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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect DH to wake up when the kids do?!

208 replies

Mumof3Chaos · 31/03/2025 08:05

Honestly, I am FUMING this morning. Every single day, without fail, the kids wake up at the crack of dawn (thanks to the flipping clock change making it even worse), and every single day DH just magically doesn’t hear them. I swear the man could sleep through a fire alarm.

So there I am, dealing with 3yo screaming because she wanted the blue cup (which is in the dishwasher, obvs), 7yo crying cos he can’t find his school tie, and 10yo shouting down that she’s got no clean PE socks (despite me washing a million pairs last week). Meanwhile, DH is just lying there, breathing deeply, pretending he’s in a coma or something.

I banged around a bit in the kitchen, “accidentally” dropped a spoon, even opened the curtains in the bedroom when I went back up, and NOTHING. He just strolled downstairs at 7:50 looking all bleary-eyed, stretching like he’s had the best sleep of his life, and went “Oh, are they up already?” LIKE NO, I’M JUST RUNNING A NOISE EXPERIMENT.

AIBU to expect him to get up and help instead of playing dead every morning?! Cos I swear if he does it again tomorrow I might just ‘forget’ to make him a cup of tea for the rest of the year.

OP posts:
Willoo · 31/03/2025 10:44

Why is no one calling out the posters who are advising assault on the DH? Disgraceful

Honkingyellowdaffodils · 31/03/2025 10:42

BodenCardiganNot · 31/03/2025 09:13

Why do women keep having children with useless men?

Baffling isn’t it? I have a friend who’s just had her fourth with a man like this. And never stops going on about how little he does re house and kids. Admittedly it can be hard to tell how a man will step up until a baby actually arrives but I’d have thought by the time you’ve had the first you wouldn’t keep going in the hope that things will change?

Willoo · 31/03/2025 10:42

BestDIL · 31/03/2025 10:21

I'd be walking into the bedroom and stripping the covers off him! If that didn't work, then a cup of cold water first to his face, then his body!

Could you imagine if a man did this to a woman…?

crumblingschools · 31/03/2025 10:41

If for some reason he can’t get up in the morning to parent then he can do the sorting of bags etc in the evening (especially as he WFH). Set up a rota/list so everyone (including older DC) have responsibilities

TheJollyMoose · 31/03/2025 10:41

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 10:37

Why couldn’t he be more organised the night before?

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I agree. The “you” was a general you towards both of them.

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 10:37

TheJollyMoose · 31/03/2025 10:32

Does it take two people to get them ready? Why wouldn’t you be organised the night before?

Why couldn’t he be more organised the night before?

LazyArsedMagician · 31/03/2025 10:36

Was he this shit when your first was born?

Strip the cover off him in bed, spray him with water, get the kids to jump on him.

And/or - tell him that school prep the night before is on him - he needs to sort out uniforms, lunches, and know when PE kit etc. is required. If you're doing the mornings, he can do the evenings.

TheJollyMoose · 31/03/2025 10:32

Does it take two people to get them ready? Why wouldn’t you be organised the night before?

Spondoolies · 31/03/2025 10:31

I think you need to go away for a night

Middleagedstriker · 31/03/2025 10:31

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:44

Since when is 6.30 “crack of dawn”?

Dawn was at 6.32 here this morning. It's too fucking early if you like having an evening.

ilovelamp82 · 31/03/2025 10:28

Get a huge fuck off bell and ring it by his head, so that there's not any misunderstanding that the day has begun and active parenting must commence.

Original poster
Mumof3Chaos · 31/03/2025 10:27

Wow ok, lots to go through here.

Firstly, for those asking – yes, I do work, part time, but I do the mornings every single day because DH “doesn’t hear them” (lol ok). He starts work at 9, from home, so there’s really no excuse for him to be lying in bed until 8.

To the people saying the kids should be more independent – totally agree. 10yo can get herself sorted but will have a meltdown if something isn’t exactly where she thought it was. 7yo is hopeless in the mornings, like genuinely cannot function. 3yo… well, she’s 3. She’s a law unto herself.

And yeah, fair point about the prep. I do try, but some nights I’m just too knackered to be dealing with uniforms and bags. That should be something DH helps with, but if he’s not even waking up, fat chance of that happening.

Also, love the vacuum idea. Might have to accidentally-on-purpose drop it on his side of the bed tomorrow.

OP posts:
Smokesandeats · 31/03/2025 10:23

Mumof3Chaos · 31/03/2025 08:43

Wow didn’t expect this many replies!!

To those saying just wake him up – I have tried, trust me. He just grunts and rolls over half the time, or mumbles “yeah in a minute” and then shockingly doesn’t actually get up. At this point, making noise is less me being passive aggressive and more just sheer frustration lol.

Kids get up around 6:30, we need to be out the door by 8:15, so no idea how he’s surprised they’re awake at 7:50?! Like mate, we do this EVERY DAY.

Agree on the older two needing to be more organised – I do tell them, but 10yo is at that “I know better than you” stage and 7yo would forget his own head if it wasn’t attached. I’ll try getting them more on it though.

Also, to the person who said about the tea in bed – love this idea. Maybe I’ll take him one at 6:30 tomorrow and see how he likes it.

