Don’t know what to do🫨🤯

About the response from OP about passports; I think this says more about her not having emotional support than anything else. OP I think you are really used to minimising problems and your feelings because your husband refuses to share and deal with his.

Pride cometh before a fall. His choice 🤷‍♀️
Ive lent my lovely sil money but there is always a formal agreement.

I don't. Given he won't talk to her, he never pays her back and given he is so rude he leaves the room when she comes around to visit, the bare minimum she deserves is for him to have to basic human decency to ask her himself. That is rock bottom bare minimum. But I think her mum has the measure of her 'D'H and is most likely hoping it won't be renewed, to save her daughter.

Has he previously asked you to move to his country? It does sound to me that he's manipulating the situation to force that on you. And from his behaviour (clearly no respect for women) I suspect it's a country where you would have few rights. You would also be cut off from the protection of your family.

You must hide your children's passports outside the house, and warn their school not to let him take them. Today. Tell them the situation, and that you're just being cautious. He might have planned it (if you can't find the DC's passports, call the police. But he could also have applied for passports for the DC from his own country without you knowing). Or he might just panic and do it impulsively. Don't feel that you are creating a drama: the risk is real, and if you don't act it will be too late. The school will have had similar before.

I fly with my DC without my DH all the time: border control ask a couple of questions if the kids are very young but nothing he couldn't prime them for. It's the Easter holidays, which means that a holiday with only one parent visiting grandparents won't raise red flags.

After he has been deported, you should never, ever take your children on holiday/to visit in his country. Even though that means he will have no relationship with them by the time he is able to re-enter the UK.

Otherwise you run a very real risk of losing your children or being trapped there - with no rights or protection - yourself.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation OP. You need to immediately swing into damage limitation mode, to protect yourself and your children.

@moveoveralice there's no need to be so judgemental. People deal with things and express themselves in different ways and OP has already flagged that she's more worried and less flippant than she sounds. Why waste your time with a reply that's more about making yourself feel big than helping someone else? Why not just go achieve something to actually be proud of for your ego boost?

Yes and yes.

This isn't a joke, OP - it happens. There is no-one so devious as a man with a plan..... Be careful that you're not caught out.

The situation is desperate through his own actions and no blame should be placed on the OPs Mum.

Clearly the idiot doesn’t care whether he stays or not. I guess though, with his track record of dishonesty, that he would probably just happily remain here on an expired visa, and then place the blame at your mums door when he’s found out, and deported.

Agree 100%. The immaturity is breathtaking and I would never take protecting my child so lightly. Though I highly doubt i would have given this hero the time of day - never mind marry him. Other posters keep telling her and she just keeps defending him.

I suggest giving him the space to figure it out - be open to the thought that it could go either way - the choice is his...

Would you want to constantly dish out your money to someone that won’t even speak to you?

No, I didn’t think so.

It sounds to me like the mother is sick of being disrespected and ignored, but is also expected to be on standby to hand out her money to a man that blatantly disrespects her.

You have extremely low standards if you operate like this in real life.

He sounds like a real winner.

What positives does he bring to your life?

Question OP: is his application even ready to go? It’s hardly a passport application; it involves proof of post, financials, lots of information. Someone who’s left it to the final moment to find the money doesn’t strike me as the type who has everything good to go paperwork-wise.

Your DH is taking advantage of you and your family and your mum wants him to look her in the eye while he does it. He’s clearly a complete coward.

Quite agree. Op sounds immature and lacking in understanding of the realities of her situation.

I am curious where this prince among men hails from. He sounds like an entitled, lazy prick who needs a kick up the backside, not bailing out again!

It is coming across like he doesn't actually care and would like to be deported, or that his MIL should happily pay for his responsibilities and be thankful to him for it. Misogyny lies at the heart of this, not pride. OP seems too daft to see it though.

Given the stress you are under, i think your mum is being unreasonable too. She could say no to the loan, fair enough, and asking for a written agreement, fair enough, but insisting he asks in person seems an act of manipulation. She knows he won't ask and she is playing a game. I agree with all the PPs about how ridiculous your DH is being but I think given the urgency and desperation of the situation, DM could stop trying to make her point too.

i find your DH’s attitude weird all round. He’s borrowed money off your mum and then failed to pay her back at the time agreed. He goes upstairs when your family come round and does not appear to make any effort with them. And now when your mum is kind enough to say she will provide the money that is needed, he doesn’t want to speak to her. Why does he hide upstairs when your family come round? These are the family of the woman he’s supposed to love and the extended family of his children. You say it’s pride but the expectation seems to be you will just sort things. I don’t think you should enable such behaviour from him. He needs to face up to things like a grown up and not hide behind you. It’s not fair of him to put you under this type of pressure and risk what you all have.

If he doesn't have the honour or courage to manage this financial situation then he has nothing to be proud of. His "pride" is misplaced.

What he is actually doing is being manipulative to try to engineer a situation where you are tying yourself in knots to ensure he has an easy life. Shame on him.

He doesn’t want to be with you OP. He says he’s done what he can but he hasn’t. He knows the score and that if his visa expires he’ll have to leave. Tomorrow. I would check your finances and wouldn’t be surprised if he already has a plane ticket booked.

It doesn’t matter how much of a decent man he is. Plenty of decent people still want out of their relationships, and unfortunately many will go to underhanded tactics to do it.

You need to stop having difficult conversations with him and start getting mad. Lay it on the line, say to him that given he’s not prepared to do this you assume he wants a divorce so you might as well get the ball rolling.

If he’s genuinely not seeing it this will be the wake up call he needs. But I suspect divorce is what he wants.

Why do you think it’s so funny that he could take the children with him? Are you not bothered if they go?

I am amazed your mother has agreed to lend this Wankbadger any more money. I wouldn’t.

So does this mean he loses his job? Will there be a cost to his deportation that might be dumped on you?

He either needs to.ask or book plane tickets

...it's just a tricky situation we've found ourselves in..

Hmmm..
He's borrowed money from your mum before. He's reneged on repayments. He's allowed himself to ignore legal requirements for staying in a country, now he doesn't have the wherewithal to ensure he can stay, and is too stubborn to accept help because your mother has very sensible put parameters in place to make sure her SiL doesn't rip her off again, but you think 'we've' caused this!!
Good grief.

Of course he has the authority he’s their father.

Yes. He is a grownup. If he chooses to be pigheaded and irresponsible then he needs to take thr consequences of that. Including getting deported if he isn't sufficiently capable of complying with the laws that would allow him to stay if he wasn't such a twat.