Boyfriend’s living together ‘conditions’

Genies have to come out of bottles op. And the longer they are cooped up the crosser they are when they finally emerge.

I like a nice clean and tidy kitchen every night. It makes me happy and relaxed. Luckily, DH is the same.

So dishes. My mum insisted on drying them straight away but they never get dry do they?
It is actually far better to leave them on the dish drainer to dry properly than using a tea towel.
He sounds like hard bloody work.

Do what you think is best and don't rush into something you’l
later regret. I do hope it works out for you.

Drop kick this nutty control freak out the window!

Then don't live with him, why is it so hard to get?

Did you not know we all audition? Is it a surprise for you that everyone with an ounce of sense thinks - is he good enough to be my children's father? Is she good enough to be my future children's mum? When choosing a spouse, people sometimes look further than that - they look at the parents, their state of mental and other health, etc. Stupid as I was, even I realised that - and there were no dishes dripping overnight, no unfixed things. Sure enough, as soon as we got married, I stopped faking an interest in racing and he confessed he did not like Lieder, but we tried to be on our best behaviour when courting, thus demonstrating the seriousness of intent. And we try even now, not to trigger each other with things that we unacceptable in our respective families before we married, too boring to name.

Those who say "He can offer to fix the light fitting", would you say the same if the solution was reversed? Would you offer your male partner some help to iron their shirts because you've noticed they're creased? I know I wouldn't.

I'm with him. Nothing wrong with your standards. but he obviously doesn't have the same. You're just not compatible.

Enjoy a relationship without ever living together, I've never lived with a bf, couldn't bear the thought of a man in my personal space all the bloody time.

He’s ND.

That doesn’t make the rules any easier for op, but it does change how she needs to respond to them. It’s a bit more unfair to just say he’s being unreasonable.

My favourite response so far. This hormonal legend has nailed it.

See that big flag ? It is red and in fact it is RED

Don't OP, just don't move in with him. He's already criticising how you live In Your Own Place! You will be unhappy, he will up the demands and you will never be up to his standards at all. Tell him to bugger off to Stepford and find yourself a human being.

OH no, I just couldn't. Can't put clothes worn close to the skin back in the wardrobe as they need to air and not contaminate the other clothes. It would also be extremely wasteful to be washing them directly because he can't cope with them being on a chair. It would have to be live and let live.

Noooooo, don't move in with him. I moved in with someone like this and, insidiously, it gradually began to set the tone for the whole of our relationship. He didn't point things out a lot, or act unreasonable when he 'noticed' I'd done something 'my way' instead of his, but the fact that I always felt like he was quietly appraising things I did and didn't do was very unnerving, and I ended up feeling like I was always potentially falling short of expectation and had his little voice in my head whenever I did something he would have done differently. If I mentioned it, he was all: "I only mentioned X once 3 weeks ago, I don't think that was over the top? Can't I have standards too?" It killed the relationship. Urgh.

Did his ex never lift a finger or does he have ridiculously high standards that you might never be able to meet and you've only heard his interpretation of things?

Living together is a big deal. Might be hard for the first few months as you both get used to each others quirks and ‘faults’
I would suggest trying it out with him still having a home to return to incase it doesn’t work as you don't want to be stuck with this man and having him stay out of pity and guilt of throwing him out.

But…IMO I think you need to think hard before following through with this if a broken switch and drip dry dishes is the top of his concerns list. You should thrash it all out before taking the plunge. Relationships are about give and take on both sides. He needs to understand that an make it quite clear that’s the last time he compares you to his ex.

My SIL lived with a broken toilet for nearly 3 years before she pulled her finger out and got it fixed. I wonder what your bf would make of that. 😆

He sounds nuts

Ok you said he's autistic, so he's likely looking at this in a very clinical way rather than a romantic one and that's just how his brain works. If that doesn't work for you then I would end it now because he can't change who he fundamentally is.
However, you could discuss it with him and explain that you aren't looking at it as a list of pros and cons, but if he wants to discuss these things you can work out together how you would approach them. This is the kind of conversation you'll need to have often if you stay with him.
For example, he might agree that he will always dry the dishes because he doesn't like them left. You might agree on how to approach work needing doing and how to prioritise it against finances.
It sounds like he needs his environment to be a particular way, which is common for autistic people, and is worried that the way you live (which there's nothing wrong with) is going to cause him discomfort. That's a huge part of being autistic.
Maybe you could learn more about being autistic so you can understand him better?

The thing is though, who decides what is “unreasonable”?

Especially if he is ND. My nephew is ND and he has to be able to see all of his breakfast foods on display, all the time, or he won’t be able to eat them in the morning. If that was your partner then that would make his demand that the Weetabix, Coco Pops, Frosties, Bread & Crepes were all on the bench all the time. You might see that as unreasonable, but he won’t see it that way- it’s essential for his day to day life.

The same with the light switch, my nephew cannot stand to see something broken. He would not be able to sleep at night if his light switch was broke, or if he knew one in his house was broken. He fixates on things and everything has to be perfect so he would really resonate with your partner and he could not live with someone who could happily leave something broken for months. So his rule could be that all broken things are fixed immediately- you’re going to say that’s unreasonably but again, to him, that is actually an essential rule for his own wellbeing.

throw this one back