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I snapped at work… how bad is it?

217 replies

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 15:23

Im in a mid management role, no direct reports but do work with people more junior, their job is to support me and my peer in the delivery of key business tasks.

I’m relatively new in the role (6 months) there are some obscure processes and policies I’m still finding out about. My performance in role has been met with praise from exco, so I’m doing well)

there is one jnr who frankly is incredibly difficult to the extent I dread working together because it’s a battle. A simple task is met with a huge amount of pushback and moaning and reasons why not to do something. Things mysteriously not getting saved etc etc. General rudeness. It has been escalated.

this is a persistent issue with everyone but I do feel it’s worse with me.

today, very simple bau task, the same nonsense very aggressive with it too. Then basically tattles to my peer on zoom, who then sides with me and invites me to the call. The junior guy then turns around and flips it on me, saying it’s not his responsibility and how the direction wasn’t clear. To which i pointed out it’s fine to ask a question if the ask isn’t clear but xyz needs to be done. He mumbles some shit sarcy shit about it not being clear, my peer says the email I sent was pretty clear and he’s been in role long enough to know what was meant. He mutters something under his breath. I snapped. I said, you can always ask for clarification and I don’t think the underhanded comments are needed, and it’s making me quite cross, so to that end I’m leaving this call. I think I was calm in my tone of voice, but I was shaking on the inside.

was I hideously unprofessional

my logic was, I’m not getting drawn into an argument of he said she said and playing the blame game, especially when I was feeling quite tense. They really landed me in it big time last week through not doing some key tasks. I had to work well into the night to sort it .

am I going to get a telling off?

OP posts:
AngelicKaty · 31/03/2025 20:42

Riaanna · 31/03/2025 20:29

Not at all but in my experience people don’t tend to ask if they took it too far unless deep down inside they know they did.

Yes, I read your comments but that doesn’t alter that I wasn’t there. So I don’t know what actually happened, tone, words exchanged, timing of ending the call, the professionalism of hanging up on a junior team member etc. The only fact I do know is that you had an encounter that was negative that led to you posting here. That suggests to me deep down you know you weren’t professional.

I thought you said you read OP's posts? She didn't "hang up" on the junior member of staff - she announced she was leaving the call and why, leaving her peer group member to continue the call that they arranged with the junior.

Calamitousness · 31/03/2025 20:35

No. You’re fine. I don’t think the softly and gently pointing out how you can support him way is better. I think you absolutely need to be blunt. Not raise your voice but not try and be friendly and pleasant with response. Be firm and hard with your needs. Copy his line manager in to all requests and ask if he is unable to understand or complete task to then ensure he replies to all so his manager can support him.
Time to put the people pleasing woman away and kick ass. Genuinely. He’s messing with you deliberately.

Riaanna · 31/03/2025 20:29

AngelicKaty · 31/03/2025 19:53

She's trying to pile on OP - ignore her. She probably hasn't bothered reading your posts either. Unfortunately, there are people like this on MN.

I’m really not.

Riaanna · 31/03/2025 20:29

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 19:50

Does it? Did you read my posts?

curious if you’re trying to pile on and upset me or it’s actually really bad?

Not at all but in my experience people don’t tend to ask if they took it too far unless deep down inside they know they did.

Yes, I read your comments but that doesn’t alter that I wasn’t there. So I don’t know what actually happened, tone, words exchanged, timing of ending the call, the professionalism of hanging up on a junior team member etc. The only fact I do know is that you had an encounter that was negative that led to you posting here. That suggests to me deep down you know you weren’t professional.

StartEngine · 31/03/2025 20:28

There’s another way of looking at this, you sensibly removed yourself from the situation once you had said what needed to be said. You did that rather than staying and letting the bad behaviour (his) continue. I would document it, though, in fact, I would start documenting any of the issues you’re having with him.

StartEngine · 31/03/2025 20:26

AngelicKaty · 31/03/2025 19:53

She's trying to pile on OP - ignore her. She probably hasn't bothered reading your posts either. Unfortunately, there are people like this on MN.

Agree. Many!

StartEngine · 31/03/2025 20:26

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:10

I feel like he sort of did it on purpose tbh

did what on purpose? Making out he did not understand your instructions? Bit of an odd tactic considering your peer also saw your instruction email

No, he’s trying to undermine her.

thankyounextplease · 31/03/2025 20:02

It wouldn't even register with me as a snap to be honest, I saw much yelling and crying and screaming in the workplace.

There will only be repercussions if they already didn't like you. This kind of thing is always about politics.

wfhwfh · 31/03/2025 20:01

I think you dealt with this well.

As others have said, it’s best to remove yourself once you start to feel riled. This wasn’t a one-off and I think the junior’s behaviour justified you stating that you didn’t appreciate the under-the-breath comments. He was acting unprofessionally and being insubordinate when you asked him to do a task that I assume is part of his job description - you are allowed to pull him up on this.

