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Original poster

I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

333 replies

ionlysaidone1 · 31/03/2025 19:50

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 31/03/2025 23:58

That is mad disrespectful. This is what people do to people they hate.

If your husband allows his son to disrespect your home so badly, he ain't shit. The first time his son pissed all over, he should have handed him the cleaner and made him clean it up.

I would not stick around for that nonsense.

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 23:58

ServantoftheBones · 31/03/2025 23:52

Not where I’m from. It doesn’t mean he’s literally shagged the bathroom rectally.

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I actually spat out my wine reading this !!

😁😂😂😂

singlewhitetrashheap · 31/03/2025 23:57

I think you did right tbh. You've nothing to be sorry for.

GreenLeaf25 · 31/03/2025 23:56

My exDH is an absolute idiot but even he was firm with our son around leaving the toilet in the state it was found. If there was even one drop, he was taught to clean up straight away. OP, you have a DH problem I’m afraid.

ServantoftheBones · 31/03/2025 23:53

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 23:49

Isn't bugger a homophobic slur?

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How would bugger off sit with you?

ServantoftheBones · 31/03/2025 23:52

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 23:49

Isn't bugger a homophobic slur?

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Not where I’m from. It doesn’t mean he’s literally shagged the bathroom rectally.

PhilomenaPunk · 31/03/2025 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I honestly do wonder sometimes if it’s just me but the cultural differences in the way children are raised are so vast when I read Mumsnet posts. I’m from the Middle East and all I can say is that absolutely nobody would be trying to reason with this boy in my culture. He’d have one opportunity to sort himself out and then that would be it.

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 23:49

ServantoftheBones · 31/03/2025 23:47

You could have said “you dirty bugger!” And called him in to clean it. I wouldn’t think swearing like that would help.

Isn't bugger a homophobic slur?

ServantoftheBones · 31/03/2025 23:47

You could have said “you dirty bugger!” And called him in to clean it. I wouldn’t think swearing like that would help.

RoveSt · 31/03/2025 23:46

AmusedGoose · 31/03/2025 20:40

YABU. He's a child. It's wee not nuclear waste. He may have a problem such as a tight foreskin or bent penis, his parents are separated and his SM is unpleasant. This is something your DH should talk to him about. You sound like you dont like him one bit. I think you should leave and then you can have a nice clean toilet with the seat down all the time.

And if this is the case he could just clean it before he leaves the bathroom as he's been asked to do, repeatedly.

His behaviour is so disrespectful.

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/03/2025 23:44

Soontobesingles · 31/03/2025 23:38

I’m usually team stepmother - but OP he is 14, being gross and inconsiderate of others is part of healthy teenage development. I agree with PP’s that this is DH’s issue. When it happens point it out to DH and ask him to clear it up. I’d also explain clearly how angry and resentful this makes you.

However, your husband is fully justified to side with his son over the name calling. Your SS is a child, and does not need to be insulted by his caregivers. Recognise your resentment is with your DH who isn’t dealing with this and not with the child who is just doing what teenage boys do. It really isn’t a unique or personally targeted thing. He is teenage boy.

Edited

He's only doing what teenage boys do when they are allowed to get away with it.

Plenty of teenage boys clean up after themselves and don't make that much mess in the first place.

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 23:42

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Exactly, no child was ever harmed from being made to clean up after themselves!

deusexmacintosh · 31/03/2025 23:40

This reply has been deleted

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Stripeyanddotty · 31/03/2025 23:40

My teenaged son never pissed all over a toilet and expected someone else to clean up.

Soontobesingles · 31/03/2025 23:38

I’m usually team stepmother - but OP he is 14, being gross and inconsiderate of others is part of healthy teenage development. I agree with PP’s that this is DH’s issue. When it happens point it out to DH and ask him to clear it up. I’d also explain clearly how angry and resentful this makes you.

However, your husband is fully justified to side with his son over the name calling. Your SS is a child, and does not need to be insulted by his caregivers. Recognise your resentment is with your DH who isn’t dealing with this and not with the child who is just doing what teenage boys do. It really isn’t a unique or personally targeted thing. He is teenage boy.

desperatedaysareover · 31/03/2025 23:20

So DH is more bothered by you losing your rag at utter filth than he is bothered that someone who’s presumably been toilet trained for a decade is pissing everywhere and leaving it for you to deal with. Just clean my boy’s piss, woman!

One of the two fellas in our house used to do it, DH didn’t clean it, son didn’t clean it. Both said they didn’t notice. Which was strange because they both lifted the seat several times daily - and the only reason I lift the seat is to clean. Like a lot of posters I was raised in a house with men and it NEVER happened.

It started to stink, and I had to do the whole shaving foam on the tiles routine more than once. So what I eventually said to those who peed standing up - and apparently blindfolded - was that the next time I’d say nothing, just use their toothbrushes to scrub the floor, and put them back.

Funnily enough it stopped!

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 23:17

Lavender14 · 31/03/2025 23:09

Just for anyone who is confused "tramp" is highly fucking offensive and outdated, it's either a slur against people who've found themselves homeless or women who have had sexual partners. So yes it absolutely is a horrible and nasty term that has no place in society. I'm genuinely shocked that so many people on here seem to think it's fine to say.

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I thought tramps meant prostitutes or those who chose to live outside not in a house (vagabonds). I had no idea it was a term of disrespect. Just goes to show one learns something new every day.

RogueFemale · 31/03/2025 23:17

GenX oldster here baffled at the offence taken by the word 'tramp'. To me, it just means homeless person or slutty girl. What is so insulting to say it about a revolting teen boy?

qandatime · 31/03/2025 23:15

What does the son say when you make him clean it, have you asked him why does it because if it’s every time it’s definitely not accidental.

Tbrh · 31/03/2025 23:12

Stripeyanddotty · 31/03/2025 23:10

9 pages in and still only one post from the op …

Hmmm

Tbrh · 31/03/2025 23:12

RobinHeartella · 31/03/2025 19:54

Dh needs to clean it, if he won't make his son clean it.

Is there more than one loo in your house? Can you designate one loo for female use only?

This. Stop enabling it

Stripeyanddotty · 31/03/2025 23:10

9 pages in and still only one post from the op …

Lavender14 · 31/03/2025 23:09

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 22:43

Tramp isn't a bad word. But shouting and swearing not ideal. But it's easy for me to sit on my high horse and judge, I have never been a stepmum. Let's cut the OP a little slack.

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Just for anyone who is confused "tramp" is highly fucking offensive and outdated, it's either a slur against people who've found themselves homeless or women who have had sexual partners. So yes it absolutely is a horrible and nasty term that has no place in society. I'm genuinely shocked that so many people on here seem to think it's fine to say.

beenwhereyouare · 31/03/2025 23:08

nocoolnamesleft · 31/03/2025 19:57

You shouldn't have called him a fucking tramp. That's insulting. To tramps. Agree your DH needs to either parent or clean.

Spit my Coke out when I read that! 😂😂😂

Dramatic · 31/03/2025 23:07

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 31/03/2025 21:54

I’d never call anyone that. Have some self control and learn how to give feedback so that people actually listen to you.

You think she hasn't done that? Repeatedly?