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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a CF one

189 replies

Willowthewhip · 31/03/2025 01:02

Back from a slightly tense weekend away and good to get opinions on my reasonability puls share some CFery!

Group of 4 friends from a sports hobby (long stopped), who meet every month or so for a wine. Friend (the CF) has always come across as a bit tight, eg would never buy someone else a drink but happy to accept offer of one, that kind of thing.

Anyway, my aunt has a holiday house. Ive visited lots with family, it's beautiful and my aunt has always said we can come whenever (assuming no one else is there). Ever since hearing this, CF has banged on about wanting to visit. I was deliberately 'oh maybe' as wasn't sure id enjoy a weekend trip with them. However, as is way with CFs, no hint was got and they persisted, made out to the rest of group that I'd invited them all, and a date was set.

The CFery included:

  • refusing to get great value coach and instead pursuing non CF friend to drive us,
  • bringing literal car full of clothes/shoes/home comforts (hence refusung coach as wouldn't be able to carry it to station) meaning rest of us had journey with bags (including hers) on our laps (and suggesting we get out and get last minute ££ coach tickets instead))
  • claiming the master suite and then moaning next day (to my Aunt who'd popped in briefly to check we were ok!!) about how terrible the bed was, how noisy the ensuite toilet was etc...
  • not coming on (free) trips my Aunt had arranged as wanted 'me time'
  • bringing sandwiches to lovely pub as didn't want to pay for pub food
  • generally just bring PITA - too hot, too cold, hungry, bored etc.

Theres loads of other things but these are just the ones from top of head.

However, reason for this post is I'd asked group if they were ok to contribute to a thank you gift for my aunt. Now, Aunt is wealthy, she absolutely could charge us to stay, but doesnt. Previously we've bought a big bunch of flowers, or houseplant, fruit basket etc - a token of our thanks but still something my Aunt would find a treat.

I'd estimate the cost to rent the house for 2 nights would be £600+

CF said happy to contribute £5.

I honestly thought, you tight cow. Aibu?!

And yes, everyone's financial situation is different but don't invite yourself to someone's house if you're not prepared to contribute properly to the costs when there! Plus regularly away on mini breaks and overseas holidays so not completely skint.

OP posts:
SwanOfThoseThings · 31/03/2025 07:36

I don't understand how you were forced into all of this.

Friend doesn't want to get the coach - you say, fine, you can drive, but I'm getting the coach.

Master bedroom - be firm that you are going to draw lots for it.

Not wanting to go on day trips - fair enough, she can amuse herself while the rest of you go.

Bringing sandwiches to pub - I'm surprised the pub management would let her eat her own food, but again, leave her to it and enjoy the meal.

Constant moaning - ignore or tell her bluntly to belt up.

Gift for your aunt - if you were expecting a substantial contribution this should have been discussed as part of the arrangements - you can't demand this out of the blue - the amount she has offered is a standard 'off the cuff' gift contribution amount such as you might give in an office whip round - you needed to manage expectations from the outset.

handsdownthebest · 31/03/2025 07:34

You already knew she was going to behave like that, so why take her and then come on here and complain about her. 🤷‍♀️

NetZeroZealot · 31/03/2025 07:33

Astonished at the lack of backbone from a few posters today

applemash · 31/03/2025 07:33

OldCottageGreenhouse · 31/03/2025 01:26

Omg! Please please tell me you didn’t just say “Okay” or similar. If you don’t say something like “Given that she allowed us to stay for two nights for free and it could’ve cost us at least £200+ each, I think we need to dig a little bit deeper, don’t you? I was thinking £50 each. Shall I send you my bank details?”

Frankly, I’m amazed you said yes to the whole thing to begin with. A date wouldn’t have been set without you saying “Okay” at some point.

Edited

I also voted YABU for this exact reason. She is being a CF because you are all letting her and then getting secretly resentful and angry about it but wont express it to her- bloody tell her!

B1anche · 31/03/2025 07:31

I would definitely shame her on the group WhatsApp about the £5... "🤣 £5? Very funny CF, no I think £40 per person will cover Aunt's laundry and utility costs. Here are my bank details. "

It's too late for the rest if the Cfery which should have been addressed at the time.

Incidentally, why are you friends with this person? She sounds horrific.

MellowCritic · 31/03/2025 07:29

Wow never seen such a bandwagon response in all my time here. Yes op shouldn't enable. I also don't understand why op even mentioned it to ppl that she has access to her aunts home. Me personally wouldn't mention stuff like that for this exact reason of any inappropriate persons asking for access too. But to all the posters coming on here acting like they all so tough and blaming op, I'd say more then likely you've all enabled or turned a blind eye to someone in your whole lives because sometimes it's easier and we see it day in and day out.

