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AIBU?

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Original poster

Little boy wanting to be a girl

138 replies

Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 10:50

My son is 5 years old and we are currently waiting for an ASD assessment.

He is brilliantly bright and outgoing - he loves playing with all things from cars to dollies but his favourite is anything to do with letters and numbers.

Recently since starting school, he’s been saying that he wants to be a girl. It started with him having a dream that this happened to all the boys in his class by magic.

I just told him lots of magical things happen in dreams but not in real life but he keeps mentioning it. It’s really hard to strike a balance with him because if you ignore to much it makes something more intriguing, but if you talk about something too much he can get obsessive over it.

I know he’s only 5 but it just feels scary. Like what if he goes to school and they encourage it. I’ve read about how autistic children are so vulnerable to this type of ideology online.

AIBU to be this worried?

Any advice, comfort or similar stories would help x

OP posts:
jellyfishperiwinkle · 31/03/2025 11:06

Get him plenty of traditionally "girl's" toys as well as boys and let him dress up as a princess or whatever - I think it's really important for boys to be able to play with dolls and do gentle role play and make believe games. I never let DDs feel restricted in what they could do - would never say "You can't do that because you're a girl" etc and if I'd had boys I'd have taken the same approach.

BallerinaRadio · 31/03/2025 11:06

Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 11:03

It’s not that he’ll be on the internet now - it’s more just that if it’s an idea that he carries through to adolescence there’s lots of online groups that attract autistic teenagers.

Show quote history

You seem very convinced that he's already made his mind up, he's only 5 they change their mind on everything all the time

pizzaHeart · 31/03/2025 11:04

ConiferBat · 31/03/2025 10:58

At 5 his only experience of the difference between boys & girls is how his friends parents dress them and the games they play.

I would find out what he thinks a girl can do that he would like to do & let him do those things. No fuss.

FWIW - I had an Ana & Elsa (both male) wandering around my living room for quite some time, a tutu & pink unicorn slippers are still in the dressing up bag & eldest still likes a bit of nail varnish & his long hair. They are both happy sporty, boys who have never again mentioned wanting to be a girl & (to my satisfaction) have friendships with classmates of both sexes.

I think this is the best approach.

Original poster
Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 11:03

BallerinaRadio · 31/03/2025 11:01

At 5 his imagination will take him all sorts of places and he'll be getting influences from everywhere.

If this is genuine I don't see how you're worried about influences from online at 5 though, or why you think his school will push this idea

It’s not that he’ll be on the internet now - it’s more just that if it’s an idea that he carries through to adolescence there’s lots of online groups that attract autistic teenagers.

OP posts:
BarnacleBeasley · 31/03/2025 11:02

My pre-school aged son has wanted to be a girl for ages (I think because he knows more girls and they have better clothes and hair) but he's changing his mind now as he's recently found out that only boys can grow moustaches and beards.

Codlingmoths · 31/03/2025 11:02

I’d say what do girls do? Is it clothes? Can I tell you a secret? Anyone can wear clothes, would you like us to get you some different ones? And support the things he likes doing, without saying now he’s a girl.

Original poster
Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 11:01

ConiferBat · 31/03/2025 10:58

At 5 his only experience of the difference between boys & girls is how his friends parents dress them and the games they play.

I would find out what he thinks a girl can do that he would like to do & let him do those things. No fuss.

FWIW - I had an Ana & Elsa (both male) wandering around my living room for quite some time, a tutu & pink unicorn slippers are still in the dressing up bag & eldest still likes a bit of nail varnish & his long hair. They are both happy sporty, boys who have never again mentioned wanting to be a girl & (to my satisfaction) have friendships with classmates of both sexes.

This is comforting - I’ll definitely ask him what he wants that he thinks girls have.

I bet he’ll want to grow his hair which is not great with the current outbreak of nits in his class!

OP posts:
BallerinaRadio · 31/03/2025 11:01

At 5 his imagination will take him all sorts of places and he'll be getting influences from everywhere.

If this is genuine I don't see how you're worried about influences from online at 5 though, or why you think his school will push this idea

JLou08 · 31/03/2025 10:59

My DS wanted to be a superhero when he was 5. He grew out if it. I wouldn't worry.

Original poster
Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 10:59

Needmorelego · 31/03/2025 10:55

The "happened by magic" thing makes me wonder if the class has been reading "Bill's New Frock" by Anne Fine.
Which ISN'T a book about transgender btw.

Thanks for the response and I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll ask his teacher. But then I don’t know if I want to bring it up with the school in case they make a bigger deal than necessary…

I have also just had a baby girl who’s had her first birthday - loads of attention etc.

I guess my concern is that this type of idea for children can pop up anywhere but with his ASD I’m worried it will become a fixation.

OP posts:
TinyLittleLion · 31/03/2025 10:58

I mean he’s five, where would he have got the idea online from or at all?

I don’t really know at 5 how he’d be a girl but if he wants to play with “girl” toys then cool, just keep reminding him he’s a boy or “that’s nice dear, I wish I was a princess” or whatever and change the subject.

A lot of trans people say they knew young so it could go either way really especially since he’s potentially autistic but I would just encourage him to be himself, it seems like he’s just got caught up in a dream and will eventually move on tbh.

ConiferBat · 31/03/2025 10:58

At 5 his only experience of the difference between boys & girls is how his friends parents dress them and the games they play.

I would find out what he thinks a girl can do that he would like to do & let him do those things. No fuss.

FWIW - I had an Ana & Elsa (both male) wandering around my living room for quite some time, a tutu & pink unicorn slippers are still in the dressing up bag & eldest still likes a bit of nail varnish & his long hair. They are both happy sporty, boys who have never again mentioned wanting to be a girl & (to my satisfaction) have friendships with classmates of both sexes.

Needmorelego · 31/03/2025 10:55

The "happened by magic" thing makes me wonder if the class has been reading "Bill's New Frock" by Anne Fine.
Which ISN'T a book about transgender btw.