Don’t know what to do🫨🤯

Yes, temporary permission which is legally called "leave to remain". It's not a matter of opinion, it's literally what it is called. It is a fact. Leave to remain, and indefinite leave to remain aren't the same thing. Perhaps it was different when you were a baby.
Not that the terminology is particularly important to the OP....

Wow your H is an idiot!

As an overstayer, he won’t be able to work. If your tenancy is joint, I believe he will also be in breach of the tenancy as he will not have a valid visa.

He is jeopardising your children’s future. Income, home, and the possibility/likelihood of him being deported. It is a crime to overstay a visa; you would therefore be aiding a criminal.

I have absolutely no sympathy for him whatsoever. He is not wonderful. He is placing the person he is meant to love the most in the world under immense stress.

I really feel you need to take a wider look at the dynamics of your relationship, as it doesn’t sound healthy at all.

And definitely hide your children’s passports, and make their school/nursery aware of the situation - as let’s face it, he is not going to submit the application in time.

No, they have a temporary permission to stay in the UK provided they abide by the restrictions of the specific visa they have been awarded. The visa can be revoked at any time and they can be deported. ‘Leave to Remain’ is a completely different legal status (and specific stamp in the passport) with a separate application process, based on remaining in the country on a valid visa (incl a spousal visa), complying with its conditions, for 5 years.

I know this because I was brought into the country as a baby on my mother’s UK passport and found out when I was 21 that she had never sought leave to remain or naturalised me as a british citizen. I was on the brink of being deported to the country of my birth but the foreign and commonwealth office agreed that I had no control over what was done on my behalf as an infant and allowed me to apply for ‘leave to remain’. Not a visa. I was then, 5 years later, allowed to apply to be naturalised British.

Can't he get a loan? Let him spend a day trying to get a loan and see how much that would cost and perhaps his pride will be tempered a bit. Could he write to her if he doesn't want to do it face to face, 'Dear MIL I would be so grateful if you could lend me my visa money, I would of course agree to whatever re-payment schedule you require, thank you so much for your generosity in considering to do this for me, your loving DSL.'

OP says he works.

No. Anyone on a valid visa has leave to remain. Leave to remain, then further leave to remain, then indefinite.
None of that is true.

I’ve been with my dh since I was 19. When he wasn’t pulling his weight parenting and in our life and when I was unwell I told him we’d be divorced if this was all he had to bring to our marriage. You don’t have to be scared

This. As someone who has to apply for two different visas I can't imagine why anyone would leave things this late (and I'm someone who does most things last minute). I don't think he's that bothered about staying or he's not that in to you. Only you know what is really going on.

You haven’t “found” yourself in this situation. When you married you were both perfectly aware of how the visa system works and will have had YEARS to sort it out but leave all the wailing and gnashing of teeth until the last 48 hours of the visa.

You are just as guilty as him because your default position has been to expect ask your mother to make up the shortfall, knowing full well the history of his rudeness and not paying back previous loans. I think both of you sound very immature and naive. As others have said, if he ends up being deported ( and let’s face it, these days the government are all too happy to use soft deportations of overstayers to boost up their poor record of dealing with illegal non visa possessing immigrants) he will not be granted another visa to return.

Erm ‘Leave to Remain’ is not conferred by a spousal visa. You usually apply for leave to remain once you have lived with a valid visa in the UK for a minimum period of 5 years. If he is here on a visa then he has not applied and only has ‘temporary’ right to stay, hence the issue for the OP.

In order to get credit/credit cards, as a non UK resident, you usually have to have been living at the same address for three years and also have held a full time job for longer than 6months. It is not clear that he has been here on a visa and residing at the OP’s address for that period. Even were he to have done so, the likely credit facility available will be hundreds, not thousands.

He shouldn't ever be that way. "Oh he's only a massive selfish twat sometimes" means he IS, in fact, a massive selfish twat. Your mum obviously knows you can do better.

The reason your Mum wants him to sort it out directly with her is presumably because she wants HIM to take responsibility, and for you not to be a go between / for you to have the worry or burden or feel any responsibility for what is HIS debt.

And she is right.

She doesn't want him to 'beg', she wants him to take direct responsibility rather than through you.

And in fact doing it though you makes it no less of a 'beg' - and increases it as he isn't taking responsibility.

He caused this mess with his financial inefficiency and chaos.

Sorry OP - he is arrogant, controlling and a bully.

Hold tight to your Mum - you re going to need her, is my guess.

Yes, that's exactly what you could do - he's obviously not that bothered.

He's a twat. Tell him to fuck off.
Then report him to the authorities.

