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Original poster

I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

333 replies

ionlysaidone1 · 31/03/2025 19:50

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

OP posts:
Red0 · 31/03/2025 21:09

Pretty sure TRAMP is not an acceptable word to use in this day and age.

BBT213 · 31/03/2025 21:08

samarrange · 31/03/2025 20:55

Teenage boys (a) get a lot of erections and (b) masturbate a lot. Urinating with a partial erection, or after ejaculation with a bit of semen still in the urinary tract, can both result in a spray rather than a stream. Sitting down to pee is a good idea at such moments. Maybe DH - who will have experience of this - could have a word with DSS. (And if he is studying German at school you can maybe teach him the wonderful word "Sitzpinkler".)

Does (a) and (b) mean they also lose use of their hands to clean up, and their eyesight to SEE where they have sprayed wee everywhere??

FFS Why do people make excuses for males? Would you do an (a) and (b) for girls continuously leaving menstrual blood on a loo seat for their step-father to clean up? No, you wouldnt, and nor should you.

BumbleBeegu · 31/03/2025 21:07

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 19:58

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits!

Well you have, absolutely no way I would have someone speaking to my kids like that. Everyone would be screaming abuse if it was him saying it to your kids.

No they wouldn’t! It’s honestly disgusting that men and boys piss everywhere and just leave it stinking!

I teach primary school, and the smell and mess in the boys toilets is honestly disgusting!! They have NO manners at all! Genuinely horrified that parents minimise this as ‘it’s just boys’ 🤬

Fuck that!! Sit down to piss if you are such a bad aim! There are no ‘rules’ that state men have to stand!

DuskyPink1984 · 31/03/2025 21:07

Barrenfieldoffucks · 31/03/2025 21:00

Agreed. Horrible.

Show quote history

Agree.

Also, you sound incredibly immature and incapable of handling this in an adult manner.

arcticpandas · 31/03/2025 21:07

@ionlysaidone1 Stop telling your dss to clean up and start yelling at your dp to take care of it. Maybe then he'll tell his son to either aim or clean up because he's the one who has to deal with the mess.

Fancycheese · 31/03/2025 21:07

Superanova · 31/03/2025 20:39

Some people really will find any excuse to defend men and boys.

Absolutely. He is a fucking tramp and old
enough to know better.

Plantmother71 · 31/03/2025 21:06

It’s not normal teenage boy behaviour at all. YANBU. If your DH won’t sort this out I’d vote for a calm sit down with ss and DH and ask ss if he had any medical issues as it’s just not acceptable.

Make a big thing of it and see if he changes. Then laminate a sign addressed to him advising he needs to sit down for a wee. Leave it stuck up until it improves.

Saying this is normal teenage behaviour is like saying a 14yo girl would have a period and leave it smeared all over with a used tampon floating in the bowl.

He’s 14 and just doesn’t give a shit, but he needs to start treating the home with respect.

m00rfarm · 31/03/2025 21:06

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 19:58

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits!

Well you have, absolutely no way I would have someone speaking to my kids like that. Everyone would be screaming abuse if it was him saying it to your kids.

If you read the post properly, you will see that the son did NOT hear her say he was a fucking tramp. Her husband overheard. She did not yell it at the son. And anyway, the son is absolutely disgusting. I would have called him worse.

Papercup · 31/03/2025 21:06

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:13

This is teenage boys tbh

Your husband should be enforcing him cleaning it up

But you shout at him every time, and you called him a tramp - poor kid

What? This is not teenage boys. I have a teenage boy who has friends round every day and I have never walked into any of my bathrooms and found piss everywhere.

If I did, I would certainly shout at anyone who did it. They are literally stood there looking at their urine as they go. It is not an accident. It’s disgusting and highly disrespectful.

LumpyandBumps · 31/03/2025 21:06

It definitely isn’t all teenage boys. My son is now in his 20’s and remains disorganised and untidy, but he has never left wee on or around the toilet seat. Thinking back neither did any of his friends when they used to congregate here at evenings and weekends.
It is disrespectful and there is NO excuse for not wiping up any misses.
If his father had been even the slightest bit proactive things wouldn’t have deteriorated this far.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 31/03/2025 21:05

samarrange · 31/03/2025 20:55

Teenage boys (a) get a lot of erections and (b) masturbate a lot. Urinating with a partial erection, or after ejaculation with a bit of semen still in the urinary tract, can both result in a spray rather than a stream. Sitting down to pee is a good idea at such moments. Maybe DH - who will have experience of this - could have a word with DSS. (And if he is studying German at school you can maybe teach him the wonderful word "Sitzpinkler".)

So? There's nothing stopping the lazy sod from cleaning up after himself.

Elunajeya · 31/03/2025 21:04

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 21:02

Well if you think “fucking tramp” is a mild thing to say to a 14 year old I’m glad I have nothing to do with your family.

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And if you think a 14 year old repeatedly pissing all over the seat and leaving it for everyone else to clean up is ok, then I’m glad I’m not part of yours.

It’s disgusting and that is what most people think of people like that. It doesn’t matter if his mummy and daddy split up.

IttyBittyLittleKitty · 31/03/2025 21:04

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 20:05

Did I say that?
Children will do all sorts of things don’t agree with or don’t like, from not listening, being messy, staying out past a curfew, the answer is not to scream that they are a “fucking tramp. It’s utterly mental that people think that’s an acceptable way for an adult to speak to a 14 year old. It’s abusive.

