Boyfriend’s living together ‘conditions’

I’m a bit on the fence. My DH was similar in that he tends to get things fixed straight away and likes to leave the kitchen clean and tidies away at night. I’m a right messy pup naturally and frankly he was fairly horrified at my house. We’ve both learnt to compromise over the 20 years we’ve been together, helped by being able to afford cleaners. If you don’t want to compromise (both of you) then it isn’t going to work. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to talk about these things. Also talk about finances, expectations on going out/staying in, family etc.

bonus point, I’ve found my DH is right, it’s nice to come down in the morning to everything put away in the kitchen. I still drive him mad at times with my natural messiness.

and yes it might be a controlling red flag on his side…

Not the point but what's the issue with things drip drying?

So now you know what kind of person he is. That would be it, for me.

Living together involves some give and take. If he’d said with a laugh that you’ll not have to mind him drying the dishes every night as he likes them done, that would be one thing. But he’s basically said that you’re not up to his standards.

Don't. He's putting pre-conditions on how you live already?

Consider this fair warning about what it would be like living with him.

I presume he’s stayed with you overnight many times. Why hasn’t he dried the dishes?

Suspect OP’s boyfriend might not approve … another point to consider before moving in with someone. Full blast music tastes !

It’s also a great one to get you up and off the sofa if you need a boost!!

Contracts and deposits for what?

Possibly she didn't get a chance to do anything because he got there first or had to do it again to 'his' standard! Perhaps he is a control freak with u realistically high standards. Or perhaps he expects a woman to do the house stuff to the same level his mum did.

Either way you're well out of that one. Leaving dishes to drip dry is the most energy efficient thing to do. Why waste time and manky tea towels drying them up?

Sometimes it’s the small things that reveal the biggest problems.

If he’s ND, these are going to be things he’s going to really struggle with to “fix”. Having lived with someone ND (and being so myself), it drove me mad. I’m sure I drove my ex mad too with my “odd” ways.

In all relationships you’ll have something your partner does that annoys you but if you care about each other you deal with it or ignore it. I can get why he’s annoyed a light fixture wasn’t done (and I can see why you haven’t yet done it) but the dishes thing… I think he’s being a tad picky there!

Hmm...not for me, not a fan of G&R but I would say the Kiss version of God Gave Rock and Roll does that to me!

If it bothers him so much he can fix the light switch and dry the dishes.

Maybe a little preview to what life with him would be like?

@PyongyangKipperbang same is true of Paradise city

Dump him

I discovered that if you try to play at a low volume it just doesnt work, cant hear anything. Its silence or the full 11 with that track!

@Proudofmynane and a great track it is too - best played loudly

Well I wasnt but thanks for the earworm!!

Might have to dig out my vinyl, I'm sure I have it on 7" !

Anyone else hearing Iron Maiden belting out Run to the Hills?? Its a Heavy metal band......

Clean tea towel - hardly onerous.

Will he expect you to cook clean and contribute 50/50 whilst he just works and comes home too?
Will he even pull his weight?
I’d take his ridiculousness as multiple red flags and definitely not live with him

Yes, but it's the quality of those thoughts that's at issue here, not his honesty. 😁

Even if you do have a dishwasher there's always something to hand wash (the crystal glasses / something I'll need again before the dishwasher is run / a particularly dirty roasting dish). Personally I think drying dishes is unhygienic, unless you get out a clean towel every time.

If a man posted this about his female partner telling him her living together conditions and saying he felt nitpicked and controlled, we'd get 100 posts about the mental load and 50 posters linking that She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink article.

It's fine to be tidy and to need things done a certain way, we all have those things in our lives.
When you live with someone you need to have compatibility. The rhythms of your day, the rhythms of your emotions, how you treat friends and family, how you deal with problems all need to be in sync in some way. Otherwise it is a chore, and people get into 'well he wants me to do this', 'she doesn't understand' and we all start to feel like the other person is unreasonable.
Personally I am a leave the dishes till the morning, leave them to drain sort. On its own it isn't a dealbreaker, I would just do the washing up after dinner, but obviously at some point there would be enough little things like that which would add up to basically having different domestic rhythms. And that's just a pain to live with - both with him and with myself.
It sounds like he's got a few more things he finds would need to fit his rhythm. I am sure if you go deeper into how emotions are expressed, you'd find the same. That's the sort of thing you have to really be honest with yourselves about before living together.
(And I say this as someone who realised much later than I should have done, that I need a more emotional presence in my life. DH's and my emotional rhythms are completely different. Happily we love each other and give each other leeway but there have been times when it's been really hard.)

Tell him it's more hygienic to leave the dishes to dry naturally, not dry them with a potentially germy cloth!