To expect DH to wake up when the kids do?!

hilarious 🤣🤣🤣

Good for you, you do the bare minimum of feeding and paying for children you chose to have.

That doesn't make your attitude towards stay at home parents any less appalling. You think that keeping your children safe and healthy all day every day is not comparable to you going to the office and being given money...

This is just great! I feed them, pay for them, and my attitude is appalling. Indeed black is white and white is black and the world has gone mad.

As someone with a pretty demanding job who also spends two days at home looking after our three year old....yes, it can be compared. It is 1000x easier to do my job than it is to look after a child on my days "off", especially when she's in one of "those" moods.

We have some days where we're both really chilled and enjoy every second. We have others where it is ridiculously stressful. So if all the child and home responsibilities were just on me, theres so much that wouldn't get done. I think I would burn out if I stayed home full time, especially if my husband thought about it like you do.

Your attitude to stay at home parents is appalling.

Of course I value what he does! Only it can't be compared to what I do, impossible. Silly even. And yes, she who pays the piper, etc. etc.

Who calls the shots if they both work?

just go in and say “ wake up , get out of bed and start parenting”

I’ve done it , all men do the sleep thing because “ oh all men do that “ and it seems to now have become the acceptable norm because “ he’s a man “

i did it to a few months ago when he fell asleep on the sofa went in and shouted get up and sort your child out whilst in doing 101 things”

communication is key 🤣☺️🙏

The breadwinner doesn't "call the shots", they bring home the family money.

If you work 9-5 then in those hours you do your job. The stay at home parent, between the same hours, does their job. 5pm-9am, childcare is both parents job.

And in our family, we both earn, we both bring home money, we both parent. It's the fair thing (and the normal thing).

So you only value people if they actually earn money? So your DH does UNPAID labour - ie looks after your joint children - but you get to call the shots because you work outside the home and earn money? OK then. And you'd be happy to show your DH this post would you and let him know what you really think about his difficult and exhausting job? I'm a SAHP too but I do tons of volunteering and charity work now my kids are older but guess what? - I don't get paid for any of it - so my DH calls the shots in my house too does he? If I wasn't here my entire family and home would collapse as I basically organise most things from the moment I wake up. But it's unpaid labour so you, (& a huge chunk of society including many women), don't value it at all.

That does make me feel really sad though. Why are most mums just great at their job of parenting and lots of men are frankly just shit? I'm 50 this year and I still wake up at the drop of a hat even though my kids are 21 & 17. My DH can sleep through anything. It doesn't seem fair really.

Obviously his behaviour is completely unreasonable and unacceptable, but I can't understand why you didn't sort this out 10 years ago ???

I wouldn't stay with a man who thought he could just opt out of parenting.

I don’t think there’s any point passive aggressively banging around- I’m a heavy sleeper, and if I’m asleep, my husband seething isn’t going to make me any more awake. To be fair, I have a health condition that causes fatigue so I do have somewhat of an excuse for being very difficult to wake in the morning.

On the other hand, your DH doesn’t get to opt out of morning parenting, and I completely understand why you’re fuming. I think you have two options- you either sit him down (not when you’re fuming and trying to get the kids ready) and lay out just how frustrating this is for you and that you expect him to come up with a solution to ensure that he is up and ready to go at the required time. Alternatively, you accept that he is useless in the morning but require some sort of ‘balancing’ on his part. For example, you do the morning, he handles bedtime or whatever works for you.

Either way, he needs to come up with a way to resolve this that is acceptable to you. In my case, I have to set multiple alarms every 5 minutes starting from at least half an hour before I need to be up. Getting up is genuinely hard for me, but I don’t see why my DH should suffer for it. I also do less of the getting kids ready in the morning (because I’m fatigued and my joints hurt, although I’ll always be up and ready to help out if needed) and DH does the morning school run, but I do pickup, after school care and reading and bedtime when I’m on much better form. This works for us, but you really need to discuss it, and your DH has to bring solutions to the table.

Why does the breadwinner call the shots?

Why does being the breadwinner mean you get to lie in and nor participate with rearing the children you helped create?

I agree with this. When we had our newborns I woke up to the slightest pre-cry movement. When I knew dh was watching them, I didnt. It was like knowing someone else had them switched my baby noise alert off.

what is he doing with the kids on his own?

I am the only breadwinner in the family, my dh is a sahd. I am not devaluing women's labour - I am saying that the breadwinner calls the shot, that is all I am saying. If this wife is not happy to do her part of the 'job' - looking after dc, then she should go out and earn, no problem and her dh should look after the kids.

Work out the financial implications of her husband having to actually pay people to do the job his wife is doing raising his kids.

He may bring in cash but she works too in the home and her work is every bit as valuable.

Then when you've worked out just how much his wife saves this man in financial outlay, have a word with yourself about devaluing womens labour.

Bowl of cold water over his head?

Hahaha like fuck that would be happening in my house, you need to put your foot down ffs.

Did you read his post?

He said his wife told him it was too much and so he got the family more organised. He said the he does prep on an evening and in the morning.

I meant I dislike mansplaining as much as the next woman but he said that when he was told his wife was struggling he started doing things to make it easier.

Which is what all the women have said. Tell him and he'll have to do something.

Errr...lot's of women before my post saying the exact same thing. That being underprepared is the primay cause of the bulk of OP's stress in this scenario.

The only thing my experience added was that the man (or working parent) can be at fault for being ignorant of the work involved to get DC prepped in the morning. And lending a hand will make life easier for everyone.

But that chip on your shoulder isn't going to carry itself now is it?😂😂

So you don't stay in bed til 8 every day then?

because they're a family and that's what families often do.

What happens in your house? Does everybody get their own meals, does their own wash , just clears their own stuff up etc? Sort of separate individuals living in communal accomodation?

XH used to do this. Two DC both with ASD, I'd be up for the day at 5am six days a week, with a theoretical lie in on Sundays. Lie in always got abruptly ended at around 7am. Then he'd take the piss out of me for going to bed at 9.30pm. One of the reasons he's now an XH.

Honestly this!! every bloody time people on here don't have a clue what a sahp actually does. So he can have 3 kids but do zero parenting before he starts his important job but her job begins the moment she wakes up??? yeah that seems totally fair 🙄🙄