To think DH shouldn't have dropped off MIL

I still don't understand, after nights and days of "deep cleaning" and "decorating" and cooking, that neither you nor your Dd ate anything WITH them?

I find it telling you've ignored those asking why you don't eat with them. There's literally no reasonable answer as to why?

Also I don't agree people would respond differently if it was a Christmas meal not an Eid meal. The responses would be the same. Your husband invited them they accepted. There's no reason for the all nighter, the not feeding the 2 year old, the decorating and excessive tidying or the extensive cooking. Him driving them home is the very least of the 20+ issues apparent in your posts.

I'm not downplaying the significance of the meal. I've attended Eid with ex in laws and hosted one once (XH cooked all the meat though as I'm vegetarian!) I've also hosted Christmas for 13 people. I get it. But this was managed so badly that OP is knackered, resentful and didn't even get to sit down and eat with her family. It was managed really badly by everyone there. But only OP can make a change and stop being a martyr.

If someone said they did an ALL
NIGHTER preparing Christmas dinner then cooked all day then even when their guests were there 7.30-10.30pm they didn’t leave the kitchen and didn’t eat any of the food, people would DEFINITELY have something to say on that.

Oh dear OP, there are so many problems with what you have posted here.

I think if I had to sum it up in one sentence it is that your DH wants to host these big events at your house but does absolutely nothing to make it happen himself.

This actually isn't anything to do with the fact that he dropped his mother and sister home afterwards, which I think most people would have done in the circumstances.

Unless you live in a pigsty, which I am betting you don't, there is no reason why it should have taken your husband all night to clean and decorate the house. That's bonkers. It'll have been 5% cleaning and decorating, and 95% faffing.

I can much more easily understand why it took so long to prepare the kind of elaborate meal you are describing. But that's why preparing a meal like that should be a family affair, with multiple people pitching in. It's completely unacceptable for your MIL and SIL, who presumably have some idea of what it all involves, to accept being hosted year after year and not say, "We'll arrive at 5 and help in the kitchen", or "we'll bring the canapes and desserts". Samosas are the ideal sort of thing to be prepared in advance at someone else's house and transported in a big tupperware.

Everyone who was present, particularly your husband but also the other guests, should be thoroughly ashamed about the fact that after all that preparation you didn't get the chance to sit down and eat anything yourself, and that your young daughter's basic needs were neglected.

Next time you should tell your husband that if he invites everyone for Eid, you are going to pull a sickie at the last minute. And actually do it. (Because he won't believe you.)

This, finding all your posts @gollyimholly rather stress inducing with all the chaos!
2 yo dd up and awake 730-1030pm, and not ONE of the 4 adults seemed to think about her needs being the worst.
Why the need for redecorating and a deep clean?!
All the cooking and 3/4 days prep? Can't just be your 'it Indian food' my friends and family who cook this most days wouldn't have this level of drama.
As per pp I sense some level of martyrdom/drama llama. Just say NO, or leave to dh to host next time!

It CANNOT take all night then all day up to 7.30 then the entire 3 hours they were there to make the food you made. It just can’t. Otherwise no one would make it. And it is mental that you didn’t actually sit and eat with them. Again, that can’t be normal as I understand that the family eating the Eid meal together is important. And if you were in the kitchen you’d surely know your husband hadn’t made your daughter food as presumably he’d have had to come into the kitchen to do that, given she wasn’t eating the food you took 24 hours without break to make?

Why was your two year old still up at 10.30pm?

Why had your two year old not had dinner before they arrived at 7.30pm? Most 2 year olds have dinner around 5pm and then don’t eat again until breakfast.

Why did you have to clean up at 10.30pm when you were completely exhausted and still had to feed your child and put them to bed? Why couldn’t you just leave it until the morning and do it together with DH when you woke up the next day?

Your husband driving his mum home at 10.30pm and returning at 00.30am is not the problem. The problem is that you are being forced to host people when you are not willing to, you are spending 3 days to prep for their arrival (including redecorating!) you are then seemingly stuck in a kitchen for 3 hours waiting on everyone rather than joining in the party, and all family members are seemingly neglecting a toddler all evening.

Definitely agree that people wouldn't be responding so flippantly if the OP was talking about Christmas dinner. It's not about "chucking some food together". I don't disagree mum should have gone in a taxi though . Also though..OP if you were in the kitchen all the time, how did you not know your DH hasn't sorted dDs dinner? Presumably that comes from the kitchen too?

I get that it's food prep for a feast meal, but most of us cook for feast meals at various points throughout the year, with similar levels of meal prep (e.g. 10 different items). It might involve 3-4 hours of work ahead of time, and then sitting down to enjoy the meal together. Not this level of drama, OP.

I think we can safely assume the DH did not actually have an “all nighter” cleaning their house unless they’re extreme secret hoarders.
I mean literally no one does that. It’s clearly a huge exaggeration.

I think a lot of people are accidentally or deliberately not understanding the significance of the meal and the effort that would have been involved.
Im no expert but to put it into a Western context, and it maybe a bad example so I apologise, but its the equivalent of being told your hosting Christmas with a couple of days notice and all the food and effort that goes with that.

Your DH needs to stop volunteering for you these things or ask his mum and sister to help with watching the 2 year old whilst he assists you in the kitchen. Does SIL do anything to help?? If your MIL is kind and has caring duties for an elderly relative usually then I think it’s nice for her to be spoiled and looked after for the evening but SIL can definitely step up to help. She should have been responsible for getting MIL home both in time and cost.

Ask them to contribute then!

Not ideal, but I'd not dwell on it. You know for next time, don't host and organise a taxi beforehand 🙂 I don't really see the big deal in general if DH wants to drop his mum and sister off, it's the nice thing to do if you have the time and inclination (which in this case he didn't as you needed help)

The most ridiculous thing here, aside from the general disorganisation, is that you hadn’t had a discussion about how your MIL was going to get home at 10:30pm at night.

I understand it’s time consuming but I don’t understand you not being able to eat with the family. Is that usual?

I get that the food preparation would have been time consuming but why didn’t you eat with them? Surely that’s the whole point -to eat together?

I've read the whole thread and this is the bit I don't understand? Why on earth were you not eating given you'd spent so long cooking?

Why didn't you eat with them?

I think there is a lot of cultural misunderstanding on here about the significance of an Eid meal. There is a lot of preparation and it's a very labour intensive celebration, similar to Christmas meals.

Although I do agree with other posters that agreeing to this last minute was not a good idea. It meant there wasn't enough time to prepare properly, at a time when you were tired and lacking in energy, due to fasting.

So I think if your husband expects this again, you need a plan in place, way ahead of time, so you don't need to do a panicked all nighter to prepare. And if you're doing all the cooking, he needs to take on more of the cleaning/tidying preparation. Because Eid is a family celebration. It isn't a wife does everything and husband just enjoys thing.

So DD wasn’t starving and had eaten something? Dramatic YABU