To think DH shouldn't have dropped off MIL

Read the thread ffs.

What in the hell did you prepare and cook for it to have taken THAT long for just 4 adults and a 2 year old (who shockingly didn't get to eat any of it with the others!!)? Mind boggling!!

Absolutely this !
Culturally my family is Greek/ British and we all work together and help each other at any big family events. No way would the host be allowed to skivvy away in the kitchen like that !

You are too funny!

Oh come off it! Show me anyone from any of those cultures who has a 2yo at the table and doesn't feed them! Or who doesn't offer help so the host can join. You've clearly never been to Seder, Diwali, nor even met an Italian if you think that. For that matter, I've never met Muslims who sit in state without offfering help nor trying to feed the kids This is ALL about the individuals involved, stop trying to making it a cultural battle. OP should have made the cooking simpler knowing it was just her, ILs should have stepped up to offer help, the DH should have at least fed the kid!

I don't get why your daughter did nothave any dinner when you had a meal with your in laws. Where was your daughter when you were having the meal. I personally would have drove my mom back after the meal as I won not want her to travel on her own at this time.

Keeping watching this thread open-mouthed at how many people need new friends who make real samosas and have a religion that meaningfully intersects with daily life.

I didn't know so many didn't know.

Please get out there and mingle. Whether with strict Jains or observant Jews or Italian Catholics or South Indian Hindus or anyone 'different'. Life is a rich tapestry.

No wonder divisive politicians are getting away with so much if we don't or won't know our neighbours in any substantial way.

Please don’t let the hard of reading keep you from updating this thread, OP. I hope you and your dh reach a good understanding and that this coming year is the best ever for your little family.

This is unbelievable! Did not fed or put to bed. Cooking so many courses from scratch that you didn't even get to sit down with your guests and spend time with them. I might be out of order, but what century are we in?

In the future, either cook fewer dishes or order in.
You have created high standards for yourself that cannot be met. This is leading to stress.

5 adults not able to feed a 2 year old properly and put her to bed at a reasonable time is ridiculous and pure neglect. How do you expect a 2 year old to feed them self, ridiculous.
Whether ie Eid or Xmas a child needs should come first.

This!
10.30pm at night and the 2 year old still hadn't had dinner???

It doesn't look like the child was being starved until 10.30 pm. She was eating, just not her own designated "proper" meal. So all the outrage seems a bit much.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom absolutely!
Trying to keep a mother and sister happy at the expensive of his wife and Dd and by the looks of it himself. .
He needs to focus on how lucky he actulay is and embrace his wife’s family .
Id leave the mil and sil to fend for themselves now.

100%

So many people are focused on supermarket samosas or homemade samosas, it must be a suppressed craving for the out of reach good food or a need to pretend it doesn't exist because they can't get it.

The things in supermarkets aren't even samosas. I don't know what they are. It's better not to offer samosiform snacks if you can't offer homemade at this kind of festival, just do something different or order ahead from a clean private caterer and freeze.

#samosaenvy

@gollyimholly If you ever do host them again, which in my view should not be next year, what you could do is this. Delegate tasks to MIL and SIL, but get them to bring things like canapes and desserts, which can be substituted with less good ready made alternatives if necessary. For example, get some ready made vegetable samosas from Tesco and have them in the freezer. (I assume the meat ones you can get in regular supermarkets aren't halal.) Get some ready made western desserts like a chocolate pudding or similar. Either something that can be heated up from frozen or something you can keep in the fridge and freeze for another time if it doesn't get eaten.

The point of this is that if they actually do their part and bring homemade samosas and desserts, so much the better and you can have your special meal without cutting any corners. But if they show up on the day without bringing what they were supposed to bring, you have a backup option in the fridge/freezer and can save the day. No, it won't be as good as if you had slaved away making everything from scratch, but the part that will be sub-par will the part that they were responsible for.