If people tiptoe around unprofessional colleagues, they are rewarded for bad behaviour. Yes, you must do so in a professional way but nothing you have stated in your posts suggest you did otherwise.

I absolutely would not apologise to him because I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.

I wouldn’t put in a complaint about the incident. However, if he is genuinely acting as a roadblocker to getting necessary tasks done, I would ask your line manager if there is another colleague you can work with so you can side-step them completely

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 19:58

AngelicKaty · 31/03/2025 19:53

She's trying to pile on OP - ignore her. She probably hasn't bothered reading your posts either. Unfortunately, there are people like this on MN.

Ah Nice! love that. Maybe it’s my jnr 😉

OP posts:
AngelicKaty · 31/03/2025 19:53

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 19:50

Does it? Did you read my posts?

curious if you’re trying to pile on and upset me or it’s actually really bad?

She's trying to pile on OP - ignore her. She probably hasn't bothered reading your posts either. Unfortunately, there are people like this on MN.

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 19:50

Riaanna · 31/03/2025 19:45

If you’re asking it means it’s probably pretty bad.

Does it? Did you read my posts?

curious if you’re trying to pile on and upset me or it’s actually really bad?

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 31/03/2025 19:48

God there's always one isn't there? I am patience personified but after one to many prods lost my shit with this person, you could have heard us shouting 3 streets away.
Nothing came of it.

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 19:48

icelolly12 · 31/03/2025 19:44

In future when you need things from him can you go through your line manager instead?

I think it is a learning experience for me, dealing with difficult characters and still getting results so I think I have to persevere.

my general feedback is that I’m too nice and this guy has just used that.

OP posts:
Vitrolinsanity · 31/03/2025 19:48

No call like that never ended with the reasonable person wondering if they could have done better. I have been reasonable all day, but when the person that asked me something had evidently not read the email I sent last week (which incidentally said PLS READ, IMPORTANT INFO RE X) I was at first terse, then extremely irked when they claimed it must not have been delivered. Particularly as I re-sent it this morning just in case.

So now I feel inexplicably bad for being irritable.

Riaanna · 31/03/2025 19:45

If you’re asking it means it’s probably pretty bad.

Crazyworldmum · 31/03/2025 19:44

You should not get a tell off at all . You tried to help he refused to accept said help you have done your part . Those above you will need to support you and deal with this junior .
I’m not sure what you do but the juniors I e been getting the last few years are absolutely horrendous . I’m having to constantly remind them of how to follow procedure , when I called one off for a repeated mistake I was greeted with all excuses and lots of crying , followed by missing work due to stress and his mother calling me . I have no idea what’s happening with this new working generation but they take no accountability for their actions .

icelolly12 · 31/03/2025 19:44

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 19:41

We have the same one, and yes, several times.

manager also struggles with it but ultimately does get things out of him, but it’s a battle but then there is the seniority and actual line manager gravitas

In future when you need things from him can you go through your line manager instead?

Bababear987 · 31/03/2025 19:43

OiBonita · 31/03/2025 15:34

Mmm… you flounced and your senior. You didn’t handle it well.

I dont think she flounced at all, although what do you mean by that exactly? She was direct and professional, what was she supposed to do, let him away with being a tit again?

RandomMess · 31/03/2025 19:41

I think the approach going forward needs to be reset if the whole team from the “we are a team, how do we improve things for everyone” type of approach

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 19:41

icelolly12 · 31/03/2025 19:37

Have you shared his issues with his line manager? Sounds like something needs to be done

We have the same one, and yes, several times.

manager also struggles with it but ultimately does get things out of him, but it’s a battle but then there is the seniority and actual line manager gravitas

OP posts:
icelolly12 · 31/03/2025 19:37

Have you shared his issues with his line manager? Sounds like something needs to be done

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 19:31

tachetastic · 31/03/2025 18:46

I don't think anything you said will get you into trouble, but I do think that telling him that he is making you so cross that you need to leave the call is giving him all the power.

So I would not expect any repercussions, but you may have gone down slightly in people's esteem.

If it happens in future at least say something like "Look, [big boss or client] is calling me so I need to go now, but we should talk about this again later" and then hang up.

This is my fear

OP posts:
YourAquaLion · 31/03/2025 19:23

I think you did everything right. It’s amazing how this colleague of yours thinks he can push back to a manager like that and get away with it. Whereas you stand up to it on the other hand and are then full of doubt. This guy needs to massively buck his ideas up or go and work for himself if he can’t follow straightforward instructions!

LittleBigHead · 31/03/2025 19:16

I said, you can always ask for clarification and I don’t think the underhanded comments are needed, and it’s making me quite cross, so to that end I’m leaving this call. I think I was calm in my tone of voice, but I was shaking on the inside.

Not unprofessional at all @Freakedfreaked . I imagine colleagues were silently cheering.

I think that maybe you shouldn't have left the call, but just pressed on serenely, to show the little baggage that his childish behaviour has had no impact on you. To give him the message that you calling him on his stupid behaviour was dealt with, and you're moving on.