Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

333 replies

ionlysaidone1 · 31/03/2025 19:50

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

OP posts:
orangegato · 31/03/2025 21:35

I’d rather burn alive than have stepchildren for this reason. Terrorised, uncomfortable and you can’t say shit.

Leave these filthy disrespectful tramps OP, both of them.

keswickgirl · 31/03/2025 21:34

keswickgirl · 31/03/2025 21:26

Dear me.

You are not unreasonable to be upset.

You are very unreasonable to call him a fucking tramp.

To be cross is one thing. To be openly contemptuous and hostile is quite another.

You say “He’s disgusting”. Not the piss on the floor, not the disregard for your home, HE is disgusting. And a tramp. You clearly dislike him deeply.

I wouldn’t allow my child to be spoken about like that in his own home, no matter what he had done. If I were your partner I’d be packing my bags.

Edited

Also, since it’s probably quite obvious you don’t like him, it’s also quite possible that he’s picked up on this and he doesn’t like you either? Maybe that’s why he keeps doing it? To wind you up. This is the sort of dysfunctional dynamic that can develop when relationships are really poor.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/03/2025 21:31

AmusedGoose · 31/03/2025 20:40

YABU. He's a child. It's wee not nuclear waste. He may have a problem such as a tight foreskin or bent penis, his parents are separated and his SM is unpleasant. This is something your DH should talk to him about. You sound like you dont like him one bit. I think you should leave and then you can have a nice clean toilet with the seat down all the time.

Somebody with a wonky knob who isn't a filthy bastard would sit down instead.

ShelleyCarpenter · 31/03/2025 21:31

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:13

This is teenage boys tbh

Your husband should be enforcing him cleaning it up

But you shout at him every time, and you called him a tramp - poor kid

It really isn’t teenage boys. Sorry your standards are so low.

Vinvertebrate · 31/03/2025 21:28

The solution is to allocate one toilet for the household males and their horrible splashy urinary equipment, and to banish them all to it. Works in our house. If anyone is particularly trampy, they sort it out between themselves.

keswickgirl · 31/03/2025 21:26

Dear me.

You are not unreasonable to be upset.

You are very unreasonable to call him a fucking tramp.

To be cross is one thing. To be openly contemptuous and hostile is quite another.

You say “He’s disgusting”. Not the piss on the floor, not the disregard for your home, HE is disgusting. And a tramp. You clearly dislike him deeply.

I wouldn’t allow my child to be spoken about like that in his own home, no matter what he had done. If I were your partner I’d be packing my bags.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 21:26

Elunajeya · 31/03/2025 21:23

The thing is, no one should need to be shouting at a stepkid. Their own parent should be sorting out any problems before they get to this stage. Thats the failing, not OP losing her shit after it happens over and over again.

Show quote history

Agree that the man should be dealing with this

I'd be having a go at dh as its not nice to live with that

Elunajeya · 31/03/2025 21:23

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 21:21

I don't call my kid names tbh, and the original post doesn't mention an under breath comment

But yes I have done - I'm not saying I wouldn't be pissed off! But would direct my annoyance to my husband/boyfriend, not step kid, and i wouldn't be shouting at a step kid either

Show quote history

The thing is, no one should need to be shouting at a stepkid. Their own parent should be sorting out any problems before they get to this stage. Thats the failing, not OP losing her shit after it happens over and over again.

MyKingdomForACat · 31/03/2025 21:22

I think a tramp would be glad of an indoor toilet

Jabberwok · 31/03/2025 21:22

AmandaHoldensLips · 31/03/2025 19:57

Fucking hell. This is apparently a thing that boys/men do in order to intimidate girls/women. (I was listening to a thing about it on R4.) I mean, WTF?

Standing over them and making them scrub it clean, and I mean properly clean, is the only thing I can think of but it's no wonder men's facilities stink of piss.

Gross.

I wouldn't want to live with that.

I am male. No it's not. With uncircumcised men the foreskin can alter the direction of flow...what is shit is the dirty little bastard clearly doesn't care and doesn't clean up.

I'd be making dh wipe up

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 21:21

m00rfarm · 31/03/2025 21:18

You NEVER say anything under your breath? Ever? Sorry - don't believe you 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Show quote history

I don't call my kid names tbh, and the original post doesn't mention an under breath comment

But yes I have done - I'm not saying I wouldn't be pissed off! But would direct my annoyance to my husband/boyfriend, not step kid, and i wouldn't be shouting at a step kid either

CrystalMighty · 31/03/2025 21:20

MrsKeats · 31/03/2025 20:38

Mind blowing isn’t it?

Show quote history

Aww I'd love to see your cutesy reaction to having your bog regularly pissed all over. Rounds of applause for managing to do a wee wee on the big boy toilet

FullOfLemons · 31/03/2025 21:19

No, this is not normal or acceptable behaviour for an able bodied 14 year old.

