I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

To be fair I think shouting and swearing is not ideal, this is why there needs to be rational consequences enforced calmly. This is a discipline issue.

He deserves contempt.

An accident when he is ill, once, might be understandable. Especially if his father hopped to it and cleaned it.

The fact is that this man and this boy think it's perfectly fine to leave a filthy bathroom for OP to use. Repeatedly, despite her calling attention to it, despite her asking for improvement. That is indeed contemptible. He's 14, not 4.

But we are not talking about Women versus “Males”. We’re talking about a child.

Urgh. There are weird people on Mumsnet tonight.

The piss on the toilet is disgusting and at 14 totally unacceptable.

However my disgust at that is actually just slightly less than my disgust at use of the term "tramp" which is very offensive in itself and the yelling at a 14 year old that they're a "fcking tramp" which I would class as emotionally abusive. The first time someone spoke to my son that way would be the last time. But then again I also wouldn't let my son pee on rather than in the toilet without cleaning it either.

Noone comes out of this looking well in my eyes - your dh should have sorted this out the first time it was an issue. Your ss should be able to either pee in the toilet or at the very least clean it. And you could have handled it very differently in a way that doesn't use offensive terms and swearing at a child.

So YAallBU.

This absolutely. There is no reason why a 14 year old boy cannot clean up after himself. He has arms and legs and a brain!

Women sick to death of being treated by males as unpaid skivvies and despairing that their perfectly rational expectations are being disgustingly ignored

Would you allow your children to leave toilets in a disgusting state?

’ That would make me leave ‘
Get a grip ! 🙄

I’m wondering if he does this at home and how his mother deals with it?
Op I don’t blame you. If it’s that’s quick to clean up and no big deal then the son should be doing it himself before leaving the toilet. Or I’m sure his df won’t mind cleaning his piss up.
As for calling him a fucking tramp he’ll be hearing a lot worse than that when he’s at school and out with his mates. He’s not five.

I think you're right in being angry/frustrated - and you apologised for the name calling which is admittance that it probably wasn't the best approach. What does DH suggest as a means to solve?

Well your DH needs to sort things with his son. I completely get that it’s all a bit disgusting but you don’t call kids names. Your DH needs to step up and parent.

Men pissing on things is them asserting dominance.

He's doing it on purpose to control you.

He knows it winds you up.

He's not attempting to dominate his father - he's dominating you.

Do you have a second loo? One for the ones who don't think piss everywhere is an issue, one for you?

And tell us you don't clean it up for him?

The most I'd do is present the cleaning things to his father, inform him his son has marked his territory again and tell him to get it cleared up.

And then the tile gets saturated with piss and who gets to deal with that eventually?

He can use a bucket in the garden. Seriously. I'd be getting a lock for the oustide of the bathroom door and wearing the key on a string around my neck. Let them figure out a solution for themselves.

There is no way I would be that disrespected in my own home.

There's got to be more to this than the toilet problem. What other things are you finding tough in this situation?

Husband really needs to sort this one out.

If this is the only problem you have with him, it feels really cruel. I'm thinking you have much more of an issue beyond the loo.

But he is disgusting. He's making a mess and not bothering to clean up after himself. I would dislike someone who was as dirty and disrespectful as that and certainly wouldn't want them in my home.

Exactly.

Mn is a bit odd tonight, there's another thread with 14 and 11 year old boys not able to eat properly in the OPs house and the excuses range from "they are only young" 🙄 to "poor boys having to spend time in a place that isn't their home" 🤣🤣

No wonder some men grow up with such a huge sense of entitlement.

Piss everywhere? Let the woman clear it up, and WOE BETIDE her if she DARES to verbalise her anger!!
Eat like a 3 year old with mess everywhere? Let the woman clear it up, and HOW DARE SHE negatively comment on the precious angels behaviour

I can only hope that MN is having an influx of men commenting, because if these excuses/replies are really written by women, I despair even more

I'd be putting it on social media and tagging him each and every time. "Oliver missed the toilet again. Shame that a 14-year-old can't properly use the loo."

Maybe that would cure him.

There needs to be consequences when the child refused to clean up after themselves. Grounding? Withdrawing wifi? If he is going to act like an animal and keep fouling the place he needs to be made to do it in the garden like an animal.

I wouldn't have time for this. Much younger children who have actual accidents are still expected to clean it up and rightfully so.

Two DS here. One age nearly 17 the other age 5.

DS17 is significantly better since I told him he's nearly a grown adult, stop being a scruffy little shit. Wee goes in the toilet not around it. I also bought some toilet wipes, floor wipes and spray and then regularly checked after use. If it was a mess, he cleaned it.

DS5 has the odd accident but is quite good at directing his wee into the toilet so far. He tells me after use if it needs a wipe round.

They are told if you can't wee standing without the mess then sit down to wee.

My word would have been a lot stronger than "tramp."

If he can't properly use the toilet, he can wear adult diapers, or his father can take him to a Premier Inn. No one who urinates on the floor is welcome in my home.

Read OP's opening post - she is not "openly contemptuous and hostile" towards her SS, even when he pisses all around her loo - she shouts for him to come and clean up after himself and she has to do this REPEATEDLY because he keeps carelessly pissing REPEATEDLY. This evening she called him a "fucking tramp" when he wasn't even in the room and didn't hear it, but her DH did and then minimised his son's vile, disgusting behaviour because he doesn't have to clean it up.
@ionlysaidone1 Congratulations on your restraint OP. I would be telling DH that if he can't parent his DS appropriately to ensure this never happens again, then you will be hiring a Portaloo for the garden where SS can do his business henceforth (and I wouldn't be joking either!)

And interrupt whatever he is doing at the time until he does it.

What a horrible way to talk about a child.

My standards are not low 🙄

I don't have boys but have heard the horror stories from other parents about their gross teenage boys 🤢