Don’t know what to do🫨🤯

Does he come from a country/culture where men are 'superior' and automatically expect respect and subservience from women?

DH has a history of not playing back loans as agreed. There needs to be a written agreement that both have signed. Your DH is being silly and arrogant.

Is he refusing to sign a formal agreement to pay back the money because he actually has no intention of paying the money back?

You don't need to be 'on his side' when he is so definitely in the wrong. It is really good of your mum to agree to lend him the money when he has failed to pay her back on previous occasions.

I don't understand his thought processes. Maybe if he had borrowed money previously and had paid it back on time, he would feel a bit miffed that she didn't trust him. But she is only doing this because he didn't pay back money previously so has proved himself to be unreliable and untrusworthy. If he won't sign an agreement, she won't lend the money and he won't be able to renew his visa. His choice.

Yes, I hear you.
Underneath your frustration with him, you are terrified of what the future holds.
That is okay.
It is okay to be terrified.

You will get through this.
Just take one day at a time. Each day, do what you can for that day. Do what is in front of you needing to be done, then go to bed knowing you have done your best.

You cannot change or control him, or your DM. They make their own choices. You only control your own choices and actions.

@Plummutum ...you sound really scared and. I can understand that, and I'd bet your DH has relied on your dependence on him making you run round trying to sort his life out for him.

You have your mum and sister and I wonder that if DH is out of picture they'll really rally to help you.

As a mother of young adult daughters I know I'd be standing back a bit while he was around as you sound completely in his thrall and I'm sure if anyone tried to tell you he wasn't this wonderful man you wouldn't believe them. Your mum has no doubt been biting her tongue and watching and worrying about you...

You won't be alone and you'll have time to discover who you are as a fully independent adult ..

It may make the most financial and practical sense to renew the visa.

But does it make sense in terms of emotion and relationships? Because it’s you and your mum taking responsibility for your DH’s apparent wilful incompetence in sorting it himself. And pandering to his pride and stubbornness.

If this is how his visa gets renewed to solve the immediate problem, it’d be helpful for you to consider whether his attitude to your extended family, and his responsibility as a husband and father, are acceptable to you.

He’s working and it’s 2.5K? Surely he can borrow that, or get a credit card? Or has he got a lot of other debt?

If you opt out of helping him today, your marriage is effectively over. Is that what you want? Only you know how much of this is overwhelm, vs him being a general arsehole. It's crunch time really for you as much as him. If you think the situation is irredeemable, start getting your ducks in a row so he can't take your DC or assets out of the country.

How old are you both?

If the situation is so complex and serious ask yourself why he isn’t worried and beside himself wanting to sort it by any means possible.

He’s been offered the solution on a plate by your mum and still hadn’t grabbed hold of it with both hands.

If this was me in this situation and I was at risk of losing my partner and children I’d do anything for the money.

This person is showing you their true colours and who they really are, believe them.

You might find it helpful to start thinking about your "Plan B"

Plan A is that he swallows his misogyny and asks you DM for the money, then gets his visa sorted.

Plan B is for when he gets deported and is not allowed back into this country.

What are your plans for driving lessons? Would your DM help with that cost?

Have you looked into claiming UC and housing benefit to pay the rent as a single person? The claim may be complicated by the fact that you will still be married to someone abroad, who is still legally liable to pay you maintenance.

Have you looked into how you would actually obtain a divorce from him when he is abroad? What if he doesn't give you an address where he is staying abroad?

Have you spoken to your employer about flexible working to allow you to do school runs? Or have you looked into before and/or after school childcare? Failing that, you would need to give up your current job, claim UC, and start looking for a flexible job.

No, it’s not you. That’s letting his Visa expire. It’s him. Get out of that frame of mind immediately.

No

He is just being very ordinarily rude.

He is no prince

With less than 48 hours to go it's too late to do that now, you'd need an appointment with a solicitor and everything and you're not going to get that in less than 48 hours, more likely next week.

I know it would hurt you, but you've both been feckless about this but with his attitude he wouldn't be getting a penny from me

No way, fuck that! OP says here husband doesn't even want to spend time with them and leaves the room when they come around.

Added to the fact he refuses to pay her back, and thinks he shouldn't have to ask. He's had far too many chances as it is! I think the OP's mum might see this as a chance to get rid of him, get him out of her daughter's life and save her daughter. That's what I'd do if I were OP's mum. In fact I would say no to a loan even if he asked and signed a legal contract witnessed by a judge! Because I'd want him out of my daughter's life.

Don't waste your time. He wouldn't sign it.

Fgs do not get a payday loan
That's a terrible terrible idea.
You'll be left in debt forever and I guarantee that will become your problem not his

Tell him the offer of a loan from your mum is no longer on the table and he needs to finance the visa himself or leave the country.

That’s the two option he’s left himself with now, so does he still have his pride? And what will he do now to resolve the issue?

He could have used that pride of his to go take an extra job or work overtime to pay for his visa but no, he decides to leave it for you to deal with and doesn't have the respect to speak to your mum directly about it.

You really need to pin him down. What are his intentions? Is he going to pay for this visa urgently, or he saying the marriage is over? If he really can't suck it up and play nice with your mum, can he get a bank loan or something instead? Even a payday loan or something if desperate - you can deal with those consequences and build bridges with your mum later. You can't if he's not around. All depends if you think he's worth it, is it a blip or he is done? How many visas has he got left?
I think I have more sympathy than many here. DH recently got ILR, so I understand the stress this process can put people under. It's far more intrusive and expensive than people think.

I don’t know all the history obviously, but I think if I were your mum I might consider giving him one last chance - as a compromise, lend him the money without him asking directly, but getting him to sign some kind of a repayment schedule.