Don’t know what to do🫨🤯

I have read a bit more. Sounds as though he has you brainwashed. He’s a good guy when everyone else enables his life…who isn’t? If people bend over backwards to please us , we can all seem like saints. It’s how people react in times of adversity that true colours show. He doesn’t repay money, he expects everyone to do for him things he should do for himself. He accepts no accountability, he stomps off in a tantrum when not getting his way.
You man is showing his colours big time. You need to take off those rose tinted specs and look at him properly.
Because they’re all lovable when times are good..it’s how loveable are they in the difficulties

its as straightforward as he needs to stop being a dickhead or he'll be deported.

At this point i'd pack his bag, put him out and tell him he isn't coming back in the house, or making you party to harbouring an illegal immigrant, and until he asks your mum for the money like a grown ass man, he isn't coming back in.

You don't need to be on his side when he's in the wrong!

Because this is how your husband is choosing to end it.

Your DH could "proudly" draft his own repayment schedule for your mother and show that he's not asking for a handout. He could take pride in dealing with his own visa situation instead of hiding behind you. However, he's taking a different approach and that is his choice, probably because he feels guilty and angry. Like I say, it's HIS choice

You both seem pretty resigned to this visa not being renewed. If that is the choice you are both making, then you need to start preparing for life without him. Protect your assets, revoke your sponsorship, make sure he can't take the DC (even if you don't think he would, do it anyway).

Well that’s on him, isn’t it. He’s putting his pride ahead of you and being with you here, so what does that tell you about where you stand with him? You aren’t his slave to enable his wishes while he just reaps benefits. If he wants his visa money, he has to talk to the donor and agree a repayment plan and hopefully sign a legal agreement, because that is only fair to the person kind enough to offer the money.
He is your husband, not your child. He has to take responsibility for himself

So, as of now, he’s stormed out the house as we had a massive argument because I was advising him to speak to my mum but he’s gotten it into his head that I want him to “beg” her.

No, he's stormed out of the house because he's completely in the wrong and can't reasonably defend his position. So he's pitched a strop like a spoilt teenager.

Quite frankly, having failed to sort this out himself he absolutely should "beg" your mum if he wants her to bail him out of the mess he's made.

It's his responsibility to sort out his visa status. It's his responsibility to fund it. He has failed utterly on both of these issues. He's put your family's future, your rental agreement, his job all in jeopardy.

But he thinks he's too important to 'beg" your mum to help, when he treats her disrespectfully and has a history of not paying her back? He should be on his knees thanking her for even considering it, @Plummutum !

Your mum is demonstrating appropriate and fair boundaries.

I am surprised you are even prepared to let her lend the money when he has been flakey about paying her back in the past though.

I suggest that her money would be better spent on paying for driving lessons for you as his main redeeming feature seems to be that he "drives you everywhere"

I know it’s not a straightforward process, and can be expensive, but since the alternative is being deported from the country where your wife and children live, and where you have chosen to build a life with them, it strikes me that most people would want to make the effort. The OPs husband seems so distanced from the situation that he can’t even take the simplest action of renewing his existing visa using money that is being offered to him.

It sounds like your mum is standing up for you, because you won't stand up for yourself OP.

What does you DH think will happen? It appears that he is just expecting you and your mum to sort everything out for him, and he's too special to do it for himself. Sounds like he needs a dose of reality. I wouldn't be worrying too much about keeping him frankly.

I've been through this process.
You need to save in advance for the fees, there's no leeway and applying late opens an even more stressful can of worms.
It might technically be his responsibility but you're a team and its going to impact you regardless so 'leaving him to it' isn't a normal course of action.
However, these arguments should have happened ages ago, so that you were ready to apply.
Pride needs to go out the window where visas are concerned. Its too important to take the risk with.
If he won't listen to reason then you have no choice really.
But it does sound like you could use CC/loans but that you don't want to increase your debts?
Not a good situation all round and you need to have some serious conversations with him about the meaning behind his behaviour.

I know you say he’s not being rude but getting you to go to your mum and ask for money and then refusing to do the polite thing and ask her himself is really rude to me. There are things on each side of the family the spouse that family comes from should deal with of course but asking for a loan for his visa is not one of them. He needs to see that this is his responsibility, nothing to do with pride just a transaction that your mum also needs to be protected with and shown a little consideration. I hope you get it sorted but this is on him not you to sort out.

Well, because he's being an arsehole. You've mentioned in another comment that you have children with this man.

If he cannot put his pride to one side for THEM, then I'm afraid you'll have to throw that rotten fish back in the water. Let him swim off elsewhere.

Well, I understand, but what am I supposed to do? Just abandon him and let his visa expire?

Yes, this is exactly what you’re supposed to do because it’s precisely what he’s doing. Your mum has offered him a (more than reasonable) lifeline and he’s refusing to accept it. He’s an adult and he’s made his choice, you should not have to rescue him from his choices.

He has the means to sort this out himself and is choosing not to.

How does that make you feel, OP?

This is your reality.

(As an aside, how come it’s not ‘we’ and ‘our money’?)

*oops, cross posted. Do you not have access to money? Do you not share finances, do you not have access to his wages to repay your mum?

It's not right. It's really unfortunate that so many people aren't aware of what is available to them! Perhaps it isn't as easily accessible or advertised, but lines of credit, even mortgages are available to those on limited leave to remain! Speaking from very recent experience!

There may be a few reasons, some financial. You have to be on a limited leave to remain visa before indefinite leave to remain. ILR is £2885. And then you can apply for citizenship, but it isn’t cheap. £1630. And there are NHS surcharges. There is the Britishness test, and biometrics, and an English test, if you don’t come from an English speaking nation, also chargeable.

I’m not necessarily defending OP’s partner and there may be a reluctance to commit as indicated above, but I will say that the visa process is long, stressful, and expensive. They don’t just let people in, despite what the Daily Mail says.

That’s right about the credit.

When I came here (admittedly a while ago), I got married to a British citizen and was given limited leave to remain for 2.5 years. Then I had to apply for indefinite leave to remain. After that, I applied for British citizenship and received it and am a dual national. It was not until I had indefinite leave to remain that I qualified for a mortgage or much in the way of a credit line.

Completely agree. See ya !

I suggest he either buys a ticket and leaves asap or asks for the money and not miss the deadline. I’m saying this not to be nasty but overstaying will be a lot worse than leaving and re applying. I’m sorry about this situation .

I assume since you met at University that he was then on a student visa. Marrying you meant he could up that visa to a more permanent arrangement .

What I don’t understand is why in the years since he has not consolidated his situation - considering he has a wife, children, a job, is paying taxes etc - by applying for citizenship. Does he not see life with you and the children as his future too? It does sound to me as though he has always seen his residence in the UK as a bit temporary, you have helped him by providing a reason and the means to be in the UK but for some reason he doesn’t really care too much about that any more since he can’t even bring himself to accept your mothers help to stay.

The fact this is even being considered is ringing alarm bells.

Which country/continent is he from?