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AIBU?

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Original poster

To stop supporting DH

30 replies

staceysmom123 · 01/04/2025 08:52

DH went self employed a couple of years ago. It got off to a good start but business is railing off now and so is his income.

We’ve been living off my savings for a while now and I’m so stressed. I’m picking up extra hours where I can but I don’t want to leave a job I love that works well around DC.

AIBU to say I’ve had enough and that either our lifestyle changes (big house, holidays, cars, etc), or DH gets a job again?

DH is convinced things will pick up again but it’s been 12 months now, our savings will only last so long.

OP posts:
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BoredZelda · 01/04/2025 17:34

If his business has legs and is going to take off, then a bank will invest in it. If a bank says no to a business loan, then it’s not worth backing.

ginasevern · 01/04/2025 17:30

Serious self employed/business people rein in all extra expenses. They do not buy flash cars or go on costly (or even any!) holidays. He's taking you for a ride OP and that ride will end in destitution if you're not careful.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 01/04/2025 14:49

He needs to get rid of the car and stop the fancy holidays etc if he wants to continue down this road. I wouldn’t downsize if you can continue to live within your means (no longer dipping into savings) by making those changes. If you can’t then he needs a PT job to boost his income. Surviving off savings is all well and good as a short term, emergency solution, but it’s never a good idea to continue if you have other options

BillyBoe46 · 01/04/2025 14:46

He needs to get a job and do his business at the weekend. His ego can't cope with his business failing. He needs to stop letting his ego get in the way of supporting his family.

Avegtheme · 01/04/2025 14:22

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simpledeer · 01/04/2025 14:21

Stop using your savings!! He needs to grow up and get a job. You can’t keep financing his hobby.

Fluffyholeysocks · 01/04/2025 14:20

Set a time limit for his 'business' to pick up. If he's not bringing in money in 3 months time - he gets a job.
No more holidays until you can afford it.
Put your money in a fixed term savings account. Tell him you can't access the money.
Stop pretending life hasn't changed - if you carry on paying for everything, he has no incentive to get his business working. No takeaways, no meals out, no new clothes, no days out. He's got to feel the pain of his actions.

Hoggyhoghog · 01/04/2025 14:19

He can at least get a part time job.

toomuchfaff · 01/04/2025 14:14

Ally886 · 01/04/2025 10:21

Easier said that done if the car is in £5k of negative equity!

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even more reason for DH to get a job and stop faffing around with a business that isn't earning money whilst spending luke he's Elon Musk

CanOfMangoTango · 01/04/2025 14:11

Justlittlemerighthere · 01/04/2025 14:04

it doesn’t have to be an either or. He can keep his business going, but if he’s not earning presumably his work hours are down too. He can keep his own business and pick up a part time role elsewhere to pick up the slack

Well, this. I

If business isn't good, then presumably he isn't that busy so he can take on a proper job and continue building business on the side.

Gardendiary · 01/04/2025 14:07

Of course you are right - He needs to work whilst business is poor. He can still keep it going, but if it’s not paying, it’s a hobby not a business. Time to stop with using savings for anything non-essential too.

Justlittlemerighthere · 01/04/2025 14:04

it doesn’t have to be an either or. He can keep his business going, but if he’s not earning presumably his work hours are down too. He can keep his own business and pick up a part time role elsewhere to pick up the slack

Original poster
staceysmom123 · 01/04/2025 14:00

unsure what the deleted comments were but please remember to be kind.

thanks to you that have replied, I worry that I’m being unreasonable

OP posts:
Ally886 · 01/04/2025 10:21

toomuchfaff · 01/04/2025 09:46

the PCP car is the first to go and it goes on notice today...

living in cloud cuckoo land and dragging you on his delusion.

His hobby isn't earning money, and hobby job is done on the side as well as a job. Get a job.

Show quote history

Easier said that done if the car is in £5k of negative equity!

BlondeMummyto1 · 01/04/2025 09:53

staceysmom123 · 01/04/2025 09:11

DH believes it won’t get to that point as business will pick up.

I want to move to smaller house, get rid of his PCP car, stop going away, etc. DH wants to continue as though nothing has happened, making me feel as though I’m controlling for not wanting to take money out of my saving account.

We’ve continued like this for a year, scraping by thanks to svaings.

He’s living in a dream world. It’s been 12 months already.

Steambeets · 01/04/2025 09:53

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Steambeets · 01/04/2025 09:52

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Hoppinggreen · 01/04/2025 09:51

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When DH started his business we didn't have a holiday for a year apart from a week by the seaside in The UK paid for by MIL
You have been as daft as him OP by enabling this, when DH didn't make any money in a year and wanted to put our savings in I told him to bugger off and get a job - he did!

Steambeets · 01/04/2025 09:47

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toomuchfaff · 01/04/2025 09:46

staceysmom123 · 01/04/2025 09:11

DH believes it won’t get to that point as business will pick up.

I want to move to smaller house, get rid of his PCP car, stop going away, etc. DH wants to continue as though nothing has happened, making me feel as though I’m controlling for not wanting to take money out of my saving account.

We’ve continued like this for a year, scraping by thanks to svaings.

the PCP car is the first to go and it goes on notice today...

living in cloud cuckoo land and dragging you on his delusion.

His hobby isn't earning money, and hobby job is done on the side as well as a job. Get a job.

TheSoapyFrog · 01/04/2025 09:46

Of course he wants to carry on as you are in the hope his business will pick up, because it's your savings funding it.

I'd definitely be stopping all luxuries and extras now, and sending the car back.

Is there any reason he can't get some sort of job whilst he's waiting for business to pick up?

Steambeets · 01/04/2025 09:46

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Hoppinggreen · 01/04/2025 09:44

Its crazy
When you start a business you have to keep things really tight and make sure that you have money to live on, which I suppose in one way you do but you should only spend the minimum to eke it out.
If he hasn't made money for 12 months then its a hobby not a business and its time to stop and get a job

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 01/04/2025 09:42

All luxuries stop right now until he's earning a fair share of household income.

PCP car and holidays paid for out of savings while he fannies around?

No no no. Get rid of the car today and start making steps to change the rest.

arcticpandas · 01/04/2025 09:37

He's mad and irresponsible and so are you if you continue to accept this. For a year you have been taking on extra work and dug into your savings to fund his dreamproject. Enough is enough. If he has dreams he needs to work on them OUTSIDE a regular job that brings in money. I would be so resentful in your position and I would put a stop to this immediately. The cherry on the pie is him refusing to change his spending habits to the detriment of your savings. I'm fuming just reading this but the one who should explose by the unfairness, irresponsability, and the stupidity of his actions is you @staceysmom123 !