To wonder how unethical a coffee date would be if he won’t commit?

There are plenty of fairly neutral replies along the lines of 'please don't do that'. Hardly being torn apart, so why pretend otherwise?

I’d just say marry or seperate, I think dating apps will come back to bite you.

Obviously you need to be honest. ‘You don’t seem very keen to progress rhis relationship. If you were I’d love that, but I have to face reality, so I am going back on dating apps to see if anyone amazing pops up.’

Surely if you want a proposal and he’s dragging his heels you give him an ultimatum, propose or you split.

if you split you go on dates! I don’t think cheating is the answer to the problem you have. It is a sure fire way of not getting the proposal!!

Quite right. It’s not the 1850s.

my partner is dragging his heels on a proposal for various reasons. In my 30s

FFS. It’s 2025.

If you want to get married, tell him you want to get married, ask him if he wants to get married and if he does set a date. If he doesn’t, decide whether you want to stay in the relationship without marriage and take it from there.

It doesn’t sound like you do want to marry him, because instead of being a grown up and raising it yourself to resolve it, you’d rather childishly try to force him into a proposal by dating other people.

She is getting those replies…

Don’t do it behind his back. Would you marry him if you found out he was on dating apps behind your back?

It’s difficult to give specific advice without knowing the reasons why he won’t get married. You could discuss opening the relationship if you think that would work for both of you. Otherwise, just break up with him if you want to date other people.

You’re in a relationship which is serious enough that you expect this man to propose to you but you simultaneously want to shop around and join dating apps… choose one or the other. If marriage is a dealbreaker for you and he doesn’t want it, then end the relationship. Don’t start shopping around for other men while you’re in a relationship. That’s cheating. And also completely gross.

She doesn't say that he doesn't want to commit; there are people in committed long-term relationships who choose not to marry.

Seriously OP!
You are not ready to get married if you're thinking of going on coffee dates with strangers from a dating app!
I'd be questioning your commitment, not his!

What do you mean he’s dragging his heels on a proposal? Are you also dragging your heels on a proposal? It is 2025 you know!?

How would you feel if he started dating other people? Nothing physical of course, just checking if there is anything better out there before he decides if you see worth a proposal........

Yes, you would be cheating and yes, that is unethical. 🙄

Is it difficult though?

You don’t see the harm in dating with the intention of finding a new partner while continuing to pretend you’re in an exclusive relationship with your current partner?

Hmm

You could just talk to him and say if he wants to get married you want to get engaged within the next six months and marry within 18 months. Or whatever timescale. I don't know why so many women wait around for a proposal that may never come or won't come on the timescale that suits them. Is it about checking that he's commited enough to want commitment as evidenced by deciding to do the proposal? I just had a chat to my then boyfriend and we decided to get married and that was that. But I didn't want a proposal because I wanted to be an equal partner in the decision-making not for it to all be up to him.

It's a difficult one. How long have you been with him. Do you live together. I can't see the harm in coffee dates especially in view of him not wanting to commit.

Don't be a jerk! Doing this coffee dates is jerking not just your partner around but other dates. It doesn't even make any sense- these men aren't going to instantly propose to you!

Let's be honest, you don't care about marrying him, you just care about being married and would marry anyone who seemed like a 'safe bet' (financially well off). Leave him, join the dating apps and put that you're looking for a husband/someone who wants to marry you within whatever time frame.

Or if I give you the benefit of the doubt and you don't really want to go on the apps, you're just frustrated he hasn't proposed yet (and perhaps are thinking of your ticking body clock), sit down with him and say 'I know it's not been that long but I want to make sure we're on the same page about life goals. How do you see our relationship evolving three years from now?' Then you tell him 'I'd like us to marry at that point/be married at that point; it sounds like we want different things from our futures so I think it's better for both of us to end this now'.

Note, don't start off by mentioning marriage and babies because he might just tell you what he thinks you want to hear. 18 months isn't really that long so he probably hasn't given much thought to your future together (or if you even have a future together).

Is one of the reasons he is dragging his heels that he doesn’t trust you?

Are you always this selfish, OP?

The OP is very sensible to care about marriage. MN is a strange place at times, on one hand women are berated for wanting marriage, and then criticised for having children without the security of marriage!!!

Maybe he hasn't proposed as he suspects you're sly and a cheat. Smart bloke.

She is being universally torn apart. Not one comment is supportive.

Maybe read comments instead of beating your “Poor Oppressed Man” drum where it does not belong.

In addition to being deceitful to your boyfriend, you're also being pretty unfair on any guy who thinks he's been matched with a potential partner and heads off for a coffee date to meet her, actually.

Op youbare unlikely to find someone who will marry you withing 18 months, you might get swept off your feet but it is unlikely.
Not many people get engaged after 18 months.
If you have incredible wealth or beauty it is more likely to happen that someone wants to snap you up after a few months, buy for normal folk it is much less common.