Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

457 replies

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

OP posts:
LT1233 · 31/03/2025 18:12

You're not wrong, she's a total dick.

I'd never behave like her in a million years usually, however, I dislike my husband's brother SO much that if I found out he'd gone out with him on Mothers Day, I'd probably go into fucking orbit. All common sense and morality would go out the window, I'd just combust. Could it be that she really really dislikes you, and you've not realised?

Waterweight · 31/03/2025 18:07

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 31/03/2025 14:39

I have read this a few times and STILL can't understand what SIL is complaining about?! Because her DH went out to celebrate Mothers' Day without her? That he went to a restaurant with his own mother? While she was away celebrating it with her own mother?

Nope. I still can't see her angle for 'refusing to speak to anyone again' about it...? What, exactly, are you all supposed to have done?

Either DB had angled it as him paying for the dinner himself/not needing to go back because he's been/not liking it

Imbusytodaysorry · 31/03/2025 18:05

PourUsAGlass · 31/03/2025 17:16

I think your DB needs to LTB 🙄

This

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 31/03/2025 18:04

She's being ridiculous.

When people say if you don't know I can't help you, what they mean is they know full well they are being ridiculous and if they actually tell you then it will be obvious they are being unreasonable.

Imbusytodaysorry · 31/03/2025 18:04

@FreakingOutRightNow123 i was going to say that SIL and her mother sound as bad and as selfish.
Just read your update . So yes it’s very much both of their problems. .
O can’t believe the Mil excludes the men /partners made everyone change their plans .
Then her Dd gets all upset as anyone dares have a nice time without her. .

I think you and your parents should stand up to her and you could maybe speak to your brother about doing the same. .

Sounds like a lovely lunch /day glad you all had the opportunity .

Tessiebear2023 · 31/03/2025 18:03

justasking111 · 31/03/2025 17:19

It's possible that the other mother heard about the nice meal out and was jealous thus souring the day for SIL and all. Yes I know it's not rational but I've a family member who'd be like this. She's likely to have been in a tear anyway if she quit a holiday because she fell out with her partner. All in all a toxic day at that house.

This is exactly what I was thinking when I read OPs situation. "I can't believe they all went out and enjoyed themselves whilst I'm having such a terrible time on my special day - so insensitive!!" the MIL could well be a controlling drama queen who loves to stir things up. There are some people who excel at making holidays and special days blow up in everyone's faces, and I'm willing to bet she's one of them.

This is still on SIL though, most reasonable people would not completely fly off the handle like that, even if they have had a shitty time (which, to be fair to her, she probably did). I could understand her feeling very short-changed that her plans turned to shit, but it's not OP & husband's fault and her behaviour was appalling.

lunar1 · 31/03/2025 18:00

So she just wanted her husband to be bored on who’s own with nothing to do and no company?

Bunnycat101 · 31/03/2025 17:54

So, your sister in law ditched your husband and uninvited him from her Mother’s Day celebration and then got the hump he went out and then behaved really rudely to the wider family. She sounds bonkers tbh and she was really rude to drop your DH.

The only slight thing I could see from her perspective is she might have been hoping your brother would still take her out in the evening.

ForestFox44 · 31/03/2025 17:51

I would tell her to fuck off 😅 how dare she!

LocalHobo · 31/03/2025 17:48

The Op was having over yesterday on actual Mother’s Day. Not last week Organic82

The Op wasn't involved in last weeks celebration but the DB was...
My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

So 'Mum' got two lunches with DB (her son) - and of course, that is fine, but maybe SIL didn't think so if she is inclined to be this way. No excuse.

Dragonsandcats · 31/03/2025 17:47

Your SIL is nuts. You did nothing wrong.

GreyAreas · 31/03/2025 17:47

I think it sounds like she has a horrendously controlling mum and that she has developed, sadly, the same traits. Having to placate mum and missing out makes her furious, but she can't actually be furious with her own mum so she's going for you. It's sad, completely unreasonable and just really sad that she has to act like that. Think of it like triggering her inner neglected child - you're not dealing with the adult.

justkeepswimingswiming · 31/03/2025 17:45

Your SIL is crazy.

Lilactimes · 31/03/2025 17:44

I literally can’t see anything wrong with what you’ve done… I keep rereading in case I missed something.
one thing I do think is that judging by Mumsnet Mothers Day can cause a bit of trouble for a lot of people !

blandwich · 31/03/2025 17:44

The short answer is that SIL is nuts. Can't imagine what she thinks is wrong about any of this. I'd receive her threat of not speaking to you with joy!