I think a basic expectation for a man is to able to teach his sons not to piss all over the toilet.

Tell your DH he is failing as a man.

Elunajeya · 31/03/2025 21:18

Hwi · 31/03/2025 21:17

Sorry, I don't understand. OP is the new wife. Dss's mother is the old wife. Same as with Diana - her parents divorced. I don't understand.

Show quote history

All this does is remind us how unhinged she was

m00rfarm · 31/03/2025 21:18

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 21:16

She did call him names, she called him a tramp

Just because he didn't hear her, doesn't mean she didn't say it

I'd be very upset that my son wasn't being parented by his dad but also at this woman speaking about a teenage boy like this

Show quote history

You NEVER say anything under your breath? Ever? Sorry - don't believe you 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Hwi · 31/03/2025 21:17

IttyBittyLittleKitty · 31/03/2025 21:10

That's a bit of a leap of embellishing the story to fit your narrative. You're accusing the OP of being the OW and saying therefore that the 14 year old is entitled to piss wherever he wants and the OP must subserviently clean it up without a whisper? 😬

Show quote history

Sorry, I don't understand. OP is the new wife. Dss's mother is the old wife. Same as with Diana - her parents divorced. I don't understand.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 21:16

m00rfarm · 31/03/2025 21:09

She did not call him names. The kid did not hear. The husband overheard. She did not shout it to anyone. It was a comment she made knowing the son was out of earshot, but not knowing her husband was close by. So the son cannot be upset because he did not hear anything. Personally, I would have made sure he had heard. Because it is disgusting, unnecessary and vile.

Show quote history

She did call him names, she called him a tramp

Just because he didn't hear her, doesn't mean she didn't say it

I'd be very upset that my son wasn't being parented by his dad but also at this woman speaking about a teenage boy like this

Itiswhysofew · 31/03/2025 21:15

Well, he's not taking any notice of you, so it's hardly surprising you lost your cool. He must be doing it on purpose. He can't be that careless. Not cleaning up after himself is hugely disrespectful. His father really needs to address this.

What other disgusting things does he do?

Moglet4 · 31/03/2025 21:13

Why don’t men understand that it’s bloody disgusting?! You’ve done nothing wrong, OP. Tramp is mild.

CrystalMighty · 31/03/2025 21:11

Viviennemary · 31/03/2025 20:16

Your language is a disgrace. That needs to be cleaned up for a start.

Christ.

Red0 · 31/03/2025 21:10

But your SS is behaving disgustingly in doing this. I’d be annoyed if I were your DH to hear you calling my child this. However as your DH I also wouldn’t be accepting SS pissing everywhere. SS should be made to clean it up every time without exception.

IttyBittyLittleKitty · 31/03/2025 21:10

Hwi · 31/03/2025 20:55

It sounds disgusting and I see your point of view. However had my dad left my mum for a new wife, I would have behaved exactly like Diana, Princess of Wales to her sm, i.e. drop sm's jewellery down the toilet, not just pee in between the cistern and the seat. Jealousy makes one do all sorts of things.

That's a bit of a leap of embellishing the story to fit your narrative. You're accusing the OP of being the OW and saying therefore that the 14 year old is entitled to piss wherever he wants and the OP must subserviently clean it up without a whisper? 😬

Yellowhammer09 · 31/03/2025 21:10

I would have omitted the word "fucking" but absolutely would call him a tramp, because he is.

Make DH clear it up, every single time. March him to the toilet and shove cleaning products in his face.

m00rfarm · 31/03/2025 21:09

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:59

This is a teenager who being a disgusting teenager

The op should be pissed off at her man, not shouting and calling a kid names

But yes, her man does need to stop this behaviour

You seemed riled but I'm glad you're not

Show quote history

She did not call him names. The kid did not hear. The husband overheard. She did not shout it to anyone. It was a comment she made knowing the son was out of earshot, but not knowing her husband was close by. So the son cannot be upset because he did not hear anything. Personally, I would have made sure he had heard. Because it is disgusting, unnecessary and vile.

Fancycheese · 31/03/2025 21:09

BumbleBeegu · 31/03/2025 21:07

No they wouldn’t! It’s honestly disgusting that men and boys piss everywhere and just leave it stinking!

I teach primary school, and the smell and mess in the boys toilets is honestly disgusting!! They have NO manners at all! Genuinely horrified that parents minimise this as ‘it’s just boys’ 🤬

Fuck that!! Sit down to piss if you are such a bad aim! There are no ‘rules’ that state men have to stand!

Show quote history

It’s the same with men’s toilets in pubs. Maybe if they’re been held accountable from a young age they wouldn’t be so vile.