Boyfriend’s living together ‘conditions’

What's his current living conditions. Is he staying multiple times a week at yours or not anyways. Onward and upwards get shut

It's not the fact that he prefers things to be done a certain way it's the fact that he wants YOU to do things HIS way there doesn't sound like much compromise or flexibility

In my experience men who say their ex never lifted a finger are saying that as an excuse to not have to lift a finger if they ever need too it becomes an issue "I knew you would be like her etc" friend of mine got to talking to his exes after they split up he told ALL of them the same lazy ex story so they did all the housework to prove they were different...it clearly worked

Wow, do not move in together....

It’d be different if he’s just being lazily critical and expects her to do all the domestics but that’s not the case from what she’s said.

He doesn't know that yet. This is your interview.

Except he hasn’t. He’s rattled off a list of gripes.

Yes, that’s the reaction you would expect/want if he’s to be a keeper

'My love trumps all' 🙄

Wow, what a response to someone wanting a sensible discussion about the practicalities of living together.

Really not very mature OP.

I’m surprised at the replies. The problem with most guys complained about on here are that they’re too keen to move and they never lift a finger. This guy has some domestic standards that he cares about and doesn’t want to move in if it’s incompatible with how OP lives. Seems sensible to me.

This is exactly what I came on here to say. It's the start of coercive controlling behaviour. Been there with someone just like it.
Don't do it. It's shit and miserable.

How old are you? Is he just a bit immature? I would tell him that’s just over the top and out of order
if he’s older then he’s never going to change and that’s just the tip of the iceberg .
My ex husband used to be like that a little bit and make little put downs which didn’t bother me in my twenties, but when we had been together for so long it started to make me feel shitty.

If that’s his reaction, I’d rethink living with him. He’s not excited or happy about this at all. Don’t give up your freedom if moving in with hi means everything being done his way. You’ll be back on here in 3 months regretting it.

Seems like he hasn’t thought about all the things you might have “noticed” about him!

He's asked for a sensible mature conversation before deciding to move in.

So hopefully he won't need to think about them because the OP will raise them in the discussion?

Depending on how it's worded i don't think there's anything wrong with addressing issues.
He doesn't like dishes left out. You're not bothered. So he'd end up doing it all the time. Then you'd end up arguing.
If a woman came in here saying her DP never does the dishes and it was always left to her then the replies would be quite different. He'd be called lazy.
You're just not compatible. There's nothing wrong with that

I don't think you'd find any couples who've moved in together who haven't encountered this kind of minor difference in household management. Normally you learn to live with it, or agree compromises. Your boyfriend's expectations seem unrealistic and it's a red flag that it's his way or nothing.

Ha! We can all keep lists of things that annoy us. Seems like he hasn’t thought about all the things you might have “noticed” about him! Is he normally this crass? Is this clumsy communication or arrogance?

I’ve been married a long time. The key is remembering that you are lucky to have someone who puts up with your idiosyncrasies - something he seems to have forgotten!

Yep!

I wish more couples would talk these things through before taking the step of moving in together.

Some people tend to give more thought to what takeaway to have for dinner.

If I was considering moving in with someone I'd consider them kind of things. Maybe not so extreme as leaving the pots drying over night but things such as pots left in the bedroom and towels on the floor. If it really is just drying pots over night and not having the funds to fix something he could be controlling. If you are actually doing more than that I think he's right to consider how things will work living together. Spending your time cleaning up after someone else and not being able to have a nice clean space to relax in isn't nice.

A discussion like that seems sensible before moving in together. If you then see that you're incompatible, you haven't already merged lives.

This is mumsnet

he’s unreasonable, picky, an arse, and you should not move in

however if you’d highlighted those things about him he’d be messy, lazy, an arse, and you should not move in

You would be absolutely crazy if you chose to move in with him knowing all of this.

You'll find out as soon as you introduce some of your rules.