To think DH shouldn't have dropped off MIL

Absolutely. Your DH presumably wants to play the big man, hosting the Eid dinner, but he is expecting you to do all the cooking. Yes I get he does the cleaning ("slowly"!) but NO WAY should he be deciding that you as a family are hosting an exhausting production like this. You have got to both agree before invitations are issued. And tbh this should apply for anything beyond a cup of tea.

If he isn't discussing these ideas with you first, and allowing you a veto before invitations are issued, then he is treating you like a houshold appliance. That's not very nice.

My children will enjoy parties, celebrations, etc. until late. I don’t mind them being up if they’re having fun but I will make sure they’ve had a proper dinner at their usual time. Any food after that is then just a bonus.

OP’s DH should have made sure their DD was fed!

I’ve read all the OP’s posts now and I completely understand your frustrations about it @gollyimholly. Your DH sprung this on you and it would be like pulling Christmas out of the bag in its entirety with only a few days notice - buy all the presents, wrap them, put up decorations, make the house visitor ready, make all the traditional foods from scratch… ETA - I know it’s not like Christmas but that’s the only major event I have to compare it to and the thought of that stresses me enough.

As you were busy adhering to his family’s ridiculous demands cooking the feast, he should have made sure your DD was fed. That’s on him! You’re meant to be a team and feeding her is not solely your responsibility.

@KaToby I think the OP clarified that it was more decorating the house for Eid and her husband took hours to do it as he is very slow

RTFT it's not about a casual dinner on a week night. It's about festivity not filth.

This is what I was going to say.
You’re a SAHM to one child yet your house is so filthy it takes all night to clean it?

I don’t want to make it a competition but I was a single mum for 3 years with 3 children (2 under 5) I worked and my house was generally always in a state where I would be ready for visitors with an hours notice! You had from Wednesday and you don’t work so I’m really struggling to see the problem.
Do you and your DH not communicate about feeding your DD? Getting her to bed on time?

I don't mean it as a sweeping criticism of all things British, I'm just trying to say that how things are done here seems deeply unreasonable to me with regard to feeding children bland food and putting them away early. 10.30 is a reasonable time for a child to be up whose family has been on Ramadan time (lates) for a month and whose religion has a lunar calendar.

My children are flexible in lots of ways but not feeding a 2yo until 10:30 at night is far too late for lots of children. My 4yo is the definition of hangry if you don’t feed her. Integrating children into adult life only works to a certain extent and part of being a parent is making your child’s needs a priority. I don’t think making sure they are fed at a reasonable time is pandering or going to lead to “drink and diet related health problems”.

As usual there is a bit of a pile on. How mean to call the OP chaotic and disorganised. It was quite clear from her original posts and follow up posts that she is talking about making a complex South Asian holiday dinner and that it was not a matter of shoving a chicken in the oven. To manage that alongside looking after a 2 year old and alongside the evidently high standards of cleaning etc that the OP expects of herself (and perhaps her ILs expect of her) is the opposite of disorganised.

OP - yes, a taxi back would have been kinder to you and I think next time this would be a good idea. However, it sounds like your MIL is v set in her ways and perhaps a little vulnerable. I can understand that your DH might not have wanted to stick her in a taxi after the dinner if the idea had not been raised and discussed before - rightly or wrongly, I can see someone like that getting quite distressed if they were expecting a ride home. When you're all calm and happy, I would talk to your DH about how you can manage things better next time, so that he has time to explain how things will be to the ILs.

This thread is a perfect demonstration of how little people understand cultural differences. With a few exceptions almost everyone has belittled the OP. A Christmas meal is piss easy. I've done it and no way does it compare to Eid. Only the turkey needs any kind of prep. Christmas day also works completely differently. People are in their pyjamas slobbing around till late morning or afternoon. On Eid day the whole family have to be up early in the morning, showered and dressed up for prayers in the mosque. Traditional cooked breakfast, then visits or off to someone's (usually parents) for lunch. Then having people over for dinner. And people preparing overnight isn't unheard of because before Eid day people are observing Ramadan and busy with the prayers and rituals associated with that. Yes it can be a lot of work but it's what we do and we love the day.