Mudkipper · 31/03/2025 17:43

I'd leave it to your DB to deal with SIL to the extent of blocking her until she's calmed down. I think she expected him to sit at home on his own and instead he went out and had a nice time with his own family, so she's got FOMO.

The fact that it's all her own fault won't help, of course!

RampantIvy · 31/03/2025 17:43

FrodoBiggins · 31/03/2025 17:38

  1. What you can buy "around here" is irrelevant when they're going out in London. It could buy even more in Kerala but that's not where they went
  1. Lots of restos have a flat deposit amount for busy or special days. If you no-show they could lose even more than that so it's to encourage attending or early cancellation. IME children's deposits aren't cheaper, as it's still a 4 person table they'd otherwise fill, but doesn't mean the children's food will be >£50. Might be adult/ hungry children anyway.

Everyone needs to get over the deposit 😝

Show quote history

My apologies. I spotted the OP's subsequent post after I posted.

TimeForABreak4 · 31/03/2025 17:41

I'd be sending her a message to wind her fucking neck in and never ever to speak to me like that ever again. You have done nothing wrong. She chose to go to spend mother's day with her mum, rather than continue with her plans with your db, despite him not being invited. He got his money back by you all going and they can book another time and he got to spend mother's day with his mum, like she chose to do with hers. She's acting completly irrationally.

meganorks · 31/03/2025 17:39

RampantIvy · 31/03/2025 17:17

Erm, yes it is. That would pay for an extremely good meal for 4 people around here, not just a deposit.

Show quote history

Round here the going rate seemed to be £40 per head for a 3 course set menu (3 or 4 options for each course). While OP says deposit, I suspect that is actually the payment for the meal, with drinks and service to be added. And a deposit because if you cancel, you don't get it back.

Lilactimes · 31/03/2025 17:38

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

She sounds completely mad….
i have two sister in laws and struggle a little with both… which makes me sad and I feel I really try… but I just think yours is completely CRAZY!!

FrodoBiggins · 31/03/2025 17:38

RampantIvy · 31/03/2025 17:17

Erm, yes it is. That would pay for an extremely good meal for 4 people around here, not just a deposit.

Show quote history
  1. What you can buy "around here" is irrelevant when they're going out in London. It could buy even more in Kerala but that's not where they went
  1. Lots of restos have a flat deposit amount for busy or special days. If you no-show they could lose even more than that so it's to encourage attending or early cancellation. IME children's deposits aren't cheaper, as it's still a 4 person table they'd otherwise fill, but doesn't mean the children's food will be >£50. Might be adult/ hungry children anyway.

Everyone needs to get over the deposit 😝

Daleksatemyshed · 31/03/2025 17:33

If you get to the bottom of all this Op maybe you could let us know because i'm lost. Your SIL is a weirdo

Dog Grooming GIF by MOODMAN
itsjustbiology · 31/03/2025 17:30

I would just tell sil two words second being off and have done with her.She sounds pathetic!

shiningstar2 · 31/03/2025 17:29

Sil went to celebrate mother's day with her mother.Her choice ...no problem.
Her DH, left at a loose end because she made that choice went to celebrate mother's day with his mother ...what could work out better under the circumstance
Further he was able to spend the time with his mother at no cost to himself and was even generously treated to a meal himself by you. Lovely. A good time had by all a man d nothing taken out at all from his family budget. SIL has nothing to complain of.
My guess is that she expected her DH to just be left hanging about at a loose end. Turns out he had a lovely day. I'm thinking that she is annoyed that her DHs day turned out better than her day.Hevgotca grown up lunch out. She got lunch at mother's with a load of kids so she's annoyed and jealous
It was her choice though so the kind of thing a reasonable sil would have a bit of a jokey rueful laugh about ...wow turned out alright for you didn't it you had the best day.
But why would she fall out with anybody about it. Why shouldn't your brother see his mother on mother's day if it works out with SIL's choice for the day In fact, if it was my brother, bearing in mind it was his mother as well as yours and he was losing £200 if there was no show, I would have expected him to split the bill with me. Basically it seems to noil down to resentment from her because his day turned out better than hers. 💐

pictoosh · 31/03/2025 17:29

I'd leave her to your brother to deal with. I wouldn't have any part in trying to sort it out/placate her/giving it headspace.

Swipe left for the next trending thread