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Where did you get that she screamed at him?
Personally I think it's abusive of a 14 year old to piss all over the toilet seat and floor when he knows someone else will be using it and he has been asked repeatedly to clear it up. A 14 year old who knowingly repeatedly pisses on the toilet seat and floor thinks he is better than the woman he expects to clean it up which is horribly disrespectful and needs stopping now.

I also think it's abusive of his father to gaslight the OP, minimise it and expect the OP to clear up his son's piss. He is teaching his son that his behaviour is fine and the woman should put up and shut up because "it's not that bad". He should be immediately apologising, cleaning it up and having a very stern word with his own child. Which would mean that the OP would not have to deal with it or get cross at all. How much abuse should the OP put up with from these two males before she's allowed to snap?

I'm willing to bet that this isn't the only disrespectful behaviour from the stepson that the dad minimises.

TheSilentSister · 31/03/2025 21:03

I think if my own DC did that and I'd come to the end of my tether then I'd probably say the same to be fair. Your DP is over reacting about the comment to offset his lazy parenting. There are some 'teenagery' things you can ignore but when your desperate for a wee and have to clean up first, it's dire.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 31/03/2025 21:03

Smartiepants79 · 31/03/2025 21:01

Yet again astonished at the low bar so many set for their children.
He is not a ‘poor boy’.
He is not being abused.
He is not a small child.
This should not be ‘just teenage boys’
For gods sake.
Expecting a urine free toilet in your own home is not a huge or unreasonable ask!

It’s not a big ask, but swearing and name calling about the teen is too much. She should either handle it like an adult or take her anger out on her DH and his shit parenting.

arcticpandas · 31/03/2025 21:03

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:13

This is teenage boys tbh

Your husband should be enforcing him cleaning it up

But you shout at him every time, and you called him a tramp - poor kid

I grew up with brothers and have two sons 15 and 12. The only one who repeatedly does this is the 15 year old who's autistic. Never seen any other teen do it. The 12 year old don't and if he did he would clean up after himself. If dss doesn't have a disability he just doesn't give a fuck. But what's even worse is that his father doesn't care either so ofcourse he's going to keep on doing it. It's vile.

IAmNeverThePerson · 31/03/2025 21:02

15 and 17 sons here. No mess here. When they younger (below 10) they were informed that they either learnt to aim or the compost heap was that way.

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 21:02

Elunajeya · 31/03/2025 20:57

I think tramp is quite mild. I would have said selfish, uncouth disgusting pig.

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Well if you think “fucking tramp” is a mild thing to say to a 14 year old I’m glad I have nothing to do with your family.

Smartiepants79 · 31/03/2025 21:01

Yet again astonished at the low bar so many set for their children.
He is not a ‘poor boy’.
He is not being abused.
He is not a small child.
This should not be ‘just teenage boys’
For gods sake.
Expecting a urine free toilet in your own home is not a huge or unreasonable ask!

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 21:00

Flamingoknees · 31/03/2025 20:55

I've got a 14yo, no pissy toilets or floors here, and he uses the loo brush after a poo too. He is by no means perfect in other ways, but he understands that leaving a wet/dirty toilet is disrespectful to other users.

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I've heard horror stories about teenage boys - they're gross

Either way, namecalling at a kid who isn't mine is a big no

Barrenfieldoffucks · 31/03/2025 21:00

Viviennemary · 31/03/2025 20:16

Your language is a disgrace. That needs to be cleaned up for a start.

Agreed. Horrible.

DecafDodger · 31/03/2025 20:59

However had my dad left my mum for a new wife

I didn't see any mention about who left whom and for what reason? And even if he did, pissing all over the place to punish the stepmum is still disgusting.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:59

TheFairyCaravan · 31/03/2025 20:53

I don’t need to calm down because I’m not riled.

The OP has every right to shout at someone who is pee’ing all over her toilet and not clearing up after himself. And the person in question is 14 not 5. If he doesn’t want to be called a tramp, then he needs to stop acting like one.

Edited
Show quote history

This is a teenager who being a disgusting teenager

The op should be pissed off at her man, not shouting and calling a kid names

But yes, her man does need to stop this behaviour

You seemed riled but I'm glad you're not

Elunajeya · 31/03/2025 20:57

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 20:55

I have low standards because I wouldn’t agree with my kids being called abusive names?

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I think tramp is quite mild. I would have said selfish, uncouth disgusting pig.

TimeForATerf · 31/03/2025 20:56

AmusedGoose · 31/03/2025 20:40

YABU. He's a child. It's wee not nuclear waste. He may have a problem such as a tight foreskin or bent penis, his parents are separated and his SM is unpleasant. This is something your DH should talk to him about. You sound like you dont like him one bit. I think you should leave and then you can have a nice clean toilet with the seat down all the time.

JFC, he’s 14. I would like to think if he had a bent penis he could at least hold it straight and his parents would have taken him to see a medic. At worst, even with a medical condition a sit down wee would stop this.

I have a DH, I have a son who has indeed dribbled on the floor in the past and got his arse handed to him, not acceptable.

This is a lazy arsed teenager who doesn’t care about pissing on the floor because he doesn’t have to clean his own piss up.