I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

OP was speaking "about" his child, not "to" his child

But he is behaving like a tramp!

And doing it deliberately is even worse.

I don’t understand why some posters find the term so outrageous when it’s a perfect description of what is happening.

He didn’t even hear it anyway.

Stop being ridiculous. The OP literally says he had pissed between the cistern and the pipes. That is not carelessness. Go and have a look at your toilet. In order to piss in that location you would need to be specifically aiming for that spot. He is disgusting and should be called out on his chauvinistic, misogynistic behaviour.

My son has ADHD he does this all the time. It pisses me off he has been told over and over he kows it's wrong and disgusting he just doesn't give a shit and is rushing around. His ADHD is not an excuse to piss everywhere. I make him come back and clean it up everytime. He will then go a week without doing it until the we repeat.

We know nothing about the stepson’s intention though do we. OP hasn’t returned to give more info. Stepson might have a problem. Posters on here are jumping to conclusions that he’s doing it on purpose but we don’t know that he is, much less the reasoning behind it.
Even if the most likely answer if that he’s lazy and careless, that is not an exclusively male trait.

I think shouting is horrible behavior.

Nothing wrong with asking a teenager to do something. They aren't born with an inbuilt training.

If they continually ignore - not sure what else you can do other than showing what to do, having whatever products are needed, watch him do it, putting a sign up and keep reminding.

You need to do it calmly though as otherwise you getting angry becomes the prompt that he relies on.

I'd be half tempted to get a star chart- every time it's done there's a star - that would be so unpopular he might just adult up.

My son does this. Pisses me off and his sisters all go mental too. He will flat out deny it when we all know it is him!! I would call him a tramp too! I make him clean it himself. Why the hell should any of us do it. It's sheer laziness as he is in too much of a rush to get back to doing fuck all. Make his dad do it every time he will soon get pissed off and realise how bloody disgusting and frustrating it is.

Tramp isn't a bad word. But shouting and swearing not ideal. But it's easy for me to sit on my high horse and judge, I have never been a stepmum. Let's cut the OP a little slack.

The issue is saying “what a fucking tramp”. He may not have heard but that was pure luck.

His father should be taking the lead on this, getting him to clean up and making sure he is doing it all right (not all boys are taught how to wee properly). If there’s anything deliberate about it I’d consider involving a psychologist.

If you dont want your children to be called tramps, make sure they don't act like one.

It’s not the same thing at all actually. The intent behind the action is the important thing. If the boy was getting some pee on the seat of the loo because he was being careless then that’s one thing (and would be on a par with your example of the girl not rinsing the sink after washing her mooncup).

What is happening here is the OP’s stepson is wilfully pissing around and behind the toilet as well as on the floor. THAT is the abusive behaviour. Not the OP calling him a fucking tramp.

Frankly, in OP's place I'd be calling DSS far worse than that and probably ejecting him from the house too. That amount of mess sounds deliberate rather than accidental and I simply wouldn't be able to tolerate it.

My husband goes ballistic at our sons if they leave the toilet in a mess. I don't have to say anything to them, the men deal with the toilet mess they create. I will clean them properly with bleach etc once a week but they are cleanish when I do that.
Your DH needs to teach his son how to live with other people.

But you’re OK with the pissing all over the toilet yeah? Cool.

Are you serious? A 14 year old teenager is purposefully pissing around a toilet and the OP is the problem? Get a grip.

I would have called him much worse OP-he sounds disturbed to be honest. Is he getting some sort of kick out of having his stepmother clean up his piss?

She didn’t scream. She didn’t even say it to him. Where did you get the screaming from?

Enforcing consequences isn't abuse. I agree that the Effing wasn't needed.

I do find there's a strong streak of misandry running through mumsnet, to be fair. That said, no step parent would be any less cross about a step daughter leaving period blood on the loo, either. And yes I absolutely would be making sure they clean it up else they lose privileges whether it be access to the bathroom or wifi. I would try not to swear or use abusive language, but it does sound as if @ionlysaidone1 is at the end of her tether! It sounds exhausting for her and I wonder at her partner for allowing her to be so disrespected in her home.

Read my post again:

“I do not condone peeing on and around the toilet.”

I am not defending the behaviour.

I am objecting to the hateful responses to it.

Imagine a 14 year old girl whose personal hygiene is disgusting. perhaps she is washing her mooncup in the sink and not fully cleaning the sink afterwards. That’s pretty gross, right? Would you feel comfortable with posters referring to that as “filthy female behaviour”? No. It’s filthy, yes. But making it all about her female-ness is something else and would make it mysoginistic.

And the responses in the same vein on here about boys are misandric. Highly unpleasent.

You can have zero tolerance for piss everywhere without being abusive about it.

Honestly that is mild. My can of whoop ass would be so big you would have to bring by wide load.

Any kid of 14 not clearing up after pissing over the seat is a fucking tramp. My boys included. If my 4 year old can aim correctly, a bloody 14 year old can!!

I've seen this dynamic before and I just can't get my head round it. Granted, I've never been a stepmum, but I grew up in an era where adults were allowed to call out a child's bad behaviour.

It is fucking filthy male behaviour in this instance, not sure why you're defending it?

My 16yo SS does it, constantly making me clean it up because otherwise I end up weeing myself waiting for him to come and do it or I end up sitting on his wee during the night half asleep. Problem is by condoning this behaviour with ‘he’s only a child’ that child grows into an adult who does it and makes his wife clean up his piss. Rank.