Boyfriend’s living together ‘conditions’

Better you know. Is he willing to sort these things if he moves in or will you be running after him?

I have very high standards in my house. You’d all say omg do not live with her but my house is my pride and joy.

I think it’s perfectly okay for you both to want to live in different ways and to be up front about how you want to live. You both need to decide if you can compromise or not.

Can you trial living together without making financial ties?

Ltb x

It's nothing to do with not putting them away immediately.

It's about leaving them overnight.

I'd hate to get up for work in the mornings and see a full draining board that hasn't been cleared and wiped down, when it was my DH's turn to wash up the night before.

I'd just find it a tad depressing to wake up to.

Run, my lovely. Don’t look back.

He doesn’t sound very mature or confident in himself. A fully adult person would be helping you fix stuff and standing at the sink joining in doing the washing up. A not fully launched person stands on the sidelines critiquing and does not understand the concept of teamwork.
Not a keeper.

No way should you live with him.

If you move in with someone that you deeply love and who deeply loves you, these little niggles and compromises get discussed and resolved amicably, usually with the person who has the niggle taking on the extra workload their niggling is generating. That isn't what's happening here. He's giving you a list of your flaws and expecting you to work on them until you are good enough for him. That's not good partnership material. Bin him.

He’ll make you feel like you can’t relax in your own home. It won’t be fun.

@GlorificusT has he got his own place? Or is he one of these ‘do as I say not as I do’ types that thinks they know it all? It is actually good that he is thinking about whether you are compatible with each other but it does work both ways. You have as much right to see if he fits the bill, too!

I was just about to reply to your first post to say these are red flags, but you’ve just added another one!

From experience OP, please please do not move in with this man. Save yourself the not insignificant hassle of having to untangle it all and the indignity of the many arguments he will instigate. Just do not bother. Tell him to go and find someone who dries dishes in a timeframe he finds appropriate,

🚩🚩🚩Run... Starts with this & escalates. So his ex didn't lift a finger... Or didn't lift jump when he said so??? You only have one side of the story. I'd not be taking it any further if these very minor things irritate him... Imagine.. god forbid you actually left the dishes in the sink overnight unwashed.. because you have had to prioritise what is feasible. Nope..

Well, compromise is going to be needed when you move in, but, he sounds like a stickler for little things... I think it depends how you feel about it.

Do you feel like he's nitpicking (in which case, probably not a good idea to move in) or do you feel like he's right, and you'd consider making those changes an improvement you'd aspire to? (might be OK, as he'll encourage you to improve)

I can say outright, it wouldn't work for me (looks at various things that are way low on my 'to be fixed' list - sometimes for years) - but my sister's very happy with a guy who's a stickler, and she feels like he brings the motivation to keep things tidy that she lacks (she doesn't mind doing it, but can't persuade herself to do it, if you see what I mean)

Also you couldn't afford it as you needed a washing machine. If it wasn't causing problems what's the issue.

I don't see anything wrong, surely it's best you both be honest with each other about things that you don't like.
I wouldn't be moving in with him though, you don't sound compatible.

Control freak and probably the thin end of the wedge.

If you move in, he’ll find plenty of other things you do that are not up to his standards and he’ll gradually wear you down with his ‘my way or the highway’ behaviour

He sounds hard work. He noticed the switch for months but didn’t offer to fix it for u if it bothered him so much ? He wants dishes dried right away but hasn’t taken it upon himself to do it ? Fuck living with him full time moaning n keeping lists of things he doesn’t like about u ? No doubt someone will be along giving it oh maybe he’s on the spectrum…. Maybe he’s just an arse.
reading this I sound slightly unhinged please excuse the PMT it gives me a very low tolerance of men

Ok then if that is what he thinks he should stop seeing her entirely. Why imply that this is a standard she should meet to win his approval? He already thinks his dish wiping standards are of more pleasure to him than her company. Surely he should release her back into the wild so she can meet the right person for her.

I'm surprised at the replies so far as I think he's being very sensible!

There will be plenty of things about him too that you'd rather he didn't do/did less OP, so tell him about it now.

These discussions are definitely best before contracts are signed and deposits are paid.

I think he’s probably being sensible if he feels how you run your home isn’t compatible with how he runs his and therefore either a sensible conversation happens and you both make compromises or you choose not to bother moving in together. Either that he expects you to keep up with his higher standards for your home together, moving in is a big step and messy to undo so it’s probably a very good thing to think about the things that would potentially annoy each other.

You don't sound compatible to be honest.

If he is already nitpicking about things like this and you don't even live together, I think you would both drive each other insane before too long.

And expressing it in the way that he has, i.e. that you need to meet certain conditions before he will be willing to live with you, suggests that it will be his way or the high way and that he will expect you to match his level, rather than meeting halfway.

If he wants some things doing a certain way, then they can be his jobs. I don’t dry and put away pans immediately after washing them. If my husband wanted that doing then he’s welcome to do it himself.