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Original poster

SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

457 replies

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

OP posts:
Crumpleton · 31/03/2025 17:22

This isn't normal behaviour and if it was a man carrying on like this we would all assume he is abusive and controlling.

Women can and do behave like this.

But your assumption is correct, spot on, in the person behind that behaviour is abusive and controlling.

The SIL sounds like she's the one that gets to decide what her DH does.

Daisy12Maisie · 31/03/2025 17:21

Does she definitely now that you have paid?
Otherwise she may be thinking the one and only time he agreed to take her out and spoil her she then couldn’t go due to her mother and so he took his family instead.

So if she knew he had paid and they could go another time as he got his deposit back then problem solved.

If that is not the situation then she is being unreasonable as he can’t be expected to just stay at home if she has made other plans.

LoveItaly · 31/03/2025 17:20

She sounds utterly mad. Thankfully I don’t come into contact with the types of bonkers people I am always reading about on Mumsnet.

justasking111 · 31/03/2025 17:19

It's possible that the other mother heard about the nice meal out and was jealous thus souring the day for SIL and all. Yes I know it's not rational but I've a family member who'd be like this. She's likely to have been in a tear anyway if she quit a holiday because she fell out with her partner. All in all a toxic day at that house.

Dinosweetpea · 31/03/2025 17:19

Your SIL is utterly batshit.
I'd have put the phone down on her.

RampantIvy · 31/03/2025 17:17

soupyspoon · 31/03/2025 14:43

Yes 50 quid a head, not particularly expensive or outrageous for mothers day. Which is why its good advice to cook at home!!!

Show quote history

Erm, yes it is. That would pay for an extremely good meal for 4 people around here, not just a deposit.

PourUsAGlass · 31/03/2025 17:16

I think your DB needs to LTB 🙄

BodyKeepingScore · 31/03/2025 17:16

She’s being completely unreasonable. Did she expect him to sit at home alone instead?

Frostynoman · 31/03/2025 17:13

Oh she’s sounding like a princess. A really ill behaved one at that. Who gives members of their family ‘tongue lashings’..!?!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 31/03/2025 17:13

I'd forgotten the phrase tongue lashing. I shall try to use it in a sentence this week!

QS90 · 31/03/2025 17:12

Luckily she's not your spouse!

Let your brother deal with his terrible life decisions, and put it out your mind - you've done nothing wrong x

DressOrSkirt · 31/03/2025 17:12

My guess is that she wanted him to stay at home wallowing in her absence.
She sounds incredibly controlling and verbally abusive, definitely make sure he's ok.

Unless there's a huge amount of information missing, like the last time he went to dinner with you you encouraged him to get drunk and egg her car.

Coffeedreaming · 31/03/2025 17:12

meganorks · 31/03/2025 16:08

My guess would be that she chose the restaurant and was really looking forward to going but felt she had to cancel and go to her mums. But she didn't really want to and now she is jealous that everyone else has had 'her' mothers day.

She is still absolutely in the wrong though. And surely she could have just gone to her mums for a bit and kept the reservation.

Yes this is what I think too

Redpeach · 31/03/2025 17:11

MarkWithaC · 31/03/2025 16:45

I knew some people would focus in on the £200 deposit. Like that's the point or the issue Grin

I agree, although it is rather alot!

Gogogo12345 · 31/03/2025 17:10

soupyspoon · 31/03/2025 14:43

Yes 50 quid a head, not particularly expensive or outrageous for mothers day. Which is why its good advice to cook at home!!!

Show quote history

Isn't it? I can't see why a meal out would cost £50 a head especially when 2 of the original diners were kids

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/03/2025 17:09

"SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us."

I'd hazard that you four are her whipping boys.

She was actually looking forward to spending Mothers Day with her husband and children at a nice restaurant, being the centre of their attention.

Instead, she got summoned by her mother to make her mother the centre of attention and she only got a bit-part in the production. "SIL didn’t have a good Mother’s Day" dancing attendance on her "difficult" mother, and came home in a bad mood expecting her husband to not have done anything with the day; and instead finds out he had a nice time with his parents and sister at the table booked to celebrate her! Hell hath no fury like a woman done out of being the centre of attention, it would seem.Grin

You didn't do anything wrong, OP. SIL is simply redirecting her anger. She'd prefer to be angry at her "difficult" mother, but Mommy Dearest has presumably trained that possibility out of her, so she redirects it to the nearest live bodies and that's the four of you. She is absolutely in the wrong to do so, but telling her to wind her neck in would probably result in another ear-bashing for your brother. (I might still be tempted, but I'm sure you're a better person than I am.)

Cognacsoft · 31/03/2025 17:08

I’d be delighted if my dsil saved me £200.

CarpetKnees · 31/03/2025 17:08

as far as he’s concerned he invited us so my parents and I haven’t done anything wrong so any problem SIL has should be between them and she shouldn’t have dragged us (especially my parents) into it and she certainly shouldn’t have spoken to us in the way she has

Your brother sounds a decent chap. shame he has married someone so irrational and angry.

I mean, if anything, I think your db could have insisted on going halves with you for the meal, as you hadn't been planning to go out, but the fact you paid gives the SiL absolutely no legs to stand on at all.

I don't understand why you didn't put the phone down if she was unable to speak calmly and hold a rational conversation with you though. There's no way I would accept anyone shouting down the phone at me and not being willing to have a discussion even if they did have a point.

Mamma37338 · 31/03/2025 17:08

Yes I was going to say this as well. She didn’t have a good time herself and she felt her Mother’s Day was taken from her.

I guess her feelings are understandable but she is being very unreasonable to take it out on you and DB.

Redpeach · 31/03/2025 17:08

I really want to know what the dh did that was so bad that she blew up mothers day

BlackWhiteCircle · 31/03/2025 17:06

Edit spell checked arsehole!

BlackWhiteCircle · 31/03/2025 17:06

SIL is an area hole for saying only kids and grandkids no partner and SIL showed what she thinks of her partner.

Mmhmmn · 31/03/2025 17:03

SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only

Well she sounds like a delight.

Probably not surprising that SIL, her daughter, also behaves in a self obsessed, rudely idiotic way.
She needs to get over herself.

CoraPirbright · 31/03/2025 17:00

Golly I am so sorry OP that you have been on the receiving end of such vitriol. I feel truly awful for your brother, though. He must have a hideous time behind closed doors.

moveoveralice · 31/03/2025 16:58

This isn't normal behaviour and if it was a man carrying on like this we would all assume he is abusive and controlling.

She has her arse in her hands because her day was shit, but I would also guess she has an MO for lashing out at your DB when things don't go her way. I wouldn't mind betting he often walks on eggshells with her OP.