Don’t know what to do🫨🤯

Does he work?

Well OP, it looks like you're going to have the taxpayers foot the bill for removing the useless arse you chose to marry and have kids with. As if we didn't have enough to deal with. FFS.

Grow up, both of you, and take responsibility for your own poor choices.

Dear God wake up and take those rose tinted specs off. Stop making excuses for this grown man who has not prioritised his children at all let alone you.

Any decent man would've moved Helen and I Water to make sure he could stay here for his children yours won't even respectfully ask your mum to lend him even more money and expects you to do it for him.

Stop saying it's complicated and making excuses for him. He's just wasting the oxygen he's using.

The more you post about him, the worse he sounds.

Apologies if this is an obvious thing, but what happens when a person overstays? (Forgive me but I don't live in the UK) I presume they can no longer get employed or claim any benefits. Does it automatically send off some sort of alert to authorities and the person immediately gets deported or do they just stay unofficially and get away with it. Does your DH truly understand the system and consequences?

Do you know if he comes from a country that follows The Hague convention?

If you don’t, make it a priority to find out.

You sound slightly out of it op. I’d say visa expiry is a major problem. Either he sorts it or your life together here is over. Make damn sure you protect the kids.

Why are you with him? He sounds like a twat.

That’s exactly what you should do. What would you do without your mums help?

If he would rather be an overstayer then so be it.

Your mum shouldn’t have to bail you out. You’ve known it was coming.

I think all the crying emojis proves that.

He hasn't done his best .. he's done sweet FA.
He has not saved or worked for the money HE knew He would need.
He won't ask your DM
He isn't bothered or stressed about the fact he's going to be deported, leaving his wife to cope with their young children alone.
He is bothered that he won't see his children.

Honestly OP....I am raging ...grow a bloody backbone...tell him you've done your best and it's up to him to sort it out. Why are you solely responsible for sorting this out for him...he's an adult.

I think he believes you will all roll over and hand over the money because he's THE MAN...and he's the most important.

I really do not understand why you're not furious with him.

Jesus this thread is annoying.

He’s a selfish cunt OP. I too think you’re being supremely naive, unfortunately

Yes. He sounds like an idiot. So do you for involving your own mum, when he hasn’t paid her back earlier.

Sorry OP you’re bing the idiot in this, let him go/ be kicked out for not having a Visa, he’s orchestrated this

You haven’t randomly found yourself here by sheer chance. You’re here because of your dhs past and current behaviour, and he could change the current behaviour. I’d google can I get divorced if my husband is out of the country and send the answer to him, because if he got deported for being an idiot then it’s all over isn’t it?

I'm not sure that it is misplaced pride here, although that is the most charitable explanation.

I suspect that he doesn't want to have to pay the money back. And thinks that if he doesn't talk to your mum or sign anything then it isn't his responsibility. And that either you'll pay it back or she'll treat it as a gift eventually. But that if he shakes her hand and signs the agreement he'll be obliged to.

For £2.5k, can’t he get a bank loan, or put it on a credit card or something?

You and your mother have already provided him with a solution he is not willing to take. It's now his problem to sort out.

I wouldn't give it one more moment of thought. His actions have consequences for him, and yes, they will affect you (I also strongly suggest hiding your children's passports, as per previous posters), but that's HIS choice (which shows how much thought he gives to you and his children) and there's no reason for you to involve yourself in this further.

Sometimes life does us huge favours disguised as misfortune.

One day OP will wake up and see this freeloader for what he is - entitled, arrogant and ignorant - but she's obviously not there yet. If he's such a "proud" man, his pride would have insisted he paid his MIL back previously, but no, not that proud is he? His pride would make him draw up a repayment agreement and insist on keeping to it. His ego is driving his appalling behaviour, not pride.

Depressingly, he knows MIL's love for her daughter and grandchildren mean she will eventually crumble and hand over the 2.5k, and everyone knows he'll never pay it back. I so hope she stands her ground for all their sakes, and this bum gets deported.

OP how can you respect a man like this. How can you accept how rude (and blatantly misogynistic) he is? Does he even work? He said he's done "all he can" to resolve this - does this involve more effort than asking you to ask your mum? I think we all know the answer.

Your poor mum. She must be so worried about you OP. I have adult daughters and I'd be desperately sad and worried if either of them were involved with such a specimen.

Why not just go achieve something to actually be proud of for your ego boost?

Gosh what a task I have before me. Shall put it at the top of my to do list.

You need to ask your husband the answer to that, as he is the.only person who knows the answer.

Quite frankly I feel sorry for your mother and especially for your poor children caught up in the middle of all of this op.

Your mother is probably ripping her hair out.

You seem to be completely clueless as to what you have got into with this free loader, you have had children with a man that is so useless he can’t even save enough money to pay for his own visa much less support young children properly.

You haven’t even understood the gravity of your situation and the possibility of losing your children, nor understood the fact he is trying to financially abuse and disrespect your own family. You call it ‘tricky’ but this is an enormous problem you have got yourself into.

For gods sake, wake up and grow up.

You have young children you can not afford to be this naive and ignorant. Your dh is willfully causing you and your family great harm, he does not care about you or them. You are vulnerable to a really bad outcome, and it will be even worse for your children.

Put a stop to all of this before it is too late.

OP…you need to swap out the word ‘pride’ and replace it with ‘toxic male arrogance’. This is what it is. A proud person pays his debts and will always want to be seen in ‘his best light’. Your DH, on the other hand, is displaying toxic masculinity…this is not a desirable trait.