With each new bit of info about him he comes across worse. He thinks your mum should shell out “for her daughter” when it’s the rude son-in-law whose behaviour and attitude have caused this whole situation.

amazing.

Sorry OP but I disagree that he is not doing anything wrong. Staying upstairs when they visit is rude and passive aggressive. Well done your mum and sisters for persevering in staying in close touch with you, so that you don't end up isolated by your husband's unpleasant behaviour.
Of course he has to speak to your mum politely and rationally if he wants to borrow money from her. And he has to deal rationally with the visa situation too, not stick his head in the sand and wait to be deported.

You are of course making the assumption that he has a job. That might be quite an assumption.

Yes they are. Assuming he has leave to remain (which he would on a spouse visa) and income. Perhaps not the best rates, but people get mortgages and everything. I can only assume MIL is not the only person he has not paid back on time... otherwise this would be the obvious solution.

Morally, he shouldn't take her money then.

Can't believe this is a grown-ass man with so many responsibilities who'd rather live separately in a different country to his wife and kids than swallow his pride and comply with the sainted hated MiL's perfectly reasonable request.

I suspect he DOES want to check out of family life and this has given him the perfect opportunity to exit stage left. Once he's in another country, chasing for maintenance will also be a ball ache. My mother never saw a penny from my exiled father.

@Plummutum

“He also revealed that the reason he acts this way around my mum is because he once heard from others that she sometimes gossips about him and says mean things which hurt him and changed his view of her so he doesn’t see her like a mother.”

So he listened to gossip - from someone gossiping - that your mother talks about him in private. He’s as bad as is his ‘confidante’ in that situation. And from the sounds of it your mother has reason to talk about him to others.

You said he leaves the room after a simple ‘hi’ if your mother or family are around. Has he always been like that to some degree? If so his latest excuse is bullshit. And your partner might not love your family but modelling polite and civil behaviour is what adults do. Especially for their children. He sounds like a surly teenager skulking off to his room the minute others arrive.

He doesn’t see her like a mother. She isn’t his mother. She’s yours. She’s looking out for you. He sees her like a cash machine when it suits him.

Say she lends him the money again - what’s next. What will be the next thing he takes issue with? Even if she gives him the money now the relationship will be worse. He will resent your family more. You will be stuck in the middle more.

this is not pride. Stop labelling it that. Pettiness. Arrogance yes. Pride romanticises it. ‘He’s such a proud man’. But he isn’t is he. Proud men don’t put their wife and family in this position.

Quite often these lines of credit are not available to you if you do not have residency status. Ie HE cannot get money this way and it would be down to OP to take on this debt herself.

Is there a reason why getting money from an alternative source-like a credit card or a bank or credit union loan- is off the table?

If these options are viable, then maybe you could take your mum out of the picture and tell him that you can both do it without her via one of these routes.

It would stop putting you in the middle of your mum and your husband and would give him a way to help himself, thus saving any pride that he feels he is forfeiting.

It would become a straightforward loan from a business institution, no begging or feelings involved.

I feel for you, but as others have rightly said, you need to get your ducks in a row and start planning.

Your husband is not proud, he is a misogynist. The way he treats your Mum and sisters is appalling, and now grasping at straws by saying he heard of some idle gossip and he changed his opinion of her? Really? Have a serious think about that. Your Mum, who sounds kind and has the grace to put up with his obvious rudeness around her and your sisters?

I sincerely hope if you have daughters, you are going to redress some of the balance here, before they learn their place in their Father's world. As for your sons, ask yourself what kind of role model their father is to them? Treat women like shit and be disrespectful at every turn, yet expect them to scurry about putting solutions in place for him?

The fact that you laughed about the child's passports and said "you lost me" at the (very real) suggestion, makes you come across as naïve at best.

You have bigger problems than your husband's "pride" I am afraid.

You have come onto a public forum to ask for advice, and most of the advice is sound, yet you have continued to insist that you must have your husband's back and go to lengths like have a legally binding document drafted and present to your Mum without thinking that is quite ridiculous under the circumstances?

With respect, please wake up.

Use your Mum's very generous loan to sign up to an intensive driving course and get your license. Follow the advice re council tax, benefits, child maintenance, etc.

Your husband's latest tantrum is him showing you who he is. Believe him.

To be blunt Op he knows you won't want your DC father deported so he has you where he wants you, you'll sort out the visa money for your DC sake, that's why he's only stressing about it now because you've finally said it's down to him.
He hasn't saved enough or got a part time job to pay for the visa because he thought you'd sort it, he won't ask your DM, he knows the rules so he either wants to leave or he's just very entitled
Your poor DM must wish you'd never met him