Don’t know what to do🫨🤯

You are wasting time talking to him.

You need to let go and allow him to be deported. Personally, I would be calling immigration to come and pick him up.

This isn’t your battle. You can’t make another person do the right thing,

He doesn’t have “pride” or he would have ensured he had money to pay his own way. He’s a user

And many tens of thousands are not fleeing anything at all, and are economic migrants.

All those people fleeing wars and human rights abuses?

I'm going to disagree a little with previous commenters. His visa is a spouse visa and you are his link to stay in the country - it's a partnership, otherwise he wouldn't be in the UK. Your mum would be helping both of you in that she's helping her daughter's husband be able to stay in the country. It's not just your husband, she is also holding out and I think using the money to force him to acknowledge her. She knows that you as a couple need the money. I don't think it would be that strange for her to transfer you the money without him coming to her and having to ask, but perhaps in some way she wants to humiliate him a bit?
This doesn't negate the fact that your husband is at fault by putting his pride ahead of your relationship, btw!

Quoting this to bring it back to @Plummutum attention.

Btw, in whose name is your other debt under? Hopefully it's in his name and not yours otherwise you are going to be REALLY screwed in the future.

Listen to these wise words @Plummutum.^^

No you don’t need to be on his side.
He has a responsibility as a partner to you to do his best for your relationship. He’s not doing that right now. I am all for people supporting each other, but he sounds like an enabled twat. Sorry. He needs a massive kick up the backside to get his stuff sorted.

I’m also wondering if OP has met the rest of his wider family as being an orphan is convenient if you have an inconsistent backstory.

Good point! And yes, orphans are the last people ever to be spoilt (my father was an orphan so I know this). By definition. In fact they grow up tough having to fend from themselves and learn to do everything for themselves, never relying on anyone else. This 'orphan' story smells far more rotten than Denmark. I've never heard of such a thing as a 'spoilt orphan' before.

Edited to say that I've never heard of an orphan being able to afford to go to another country to study, either. Unless it was via a scholarship. But then people who get scholarships are hard-working, independent and responsible. None of which OP's husband is. An orphan that can afford to travel overseas and fund himself as a student living in a foreign country? Yeah right! Orphans can barely afford to feed themselves or afford a hovel in their own country.

This marriage is all very convenient for him, but I think your Mum can see that it’s not for you.
He shows blatant disrespect for her, and no love care and respect for you.
i would be concerned you don’t know him as well as you think you do.

I’m wondering if he had the money all along and is seeing how far he can push it with this family he sees as a piggy bank. I’m also wondering if OP has met the rest of his wider family as being an orphan is convenient if you have an inconsistent backstory. Being a spoilt orphan is most unusual.

That’s not generous. That’s normal behaviour from a spouse.

I don’t think it’s pride at all. If he was proud he wouldn’t be asking anyone’s help at all and would have got things sorted. He IS arrogant as PPs say and he has no respect for your mum, you or the country that has given him a home.

If I knew who he was I would report him so he could be deported! He doesn’t deserve to stay. How dare he not follow the rules when some people try so hard to stay and get kicked out.

If it was me I would have offered to pay for his taxi to the airport!

Seems like it’s a shame he got the money in the end.

It is. OP is now foolishly trapped with this man who only married her for a visa, and I bet her mum is heartbroken that her daughter is now trapped. OP is a silly fool if she won't divorce him and get away from him.

Yep. It's a marriage of convenience. No love there from him. He married her to remain in the country. He saw OP coming and she still refuses to see it because she is scared of being alone. Her poor mum is most likely disappointed because her daughter is now trapped with this worthless pos. She probably thinks 'how am I ever going to get my daughter out of this marriage?'

Well they do have kids together, so it's understandable op wants him local.

Yes, exactly this.

He sounds like my brother’s ex wife - a taker and a narcissist! She acted spoilt, sulked when everyone wasn’t doing everything for her, got people to pay for things and didn’t pay them back. Like your partner she had no qualms borrowing from friends or family and felt entitled to the money and never paid anyone back. My mum paid for her flights home to the US, paid for all my nephews extra curricular, his child care etc… and she would still slink off like it was a hardship to be around her. She split up with my brother around the time she got citizenship (which again my mum helped her out with) - we are pretty sure she was cheating on him but hung around for the citizenship to go through. She owes my mum thousands which she will never see again (my mums a bit of a pushover and loaned her money even after they split). Watch this space he won’t pay his friend back but he couldn’t possibly be expected to for x,y,z reason - there’s a reason he didn’t want to sign a legal agreement!

What fighting for his marriage did he do op? He did telling you to ask your mum, he did leaving it till the last minute, he did refusing to ask your mum when that would have fixed it… he isn’t doing any fighting for his marriage and I think you’re starting to see that even if you can’t acknowledge it.
please focus on how you’d care for yourself without him. Job, housing, benefits.

You think it's funny??

He could leave and take them with him? Where is he likely to be deported to?

He waited you out. He truly thought you would pull out all the stops to save him.

Now that you haven't, there's a good chance he might change with you. A spoiled man who didn't get his way has a tendancy to do that. Time will tell. Good luck OP.

You said that he supports your studies - are you still studying? and also working and mum to 2 kids?
Are these further studies or did you not complete your degree - due to pregnancy? You mention he proposed after 1.5 years - was that while you were still at Uni?

sorry for the questions, just trying to workout the timelines and the visa deadlines - you have one child at school, so Im jumping the gun here in thinking you may have deferred your uni to have a child, whilst he stayed on as a student. Then married?

No one was going to say anything negative if he had raised the funds the way he should have…over the period of a valid visa so he had funds when it expired.
Of course there are questions as to where he raised it from, 2 days before his visa expires, after acting like he did when money was offered by your mother, putting you through the hassle he has, and getting it from a friend, on loan, and now apparently, it’s more than one friend because you said one of those helping is female. So he owes money right left and centre, has no qualms about putting his problems out for others to solve, borrows money he probably can’t easily pay back, getting you as a family into more debt than you already have

and you think anyone but you is going to think hey, the boy did good in the end?

He did appallingly and just because he has raised some funds by begging, does not bring the saga to and end…because the repaying or not will bring its own drama .
He should count himself very fortunate to have found you, because most women would be standing up for themselves and the kids against this deadbeat. rather than making excuses for the inexcusable.

@Plummutum
You are also have to remember
He/you now need to repay your DM back
He/you now need pay friends kind loan back
He/you are already in debt (your words)
He/you now need to start saving for the next visa renewal
If you can actually afford all this on top of maybe any debts you have not disclosed… why has this been left til the day before it’s needed… i feel like you are not listening to all the valid advice on here… things will get worse if you carry on allowing him to bury his head in the sand… you seem to be making excuses for his intolerable behaviour 🤔

Sorry Im confused. You said he needs a visa but then isn’t breaking any laws if he doesn’t get one so what exactly are you paying for?

There must be a penalty for not renewing otherwise nobody would bother 😂