Don’t know what to do🫨🤯

I think your mum sees him for what he is and you see him through Rose coloured glasses. Does he work? If so why can't they help him. Does he always rely on you to sort stuff out. He sounds like he doesn't respect women and just sits back and let's them all sort it for him.

Does he have a job?

You aren't giving up on him. He's giving up on you. He can't even be bothered to ask your mum for the money himself. On top of that he thinks he shouldn't have to pay the money back.
I hope your mum stands her ground and he gets deported for your sake. You and your children deserve better than the deadbeat.
And I hope you took the advice to hide the children's passports. Legally he can take them out of the country without your permission (if he's on the birth certificate) and you may not be able to get them back, depending on where he goes. You might think he'd never do that but so does every other woman it happens too
At any rate you can't trust him because of the way he acts. Nothing you can do for him now. He had the chance and he blew it.

It is not only his job that's at risk. Assuming you are renting, your landlord has to verify that he has the right to live and work in the UK.

He had literally years to save up for the visa. One has to assume that he is not only very irresponsible but also not too bothered about remaining here with his wife and children.

Is he working OP? If so then his visa expiring could see him lose his job - employers can get into a lot of trouble if they have someone whose right to work is invalid. That being the case, would that impact your joint income such that it would not meet the minimum requirement for the spouse visa?

Is his country somewhere you’d want to live? Did you meet there?

Did he let it expire op?

You sound like you make a lot of excuses for him OP, and you seem to be laughing over his lack of organisation, over this visa issue. How can this be attractive to you, him being so blasé about obtaining a visa extension so he can be with his beloved family, and he has 2 children!! If I was him, I would have worked my fingers to the bone to make sure I had the cash, to make sure the authorities would let me stay in this country, so there would be no doubt that I could be expelled. Your mum is a saint considering he was slow/didnt pay her back in the past.

First, I think you should ask yourself why you think he’s wonderful. Then, as you have a good relationship with your family, why you would let anyone treat them badly.

Then I think you should ask him exactly what he thinks he has to be proud of. He borrows money and then gets skeevy about repaying it. He is incapable of dealing with his responsibilities and doesn’t care enough about being with you to ensure he can stay with you. He expects your mum to bank roll him without any commitment from him that he will repay her.

Whatever it is that is wonderful about him, it sure ain’t his values

Your husband has a solution and is refusing to do anything about it! Are you sure he actually wants to stay in this country?! Surely if he did, with 48 hours to go, he would do the necessary and agree to your mums terms, which are totally reasonable given your husband's track record with not paying her back.

id be asking dh if he actually wants to remain in the country? Sounds to me like he doesn't!

Your mother’s request is totally reasonable. She wants him to ask and him to promise to repay the loan. She doesn’t want her daughter working extra or scrimping to find the money.

Now you are a couple so in reality you should be a financial team. However, if he has a history of financial insolvency, she likely expects he will just let op take on this burden solo.

He should be there with a realistic plan written out for when he will make each repayment, even if the process is slow. that is how a decent person asks family for a loan.

people aren’t being crazy about hiding the passports. If he takes the children with him, getting them back can be close to impossible.

Sorry, you might not like this, but he sounds like pure scum, even if he cooks for you and drives you places. Did he marry you to get a visa? I wonder.

He shows no respect to your mother, whose feet he should be kissing for helping him out, and he 'forgets' to pay her back. Charmer. He ignores her when she comes over. He wants someone else to do his dirty work and ask for a loan. But won't agree to pay it back.

Where did you get this piece of shit? Seriously. I could never sleep with a bludging user like this. My fanny would dry up drier than the Arizona desert. Seriously, how can you respect him enough and look at him, knowing how he has used and abused your family, and get into bed with him? How do you do it. Wake up, this is fate! Hopefully he will be deported and you and your children will be well rid of him and you can find a decent man who was socialised properly and raised properly. This is fate giving you a message. Let it go, then file for divorce and get on with your life, this germ if he stays will eventually get you saddled with debts, he sounds like that type of person. For goodness sake, wake up, tell him you want a divorce and maybe it's good his visa has ended, you've seen the real him and the offer of money from your mum is revoked. He is garbage. Take the fate and guidance from mother nature.

Actually, it's him who seems happy to risk having to abandon you OP. He doesn't sound great.

What he’s telling you is he doesn’t think (in your words) all that you’ve ‘built’ together is worth the 2 grand or whatever it is. You and your kids aren’t worth it. That sucks.

But don’t be in denial, OP. Think of yourself and your kids and protect them. Hide passports and start seeking financial protection and ensuring you have a roof over your head if/when he buggers off.

