Cheap engagement ring. AIBU

Are you after a ring or marriage? you sound about 12 and £379 is not cheap. You have been watching too many movies.

Cannot speak for everyone, but my negative reply was based on her insulting other posters as having low standards.

But you had two kids and a 10 year relationship first - how is that high maintenance/effort? You clearly didn’t value/prioritise marriage before all that so why get so hung up about a ring now? Surely you should have held out for one before if it’s that important to you? I don’t get it!

Nope, DH didn't get down on one knee. We just agreed to get married, bought an engagement ring then got married three months later. Been married 18 years and counting...I don't have patience for all that romantic shite.

You might consider yourself to be high maintenance but the man you’ve agreed to marry clearly doesn’t see you that way (if we’re considering his proposal “low effort”).

If the ring and proposal weren’t high maintenance enough for you, why did you say yes?

Attacking other commenters because they would be happy with how much your fiance spent on a ring doesn’t really work when you’re the one who accepted his proposal.

10 years and 2 kids later I would say the OTT romantic proposal ship has sailed and you probably have better things to spend your cash on.

That guide was made up as a clever piece of marketing in the 1930s by De Beers, a diamond company, to sell more diamonds.

I don't think either of you really love eachother or are glad to have the other in your lives. You want to feel madly in love and adored in return. It's just not there unfortunately.

You sound overly invested in the proposal as opposed to the relationship. Is he a good man? Is he kind, hardworking, supportive and loving? I think you have watched far too many Disney films. There are things far more important than getting down on one knee with an expensive ring.

It's confusing that you want grand gestures and romantic proposals like you see on tv, but you've already had 2 kids and been together 10 years. If you wanted to do it like you see in the movies, you'd have got married before you had kids.

Anyway, it's definitely out of order to look up the price of the ring because it means absolutely nothing in terms of the quality of the relationship.

If you're not happy with him then don't marry him, he isn't going to change after 10 years together.

I think you have bigger things to worry about than the ring and the proposal. Like considering if you even really want to be in a relationship with this man, because it doesn’t sound like it!

I think it’s because you said it was a cheap engagement ring is why you’re getting negative replies . £379 is not a cheap ring .

@Butchyrestingface

Look, it's all relative. We don't know OP's and her other Half's finances.
If they haven't got a pot to piss in and are skint £379 is expensive.

Generally the guide is a month's wages or more, however, I guess it's down to your life circumstances and what you want to spend your money on.

@Georgia1105 I personally couldn't wear something everyday that I didn't like so would be having a chat. How are his finances?

OP, you have children - if your DP had gone out and splashed £5,000 on an engagement ring, then you could have been put out that it was too much money. Once I had DC, all my money went on them. Wouldn’t you rather have, say, a holiday for all of you than an expensive piece of jewellery just for you? The proposal might not have been the most romantic, but OP, that ship has sailed - the important thing is that he wants to marry you, not that you have a knuckleduster of a ring, or had to wait until he could engineer a trip to Paris to propose!

Oh come on . You’ve been together for 10 years and have kids . He already gave you an engagement ring but you broke it off and told him you didn’t want to be engaged anymore . Guess he’s thinking well , she could do that again. He probably doesn’t like to be told what to do either. Would you. ?

You’re too focussed on the performative parts and not giving enough attention to the important parts, like, do you actually want to be married to this man?

Theres a direct and causal relationship between how expensive women expect their wedding and associated paraphernalia to be and divorce rates. I wonder why?

I get it, you want a bit of effort and thought put into it, I would as well. I'm not married ( well divorced) and my dp and I have no intention in getting married but I do like jewellery and I have got a few bits for presents from him and there has been more effort ( and cost) put into getting them than your engagement ring.

Are you wanting a big meringue wedding, OP?

Have you planned the wedding or is it just a gesture to keep you happy? It doesn't sound great to me either tbh, does he ever take you out for dinner? Buy you flowers for no reason?

That's very shallow, sadly.
I don't understand this constant need for validation measured by money spent. It's ridiculous, tasteless and shallow. People can show they love and care in a myriad of non-financial ways. But of course, such £££££less gestiures are not so suitable for social media sharing or bragging. The fact he proposed while you were poorly, ragged and miserable is quite a demonstration that he loves you in sickness and in health.
However, leave him if he's not delivering; or have an honest conversation with him, tell him what you want.

How much do you think your ring should cost OP?

I've never understood this. Marriage is a sign of dedication and commitment from BOTH. He's been with you ten years, had two kids, and he's still there willing to marry you. The proof he's serious is right in front of your eyes!

There are women in here who have £10,000 rings, with £50,000 weddings who are single now. Women who would kill for a nice, committed man, and you're playing the "I want a grand gesture" card ten years in.

The ring and proposal are nice to have but are the very minor things in your relationship and future marriage. I still believe the engagement is a commitment to marry and any serious engaged couple will talk about that future together

it’s a question of what you want, you said you already had a ring so you considered yourself engaged before I think? Do you want to marry this man?

If money is an issue then fair enough! But he does sound like he just grabbed the first one on the website which was on special offer! No thought in picking the ring, no thought in the proposal! It is the low effort issue more than anything! Effort doesn’t equal expense - he could have done a number of inexpensive things to propose! Does he lacks confidence? Or just doesn’t have a clue about women or romance……or he can’t be bothered! My step dad is very low level effort and each birthday, Christmas and wedding anniversary it’s the same disappointment every single time for my mum! Who doesn’t want a fuss made over them now and again…..you’re worth it! And he should think the same!