Have you tried putting a really loud alarm near his head or removing the duvet from the bed?

BestDIL · 31/03/2025 10:21

I'd be walking into the bedroom and stripping the covers off him! If that didn't work, then a cup of cold water first to his face, then his body!

Youcalyptus · 31/03/2025 10:21

femfemlicious · 31/03/2025 08:19

Because she should get the kids up on a weekday. It's kinds her job. Why should he have to get the kids ready if he is going to work and ahe is going to be qt home. Weekends are different

Show quote history

So we both work- does that mean nobody has to get the kids up on a weekday? The kids and the school didn't get the memo on that one.

lawpluslaw · 31/03/2025 10:19

Cuwins · 31/03/2025 09:12

6:30 would be a lie in here! 😂
If DP isn’t working an early shift or come off a night shift then we take it in turns to have a lie in so only one of us has to get up. However I should add that we aren’t trying to get anyone out the door for school.
I would say either you take it in turns to get up on your own while the other one lies in till 8 or you both get up. I agree with send the 3 year old in to wake him- mine would be bouncing on the bed, that would wake him quick enough!

Yup. 3- year-olds honing their trampolining skills are one of the best alarm clocks known to man.

Mumofoneandone · 31/03/2025 10:18

He is being irresponsible, selfish and setting a bad example for his children. He needs to be working on waking up earlier to be involved with them and support you in the mornings.
Equally - easier said than done - but you have to be straight with him that he's out of order.....
Have heard about an alarm that's linked to puzzles, which can't be turned off without starting to wake up through working on the puzzles! Need something like that or repeater alarms away from his bed.

Bunnycat101 · 31/03/2025 10:18

Realistically the 10 year old should be relatively autonomous in the morning and the 7 year old getting there. The 3yo will be the challenging one.

The OP has been a bit vague on the working situation. If they both work full time then the DH is clearly being an arse to leave it all to her. Even if he’s the sole earner, he could be more helpful. I don’t think he gets to totally absent himself from any form of parenting.

rainbowstardrops · 31/03/2025 10:14

I’d be sending the little one in with a pot and a wooden spoon and tell them to practice their drumming. The lazy fucker would soon get up then!

Kubricklayer · 31/03/2025 10:13

ThisUniqueDreamer · 31/03/2025 10:07

It isn't. I don't remember screaming and crying in the morning at 7 for my tie leave your clothes out the night before and pack the pe bag the night before.

All 3 of them screaming shouting or crying before school...where have they learnt that's acceptable.

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I agree with you the prep the night before is key and accounts for most of the issues.

But tbf kids are emotional, irrationally so at times. The small things matter to them, and they care about what their peers think. And kids, schoolkids, can be incredibly cruel at times so you can understand sometimes how they might seem dramatic.

tillylula · 31/03/2025 10:11

Mine was the same. Waking up 9-9.30am, working all day then on computer till 1am talking to mates, only appearing for dinner. We were an inconvenience. (3 kids 5 3 & 18 months) I told him I was leaving him and he's got his act together.

Kubricklayer · 31/03/2025 10:07

I say this as a DH who works Mon-Fri whilst DW does the school run each morning. I used to just get up and disappear to work and DW found morning stressful. So now every night I prep and layout the school uniforms, restock the schoolbags with the midmorning snacks, have the school and homework bags laid out.

In the morning I refill their water bottles, have the breakfast laid out (cereal minus milk until DC are up). make any packed lunch, and have toothbrushes laid out.

All in all it takes 10 mins the night before and 10 mins in the morning. Barely impacts my day but DW says it makes mornings 100 times smoother.

Better prep is the key.

ThisUniqueDreamer · 31/03/2025 10:07

NeelyOHara · 31/03/2025 10:03

No they aren’t? They are just kids, how nasty.

Show quote history

It isn't. I don't remember screaming and crying in the morning at 7 for my tie leave your clothes out the night before and pack the pe bag the night before.

All 3 of them screaming shouting or crying before school...where have they learnt that's acceptable.

NeelyOHara · 31/03/2025 10:03

ThisUniqueDreamer · 31/03/2025 08:39

It isn't just your DH your kids sound really badly behaved.

Tantrumming over a stupid cup. She can sod right off with that and get what she's given.

Crying over a tie at 7 and shouting about socks at 10.

So much chaos - why aren't clothes laid out and PE bags packed the night before instead of everyone screaming and shouting and crying.

No they aren’t? They are just kids, how nasty.

Kubricklayer · 31/03/2025 10:01

Tbf most of the stress this morning could have been prevented by better prep the night before.

I would expect a 10yo and 7yo can make their own breakfast and get themselves dressed. The stress these pair appear to be causing is due to not finding the desired clothes.

If the clothes had been laid out the night before (by either parent, or by DC) they should in theory not present any issues (except maybe needing shook awake so the morning isn't a panic).

Therefore, the 3 yo should be the only one to present a challenge. They need to learn they get whatever cup is available. Or if the parent chooses the weaker and easier route, again clean the cup the night before to prevent the tantrum the next day (although I'm sure the 3 yo will find something else to flip out about).

Really the 3 yo should be the only challenge and 1 parent should be able to easily manage them.