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I snapped at work… how bad is it?

217 replies

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 15:23

Im in a mid management role, no direct reports but do work with people more junior, their job is to support me and my peer in the delivery of key business tasks.

I’m relatively new in the role (6 months) there are some obscure processes and policies I’m still finding out about. My performance in role has been met with praise from exco, so I’m doing well)

there is one jnr who frankly is incredibly difficult to the extent I dread working together because it’s a battle. A simple task is met with a huge amount of pushback and moaning and reasons why not to do something. Things mysteriously not getting saved etc etc. General rudeness. It has been escalated.

this is a persistent issue with everyone but I do feel it’s worse with me.

today, very simple bau task, the same nonsense very aggressive with it too. Then basically tattles to my peer on zoom, who then sides with me and invites me to the call. The junior guy then turns around and flips it on me, saying it’s not his responsibility and how the direction wasn’t clear. To which i pointed out it’s fine to ask a question if the ask isn’t clear but xyz needs to be done. He mumbles some shit sarcy shit about it not being clear, my peer says the email I sent was pretty clear and he’s been in role long enough to know what was meant. He mutters something under his breath. I snapped. I said, you can always ask for clarification and I don’t think the underhanded comments are needed, and it’s making me quite cross, so to that end I’m leaving this call. I think I was calm in my tone of voice, but I was shaking on the inside.

was I hideously unprofessional

my logic was, I’m not getting drawn into an argument of he said she said and playing the blame game, especially when I was feeling quite tense. They really landed me in it big time last week through not doing some key tasks. I had to work well into the night to sort it .

am I going to get a telling off?

OP posts:
meganorks · 31/03/2025 16:51

Really disappointed with how not bad this is 🤣

You've done nothing wrong. Junior member is an arse.

mnreader · 31/03/2025 16:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:49

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:49

What do you mean by that?

Company can’t manage very poor and disruptive employees despite everyone being aware and many impacted by it

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:49

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:48

Good luck Op is all I’ll say!

What do you mean by that?

OP posts:
Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:49

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:45

We have the same manager and I spoke to them last week, they were less than pleased at the behaviour and I’ll be mentioning it tomorrow.

line manager though is as cool as a cucumber and never gets thrown, so they will likely think I was a bit shit.

But why?
you have the email as evidence
and everyone knows how shit he is…. Even the boss!

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:48

Good luck Op is all I’ll say!

ScaryM0nster · 31/03/2025 16:47

You’re fine.

Sometimes there are only two options.

Continue and risk someone saying something they regret. Or walk away.

Among other things, you stopped the junior digging themselves into a further holes.

(and if you’re struggling to get that perspective yourself, do you generally trust the judgement of your peer? If so, keep that in mind when you consider this, they were there and have said is fine).

On what next, you, your peer and your boss need a joined up conversation and plan for how the juniors behaviour and performance issues are handled so it’s consistent and they don’t play you.

lifeonmars100 · 31/03/2025 16:47

Sounds as if you calmly and clearly stated the facts. One of the things I love about being retired is the freedom from stuff like this, it is so draining and gets in the way of doing your work. I used to work with a guy who was so slow, so daft and had to be told things many many times and there were times I felt like throttling him. There is so much more to work than doing the actual job! .

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:46

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:42

I would not worry about what you said
and presumably you have passed your probation?

I would worry about such a feeble company in addressing very evidently poor performers and disrupters

Yeah passed with flying colours so that’s all good

OP posts:
Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:45

Ilovemyshed · 31/03/2025 16:44

Sounds perfectly reasonable. Why are you not speaking with their manager to talk about their attitude?

We have the same manager and I spoke to them last week, they were less than pleased at the behaviour and I’ll be mentioning it tomorrow.

line manager though is as cool as a cucumber and never gets thrown, so they will likely think I was a bit shit.

OP posts:
Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:44

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:40

But you say he’s like this with everyone else

It’s a persistent problem but I do think it’s more amplified with me because I’ve not been here as long

OP posts:
Ilovemyshed · 31/03/2025 16:44

Sounds perfectly reasonable. Why are you not speaking with their manager to talk about their attitude?

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:43

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:40

how long have they been in the new role?

under a year but their role prior was largely related to this one but more admin level if that makes sense, so they are more familiar with processes and procedures and know this task like the back of their hand

OP posts:
Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:42

I would not worry about what you said
and presumably you have passed your probation?

I would worry about such a feeble company in addressing very evidently poor performers and disrupters

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:41

tillytoodles1 · 31/03/2025 16:39

Did you fart too?

How did you know? 👀

OP posts:
Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:40

But you say he’s like this with everyone else

WearyAuldWumman · 31/03/2025 16:40

You did well. Stop panicking. You're fine.

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:40

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:36

They were in a more entry level role for several years and have just moved up to this one… they are capable and can do things, it’s not a capability thing, it’s a I don’t want to thing, I don’t know if it was an issue before

how long have they been in the new role?

Ddakji · 31/03/2025 16:39

Sounds like you handled an unprofessional knob very well indeed! But I get that it’s rattling to walk out - but it’s the right thing to have done.

Fancycheese · 31/03/2025 16:39

I don’t think you should have been invited to this call in the first place. It feels like an ambush to me! Why was your peer putting themselves in the middle? Do they enjoy drama? They should have escalated it appropriately and not dropped you into a difficult and hostile situation.

tillytoodles1 · 31/03/2025 16:39

Did you fart too?

AgingLikeGazpacho · 31/03/2025 16:37

I wouldn't judge you for this OP. Struggling to see how they could report you in a way that would actually threaten your job.

Cheeseplease23 · 31/03/2025 16:36

I think you did the best thing, always leave if you feel like this, it's better than saying something you'll regret. Good luck! I hope you're able to get sorted. You got this!!

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:36

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:26

Well in that case, the company’s effort to manage this disruptive poor performer over the last “good few years” have been…. Pathetic

They were in a more entry level role for several years and have just moved up to this one… they are capable and can do things, it’s not a capability thing, it’s a I don’t want to thing, I don’t know if it was an issue before

OP posts:
rosemarble · 31/03/2025 16:33

I said, you can always ask for clarification and I don’t think the underhanded comments are needed

Good for you! I have a lot more respect for a manager who manages rather than the floppy fish who skirt around an issue.