SpaceMoo !!

Next for you is dealing with your dh and whether you can get some trust back. Because he clearly has shattered everything with his behaviour.

And I think he knows that.
He knows he didn’t need you to say ‘I’m not going’ fir him to tell CF ‘nope sorry but we won’t attend the party’
He knows ge fucked up. You not going has reinforced that.
So he is in his best behaviour, guilty etc….
But do you think that’s enough? Not saying it is or it isn’t. Just wondering what it looks like for you to rebuild the trust you had with your dh re putting you and your family together first. Knowing CF sounds manipulative as hell and it might simply all come down to him not being able to 1- spot the manipulation and 2- resist it.

Well done getting the money back but really count yourself lucky at then end of the day you borrowing money and basically lying about what the money was to be spent on is fraud a lot of people borrowed money and said it was for home improvements and then bought a harlequin property with the money financial advisors told them to do this and then harlequin went bust as it was a ponzi scheme and the serious fraud office couldnt help a lot of the people beacause they had lied also the financial compensation scheme at that time had a limit of £50.000 so many people lost a lot of money be careful who you trust especially financial advisors

Did he grow up poor op, this is something in his head, the need to be the big man to show off or to make up for some perceived inadequacy. Any normal person with decent self worth just wouldn't have done it. My dad was a little bit like that but that was low level so buying everyone a drink in the pub, wanting to be liked.

You are amazing.
Enjoy the peace.
But never forget.
You are far too good for your husband.
Please never trust him again.
I know thats harsh, but don't.

YOU got that money back, not him.
HE was prepared to devastate the family finances for his ego and pure stupidity.

Never forget this.

You are a great woman. Well done.

"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"....words I live by.

What's the situation like now @SpaceMoo ?

OP: It’s not a big loss as we barely saw them, but I do feel a little ‘petty’. Oh well.
(I only say this here on MN, but in RL I am bold and sticking to my guns!)

IMO it's impossible to be petty over £40,000!! I dropped a much closer friend over much smaller amounts than this, because it was her attitude to me over money & goods that I couldn't accept or ignore.

I do understand the internal backlash when you win after a hard fight, though. You were fully justified, you won & if the friendship is over that's because of her CFness & your DH's weakness/gullibility.

Oh no, OP, do not feel sad and petty!!

This is how people like that do things. They play with emotions. Her DH knew exactly what he was doing with that speech.

That stark fact is, it almost doesn't matter if she had every intention of giving it back. That's not the point. (Well, it kind of is and it isn't.) The point is she's a professional financial adviser yet took £40k off a man who she surely knows is a bit of a soft touch, with zero paperwork, zero commitment to pay you interest (therefore you lost out) and she was stringing you along with her woeful mismanagement of rental property story as well.

You are NOT in the wrong, those are huge, huge red flags!

If one were being cynical, one might almost think the DH's speech was aimed at softening your husband up so they can tap him for cash in future. You do have all of your finances needing a double signature, right?

I think this is highly likely too!

I expect the timing of your husband going over there, being not long before the big party, may have helped in getting your money (without interest!) back - as slimeballs one and two would not want to risk word getting out at the party.

I wonder if they know about this thread and are terrified of what this can lead to. Maybe your husband showed it to them.

Call me cynical but I agree with this.
They has no intention of paying you back and you forced them to.

they were caught out and now they are trying to make you look the mad one in that “we borrowed, of course we paid her back’ god knows why she’s not happy…”

your DH needs to wake up, YOU didn’t break this, HE DID, CF did

dont blink on this. Don’t flinch or waver.

Bloody hell, but that absolutely screams damage control.
Chillingly so.
I wonder has shit gone down before with her.
Because there is no way it would be normal to have singled you out like that, you are simply not that close.

Sounds to me as if the husband is well aware you are not dumb as muck like your husband clearly is, and that you have the potential to cause them serious problems over her unethical professional behaviour.

Please don't doubt yourself.
His aim is to make you doubt yourself.
You have had a year of stress over this grifter.

Hold your nerve, you were not wrong at all.

Protect yourself from your husband, he is of low intelligence, a danger to your family and clearly hasn't the brains he was born with that he has allowed himself to be taken in, used and put his own family at risk.

The worst thing you could do is doubt yourself over what has occurred.

A 40k unsecured interest free loan for a year breaches all types of professional ethics.

Whatever was the truth of this, her husband rushed into damage control mode.

You not being there has probably spooked them.

She should be reported and you really need to rethink your marriage to this deeply dumb disloyal man.

No wonder it doesn't feel like a win.
You remain married to an idiot.

What a pair of slimeballs. CF husband clearly getting ahead of any possible stories that might emerge and doing damage control. Fuck them both.

It was the CFs 50th Birthday and her husband was bound to say nice things about her, so as far as the speech goes, you are overthinking it. They may have had some terrible arguments about it once it came to light for him. You don't know. Him mentioning you both and another friend was a nice thing to do and probably his way of apologising in a round about way to you and your DH

The trust in your DH has been broken, though, he is still wanting to be friends with the CF and I am not surprised you are feeling so down. You have the money back, but you are still stuck with a DH problem

... in other words, he is rewriting the story to read that "The lovely lovely Moos put themselves out very considerably out of the true deep feeling and regard you hold the CF family in, aren't you wonderful wonderful people".

Makes it hard to come back and say "well actually we didn't do it out of the goodness of our hearts, in fact..."

"What! You are saying you aren't kind and lovely??"

Crafty eh?

I bet he worked on the speech for AGES. I just hope your DH wasn't flattered, but 😬😬😬

Oh and file her dh speech under "spin". It's trying to apologise without making himself or his own family look bad. Not very convincing, since in important ways, they are bad.

Ah OP I understand your disappointment. You may have regained your money, but you have lost a lot of regard for your husband, and that must really, really hurt.

If she had stolen the money from you in a dastardly untraceable crime and you couldn't get it back BUT he had never agreed to any of it and had been as horrified as you from the outset (or more as she's his friend), that would be enraging, but a lot less dispiriting. As it is, you have the money, but that confidence in your husband must feel pretty unrecoverable. And you can't even go to the police about it.

OP you did the right thing.

The CF like anyone in finance knows you should never do anything without a contract. She'd ask you to sign one had you been the ones to borrow money.

Whether or not she did or didn't intend to repay is by the by, the point is she knew she didn't have to repay and could very easily have claimed it was a gift.

You nor your DH will lose anything from dropping this family. They were never friends, none of these people have friends just people who are useful to them who don't expect anything but the odd party and some flattery in return.

Don't doubt yourself, it was only words, not actions after they were pushed to do something. Oh and expect to be tapped up again if you remain in contact. They will want a similar no contract deal if they do

How did the party go? Did your DH get taken in by anyone else’s son stories?