OP I get your frustration. I don't think your DH is unreasonable for dropping his mother home, given the time. But next time insist on him helping out (even if he doesn't know to cook he can still do all the cutting and clearing up etc.) and do the cleaning/decorating in small amounts throughout Ramadan. I was like you when I was a young woman, trying to do everything in one go, but have learnt to relax and make things easy for me. For example I did the breakfast stuff days ago and froze it, making things nice and easy for me.

Watching with interest how everyone is critical of children eating late. Wondering how many holiday in the Mediterranean where children eat late, or have praise for Scandinavia and Finland where children are up super late in the white nights of summer. Maybe if UK children were better integrated with adult diet and meal times we wouldn't have so many drink and diet related health problems in the population later?

Congratulations, you must be person 9999 or thereabouts to dismiss a situation culturally different from yours as 'mental'.

This whole thing is mental. You stayed up all night cooking and decorating the house?! You didn’t check that your DC had eaten. These were two people in the house? Why would you do that and then begrudge your DH driving his family home? Both of your priorities are messed up

Are you fluent in English and ok with directions? OP's first post clarified that her MIL isn't. Are you a visible ethnic or religious minority much attacked in the media nowadays?

Congratulations on your independence but it's the result of chances of birth and privilege as well as individual effort.

Untrue if you are making traditional South Asian celebration food. It's complex.

Shop bought samosas are not comparable. Also shop food is not ritually pure unless from certified specialist outlets

I don't know but the OP may have needed a trusted supplier for a religious occasion anyway.

I wouldn’t be putting MiL in a taxi, but I wouldn’t have had everyone over so late in the day as that’s unfair to expect you / DH to make that drive and back. Could they stay over?
You must be exhausted, I would advise to arrange before hand if they need lifts it has to be earlier in the day and latest to leave yours to take them home 7pm. Your DC is your priority here and she needs to eat / sleep at correct times.

Your child didn’t eat until after 10? That’s the problem right there

How hard can cooking some food and tidying up after be? People do this with multiple kids all the time!
To be honest it sounds like you're just irritated at your husband helping your mil for some reason, even though you've said she a nice lady.

Indian food is as complicated or as easy as western food to make. Why did it take so long to make samosas? Just buy them not everything had to me made from scratch

Oh and Saturday she went to her family for Eid!! Would you skip Christmas dinner at your parents to get the cooking done for your in laws? No fucking way.

It was only 4 because half of them cancelled. She gave her schedule. It was 3 days. Thursday she went to multiple shops to get the food they needed, Friday /saturday she cooked multiple complicated traditional recipes because that’s what was needed to keep the guests happy. Would I have done it? No. Do many women do it? Yes. Is kicking down on these women and telling them they’re pathetic really a good plan? No. Pathetic is the man who can’t cook, treats the op like his domestic servant and books guests without asking her, forgets to feed his child.

FFS - I'm not that much younger, travel around London by myself, I certainly don't expect anyone to drive me home or organise a uber.
If I want one, I'll book it.
Occasionally if it gets towards the last train friends might invite me to stay over, but I can't remember the last time I did that, it's generally easier to go home (under my own steam).

And the OP to get a job too in stead of being a SAHM who still can't manage a meal for 4 people without a load of drama.

Reading all the responses now and I'm beginning to feel your stress op so apologies for the earlier comment

It sounds like you were trying your hardest to accommodate both sides of family and provide a perfect Eid celebration for your mother in law

Things got away from you as you were hosting and your little ones routine was abit up the wall

And let's face it who here hasn't had a kid who's crashed out at 4pm and woke at 7:30 on Xmas day and there's only buffet and turkey curry on the go?

I started with a harsh reply judging you but on reflection you were trying to do the best by everyone with little to no support from a soul and it kind of sucks

Then your hubby pissed off for 2 hours driving his mum uken and back leaving you with a fractious hungry tired over stimulatied toddler

Sounds very dramatic and work intensive for a 3 hour visit.