Simrin · 31/03/2025 07:27

What do the other two people in the group think of this situation?

lazycats · 31/03/2025 07:10

If you said nothing and allowed such behaviour to stand you’re part of the problem.

ThejoyofNC · 31/03/2025 07:03

It's always the same with these CFs, they carry on because people allow them to. Do you have a group chat? I'd be calling her out in it.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 31/03/2025 07:01

I think yabu because you've allowed yourself to be rail-roaded by the cf person all the way.
Rather than proffering excuses about her visiting the holiday home, you could have merely said, my aunt only lets family members use it when it's not let for money. Or you could have said, 'we like to use it for family, not friends'.
You and the other guests could have -shamed' her into going to the things your aunt arranged, but it seems that this little group is comprised of those unable to use their words to tell this person to behave differently, or tell this 'cf' they are no longer welcome in the group.
You all are facilitating her behaviour by allowing it.

Coconutter24 · 31/03/2025 06:59

She is a CF but these people only get away with it if we let them

MinnieCoops · 31/03/2025 06:58

I think being a doormat is worse than being a CF

BusyMum47 · 31/03/2025 06:55

@Willowthewhip

Jesus Christ, why do you all give in to this awful woman??

Just tell her to feck off!! Why on earth would you let her take the master suite & then be rude to your aunt?? Shame her for not contributing properly to a gift, let this weekend be a lesson & cut her out of your lives!!

jeaux90 · 31/03/2025 06:42

So absolutely none of you said anything to the CF when you were made to put your bags on your laps, she claimed the en-suite, whined about everything including to your relative, took sarnies to the pub and now won’t contribute. Nothing was said?

anon12345anon · 31/03/2025 06:36

ForZanyAquaViewer · 31/03/2025 01:33

YABU if you didn’t actually open your mouth and say something while all this was happening.

The passivity of some posters is almost worse than the CFery they are willing to tolerate. FFS!

100 % this

Zanatdy · 31/03/2025 06:18

Why did you let her claim the master suite? Your Aunt, your choice, or let the driver decide. Sounds like you let her do what she wants. I’d have told her not to bring a sandwich to the pub too. £5 is ridiculous. I’d be binning her off.

Horses7 · 31/03/2025 05:55

Sadly the fault is yours.

nomas · 31/03/2025 05:39

I voted YABU for letting yourself get into this. When she told everyone you’d invited them all, you should have said there was clearly a misunderstanding. When she tried to bring so many bags, you all should have said no. When she asked for the master bedroom, you should have said no,

Tbrh · 31/03/2025 05:00

ForZanyAquaViewer · 31/03/2025 01:33

YABU if you didn’t actually open your mouth and say something while all this was happening.

The passivity of some posters is almost worse than the CFery they are willing to tolerate. FFS!

💯

Underthepalmtree · 31/03/2025 04:56

I agree with the others, all of this is down to you. You knew what she was like and you literally laid yourself out like a doormat. Don't be surprised when she wipes her feet on you.

There will always be people who take advantage in life. That's when you have to use your big girl voice and say No.

Richiewoo · 31/03/2025 04:48

This person is a cf. Most of the problem is you letting them do it.

LBFseBrom · 31/03/2025 04:29

OldCottageGreenhouse · 31/03/2025 01:26

Omg! Please please tell me you didn’t just say “Okay” or similar. If you don’t say something like “Given that she allowed us to stay for two nights for free and it could’ve cost us at least £200+ each, I think we need to dig a little bit deeper, don’t you? I was thinking £50 each. Shall I send you my bank details?”

Frankly, I’m amazed you said yes to the whole thing to begin with. A date wouldn’t have been set without you saying “Okay” at some point.

Edited

I quite agree, this all sounds too far fetched to be real.

Christmasmorale · 31/03/2025 04:27

But I wouldn’t be putting someone else’s bags on my lap during a car journey how does that happen? CF wouldn’t have been getting in the car at that point and you’d have all been spared the misery of her selfishness that weekend.

There were plenty of opportunities to stop the behaviour. Anyway, ask her to contribute more.

I imagine your aunt’s cleaning and laundry costs will be at least £50, so £5 wouldn’t cover her share of the cleaning costs let alone a gift

2021x · 31/03/2025 04:19

I see everyone having a crack but CF are draining. I have a friend who is happy to showy with her health but is soooooooooo tight with group things.

If I don’t invite I don’t get to see her.. and I like her rally tough situation.

Fraaances · 31/03/2025 04:13

Why the actual fuck do people keep enabling these CF’s? Use your words, people!