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AIBU?

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Original poster

I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

333 replies

ionlysaidone1 · 31/03/2025 19:50

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

OP posts:
Santina · 02/04/2025 10:22

Frustrating as it is, does the child need circumcision, my son used to do this when he was younger, after the procedure it stopped. If not, then Crack on with keep telling your husband to clean it up.

Tessabelle74 · 02/04/2025 09:06

Ilovelurchers · 31/03/2025 19:57

What do you want your husband to think, if you speak to his child like that?

But if you seriously think you are fully justified, crack on.

She muttered it to herself, she clearly say the DSS didn't hear it, do read the thread dear

Missj25 · 02/04/2025 08:01

Sofiewoo · 01/04/2025 20:50

Sure you would!

Show quote history

Yeah, like WTAF !!!!!
Who would do that

Pippyls67 · 02/04/2025 00:05

You don’t just take on a man you take on his kids too. Teenage boys are inclined on occasion to be beyond putrid. So much easier when they are your own flesh and blood ( or piss even 🤢). It’s a perfect example of buyer beware sadly. Let this be a warning for the rest of us.

Amybelle88 · 02/04/2025 00:01

He’s acting like a fucking tramp, so tell your husband to raise him better.

beautifuldaytosavelives · 01/04/2025 22:45

My eternal question on threads like these…how does one ‘make’ another adult do something? Or even a 14 year old child? Clearly they are both vile and OP is NBU (might have been to shout it in his face!) but please do explain how she can ‘make’ her DH clean it?

sgtmajormum · 01/04/2025 22:34

Totally right to call your SS back to clean up his mess. Your DH needs to also reinforce this

I've 2 Teen boys myself and had to do this multiple times (including losing my cool after the billion times of telling them calmly ) until they finally got the message that living like pigs is not happening in my house

ZestyJoey · 01/04/2025 22:03

I would think about leaving him to be honest. Maybe when you're gone DH will think about teaching his boy some life lessons and if he doesn't then whatever, surely you can find a better man.

Glasgowgal200 · 01/04/2025 21:54

Whose house is it? If its yours you'll need to say to partner & stepson - my house my rules even if it means partner has to see child outside of the house

Soontobesingles · 01/04/2025 21:27

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 01/04/2025 13:25

If SS is doing something in her house that is rude or disrespectful then OP has as much right to discipline him as her DH. What is she supposed to do, stand by and let the dirty little sod carry on as he is?

Show quote history

I’m a stepmother. If my stepchild is really naughty of course I provide discipline, but it’s a fine balance as I am not the parent.

Crudd99 · 01/04/2025 21:08

ionlysaidone1 · 31/03/2025 19:50

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

Do you get on with the ss?is he deliberately doing it to wind you up or cause friction between you and your husband?

Sofiewoo · 01/04/2025 20:50

TheWildZebra · 01/04/2025 20:40

I’d probably make a point of it by pissing in a cup and pouring it on him when he’s sitting down and ask how he likes it. I’ve got no patience for this, slippery slope to thinking women mop up after men.

Sure you would!

TheWildZebra · 01/04/2025 20:40

I’d probably make a point of it by pissing in a cup and pouring it on him when he’s sitting down and ask how he likes it. I’ve got no patience for this, slippery slope to thinking women mop up after men.

BluntTiger · 01/04/2025 20:26

We have a BIL who used to visit but no longer thank God, he always sprayed it all over and never cleaned up after himself.

Teasloth · 01/04/2025 20:21

Not normal from males and not acceptable.
However, I had a partner who's daughters did this and wet all over the seat every time they went.
I used the method of getting him in there every single time to clean it.
He still would deny it even when my own kids weren't even home and claim it wasn't them 🤦

That is why he is no longer a partner. I would literally get called a liar for anything I had a problem with them doing (drawing on my furniture, taking my kids sweets aswell as their own, leaving soiled clothes under a bed, putting paper into a toaster... I could go on)

I hate to say it but as a step parent you rarely get respected and listened to by the other parent. It's usually a massive list of excuses

Oh... And I have also called my own kids fing tramps when they have behaved like them so 🤷

MillieMinx · 01/04/2025 20:19

I’d take a piss in one of his shoes every time he does it. Failing that, make his dad clean it every single time

laraitopbanana · 01/04/2025 19:45

Nosaucelikemintsauce · 31/03/2025 19:51

Surely you make dh clean it up? He will know it wasn't him but his precious ds... He can clean it up every time if he won't parent his scruffy buggar dc...

That.

he doesn’t care coz he doesn’t do nothing about it. First time he has to do it, he will call his dearly boy some nice other names I am sure…

RecklessGoddess · 01/04/2025 19:40

The amount of people saying "I wouldn't let anyone speak to my kids like that", clearly you didn't read it properly. She said he didn't hear it, because she wasn't talking directly to him and had to actually call him to come and clean it up. If my son was doing that, I would not mind if someone spoke to him that way, if he'd been repeatedly told to clean up after himself. They need to learn what's acceptable and what's not!!

DoYaKnowTheFiveLamps · 01/04/2025 19:24

Tramp is an odd word to use but YANBU

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/04/2025 19:21

Laura95167 · 01/04/2025 19:17

I think swearing at a child isn't cool.

But I would tell SS to start sitting down and saying to DH either he speak to SS or takes responsibility for cleaning it if its not that bad

OP didn't swear at him. She said it about him before calling him to clean it up.

FatherFrosty · 01/04/2025 19:19

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:13

This is teenage boys tbh

Your husband should be enforcing him cleaning it up

But you shout at him every time, and you called him a tramp - poor kid

No
no it’s not

Soberinthecity · 01/04/2025 19:19

DH cleans it up if he can't teach his son how to pee properly.

toxic44 · 01/04/2025 19:18

It's an intimidation technique and a cowardly one. The lad's girlfriends are in for a fun time unless he learns better behaviour.

Laura95167 · 01/04/2025 19:17

I think swearing at a child isn't cool.

But I would tell SS to start sitting down and saying to DH either he speak to SS or takes responsibility for cleaning it if its not that bad

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 01/04/2025 18:55

Tekknonan · 01/04/2025 18:52

I have to say that I'd be thinking hard about staying with someone who called my child a 'fucking tramp.' For me, it would probably be a deal breaker.

That sounds as though it would be a result for OP, no more putting up with her scummy SS and his equally scummy father.