I guess the danger with the attitude he is showing is - you and your kids aren’t his priority. Your mum could pay his visa and he could still leave you but remain in the country with someone else.

He’s annoyed she’s demanding to be paid back and wants assurances he’ll do so. He may be relying on pressure from and love for you to waive this - that alone is despicable that he’s willing to gamble your futures away on emotional blackmail!

Why do you love him? How did you meet? When did he propose? How long before kids?

💐

Honestly I would let him fail. The whole system is a PITA I know, but if you borrow money then surely paying it back is the norm, nothing to do with pride.

My husband is not from the UK and we have lived there and here in is county so I have also experience on the visa issues and the help needed to make it happen.

Also, can he apply for ILR at any point? This will make the whole extension thing a non-event once it is done.

@PlummutumI suspect you might be quite young. On that assumption I’m going to say what I would say to my own daughter. This is not a good man. Be selfish. Protect yourself. And make sure that your contraception is rock solid. Under NO circumstances get pregnant, even if he suggests it. Which he well might.

If you’ve both known the visa expiry date for ?5 years, why on earth have you not saved?
This isn’t a few pounds short, it’s £2.5k.
I know financially it’s tough with young dc but it’s going to be tougher when your dh gets deported.
Is your dh working?
Does he want to remain in the Uk?

Sounds to me like the little visa money saved will be going on air fare.

OP, your husband simply doesn’t really care about staying with you and the kids. Hard to process but evident by his behavior.

slways judge a person by their actions not their words. He has proven that he just doesn’t care- or he would’ve acted differently.

with the total lack of gratitude and respect for your non and I’m assuming you too I would suggest you reevaluate your marriage.

Turn it back on him? Does he really value you and your relationship so poorly that he’s willing to risk being arrested, detained and deported? What are you meant to
do then, follow? Is he hoping to end the relationship and return to his country/ go to another without you? He clearly doesn’t give a shit about your peace of mind and happiness - if he overstays you will be apprehensive over each phone call, letter and knock on the door.

Make him take some fucking responsibility. He’s meant to love you. Does he? Or does he have a problem with women in general which is why he doesn’t care about your feelings and is refusing to ask your mother? Is he angry she’s asked to be repaid and is calling the shots? Sounds like a prince.

LTB, he sounds like a chancer.

Even though my responses have been relatively lighthearted, this situation has caused me an immense amount of stress and anxiety.

No OP. Your husband is causing you stress and anxiety.

He’s not feeling stressed because you always sort it/ bail him out and he’s expecting you to carrry the emotional and practical burden of fixing his problems once again.

Except this time your mums not giving him that out. Hope he likes his home country…

Does he realise that if he applies for his spouse visa extension late that this will affect his immigration record with the Home Office?

If his immigration record is affected by a late visa extension application then the Home Office may refuse his future application for indefinite leave to remain. That could lead to years of wrangles with the Home Office and thousands of pounds in fees in trying to sort the mess out.

He does not sound a good husband or father or one that prioritises you, your relationship or your children.

Your mum would be within her rights to change her mind and refuse to lend the money. I hope she thinks about doing so as that may save you more long term heart ache in the future.

He has had 33 months to save up for the IHS fees and should have done do if his pride is such that he isn't polite enough to personally ask for a loan.

Your mum must be desperately worried about you if she is willing to lend him the money despite his appalling behaviour.

Gosh what a mess, I agree with the others, he sounds like he WANTS to leave and then can blame your mum for not giving him the money and got him kicked out of the country. I bet you he’s one of those who lets thing happen to him with his own inaction and then put the blame on others.

You know what’s going to happen next right? He’ll blame it all on your mum, and then either tries to get you all to move to his country with him or just bugger off and never to be seen again.

His ‘pride’ means he is happy to leave his wife and young kids forever, or uprooting you all without any discussions. He’s not proud of you all as a family unit enough to simply 1) ask your mum for money and 2) pay it back. He’s putting his own ego over the life that you’ve built, stability for you and the kids, and a continued relationship with you as his beloved wife.

I am so angry on your behalf, I don’t know why you’re not angry and shouting at the man to just do the practical thing and asks.

What exactly is his problem with asking and agreeing terms of the payment? I don’t get it, go,
ask, say thank you, agree amount to pay - it’s very simple and not demeaning in any way.

does he have a problem with women OP? That’s the only thing I can think of where he’d feel uncomfortable

It's nonsensical to be ok with borrowing money, but to proud to verbalize it. if he was proud he would honor his word.