If they say from the outset that they aren't willing to bring anything then you can legitimately just cancel the whole thing. You say, "No, an Eid celebration meal doesn't just materialise by magic. It's too expensive and too much work for one person to do on their own. I tried it once and it was a really bad idea, your sisters/husband cancelled on us at the last minute, I didn't have a single second to sit down and eat, and DD didn't even get fed. I know you love the idea of a celebration like the ones we have in my family, but it takes multiple people working together to pull it off. If you're not willing to muck in, the whole thing is off."

I think you did a wonderful job and hats off to you . I think MIl and SIL were cheeky for not at least helping with dishes especially as your husband drove them home, a two hour round trip at that time of night is crazy . They should have got a taxi . I see you even pay for that usually. They sure seem to have no conscience especially as they never reciprocate. Put your foot down and don’t do it so often .

The problem is that her husband's family expected all these dishes and would have a strop if they didn't get them, and her husband invited them all on three days' notice without consulting her.

Basically the only way for the OP to avoid what actually happened would have involved her husband losing face in front of his family, and she didn't want that. She doesn't even want to read him the riot act now, because he's feeling too "sensitive" about it.

If he's feeling sensitive it's because he knows he messed up, that he never should have invited his family in the circumstances, and that in doing so he dropped the OP right in it. But having that conversation would also involve admitting that he just doesn't have the kind of family he wishes he had, a family like the OP's where they can have these wonderful celebrations and everyone mucks in to help. The closest he can get to that is having the OP work her fingers to the bone doing an amount of work that would usually be done by multiple people, the wonderful meal ends up on the table for his ungrateful mother and sister, and he can pretend that the OP clicked her fingers like Mary Poppins and it all appeared. Except that the OP didn't get to sit down and their daughter didn't get fed, so if he's honest with himself he knows that despite all the effort it wasn't a success. It wasn't the kind of celebration he wanted and it never will be, because his family are not like the OP's family.

That's a hard thing to admit.

Not sure how you or @FortyElephants could come to this conclusion if you had actually read the thread tbh.

But lots of people have found themselves exhausted after cooking Christmas dinners. You can see thread after thread.
OP had already spent days preparing and a night cooking before hosting, if you actually read it. That is excessive, even for 5 star hotel, who caters for hundreds or any Christmas dinner.
What about simplify to 3 days of prep, one night of cooking and a few min of warming up on the day, so she sits to talk to family and enjoy the meal with them?
Just make a few less dishes. So prioritise family versus cooking more food than can be eaten. And if they so much want the whole menu, then someone will have to help, like in OP's own family.
Also, the more important part, who knows any family where a 2 year old is at risk of not eating during a family event? Because the people I know, the poor child is more at risk of being stuffed by all the family members fussing over them.
It is not OP's fault per se, but she and her DH need to do less cooking and more sitting. The same applies to those having issues with the Christmas dinner: simplify, so it is actually an enjoyable day, for all.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom thank you! At last someone who has not only read but also understood the op's post

Honestly, the sheer lack of comprehension shown repeatedly on this thread is astounding, whether deliberate or otherwise & I'm not sure which is more worrying & depressing..

Have read through the first few pages of this in utter disbelief.

I think it would help if people mentally replace “Eid” with “Christmas Day” before composing their replies. Then we might not get “why did you have such a busy day where you visited his relatives in the afternoon and then had your’s over?” or “Why didn’t you just cook a simple meal or get a takeaway?” etc.

This thread is turning interesting!
The problem is that:

1. You did too much
2. You spent your whole time cooking, instead of treasuring family time. Because what is important is to spend tome with the family, not around the family
3. The extent at which your priorities are messed up is such that you

You will say that this is expected of you as the reason. You cannot control what others expect of you, but you can control what you do. And you need to put your daughter first, your husband second and family actual bonding time third. Simplify the meal. Next time say to your husband that you love to host his family, you are looking forward and you are cooking X dish for them. They can take it or leave it or bring their own.