Cheap engagement ring. AIBU

I e literally no idea how much my ring was. I got the big proposal abroad in a beautiful place. No ring at the time. A plastic one so o could choose. But o don’t recall prices when I chose. And within 10 years we were separated and getting divorced after 2 kids. So big gestures and expensive rings don’t signify forever.

Does he make an effort with Christmas and birthday gifts? Mine is simply 100% hopeless at anything like that. No proposal and no ring. 28 years later and it’s not really made one jot of difference. I knew what he was like and still thought it was a good idea to get married so I did. If it’s symptomatic of his general way and you love him then don’t see the problem, if he’s usually more thoughtful and excited by these rituals then maybe he’s not really into it so you need to make a judgement on whether it’s you or the concept of marriage he’s disinterested in and decide accordingly what to do.

Is it him or his money that matters?

She already had the nothing ring and nothing proposal and stayed slither first time it's got nothing to do with what he has bought and fully about the effort put into it. If had put effort into looking for the ring and picking it out if he had out effort into the proposal instead if leaving it in the bag. I do t think she would be softened by a 30pound ring

My ring cost more than that 25 years ago, but, that was before kids. Now, with three kids, we couldn't spend that much. Or if we could, there would be something for the kids or house that i would think is more of a priority.

Is an engagement ring something to be "proud" of? I don't know, that seems a weird emotion- I would be more proud of having a stable relationship and loving family to be honest. I didn't get the romantic proposal either, but all these years later there are so many things more important. I wonder if you are feeling negative to it all as a symptom of unhappiness overall. If romance is important to you, communicate this- work on your relationship and you might find the size of the ring doesn't matter two hoots.

I don’t think the ring is the problem really, is it?

What did you do with the first engagement ring?

Yeah this is true op, either make a stand or just leave it tbh

You can force him to pay a bit more but it would just be you forcing him

I'd focus on making sure he really wants to be there and reapply appreciates you

Low effort is him not marrying you not what ring he buys.

Isn't it a bit silly to be talking about a proposal, down on one knee, fiance, 'a lady deserves....' etc?

You've been together 10 years and have two children!

It is very much down the lower end of the market, especially for an engagement ring.

The Good Ship Princessy Footstamp sailed about 10 years and 2 kids ago, OP.

I don't think your feelings are about the price of the ring tbh. You're equating the price with his effort.

My husband proposed with a ring that cost £100, but arranged a huge surprise party at a place special to us, had all of our loved ones waiting upstairs, took me to the place where we had our first date, and proposed in the queue exactly where we first met. The ring is gorgeous and 6yr on I still love it. And have lovely memories of the day.

Your man could have spent 5k and you'd still be sad cos he just doesn't show any real interest in marrying you or being romantic. I get it, you've done everything so back to front he might feel a bit daft getting down on one knee and planning something special for the second engagement to the woman he's been with a decade and put two babies into lol. But it's okay to want what you want. And if he won't even meet you halfway it just all feels a bit lacklustre to me.

I've been engaged (and subsequently married) twice - first marriage was 24 years and I have been married to my current husband for 13 years. Neither of them went down on one knee to propose - thank god! My first husband proposed while we were cooking dinner, my second husband while we were in bed after going out for dinner for my birthday. My ring cost £169 (which was very inexpensive even 15 years ago)
I'm afraid I really don't get all this need to be treated like a Princess. Aren't you equal partners?

A proposal is a simple question: "Will you marry me?" If you told him that he has to ask you to marry him, then YOU have just proposed to him. The rest is just performative fluff, so you don't have your feminine pride dented by having been the one who asked.
If you've been together ten years, have two kids and aren't married yet, then I'm not sure you both actually want to be married, in which case why get engaged?
Engagement is supposed to be the brief bit between asking and doing. It confers no change in status; if one of you were to die or leave, the other one would be in exactly the same position as if you hadn't bothered. The price of the ring is the least of the questions with this engagement.

@Nessastats
OMG I fell for it 🤦🏼‍♀️
Or rather my DH did.

In @Georgia1105 there are a few things you need to clarify:
Do you like the ring?
Is the reason you don't like the ring because of the price?
What kind of ring would you like?
Are you able to afford it?

I got engaged before I had DC. If I bought an engagement ring now I am sure I would get something cheaper as we have other priorities in our lives.

You can get lovely rings for that price

This. Engagement is a ridiculous concept anyway, particularly if you have two children and are living together.

I’m always bewildered by threads like this. If you’ve been living together for years, and even more so if you’ve got children together, what is the point of getting engaged? Surely you don’t live with someone and have children unless you are both certain that you want to commit to each other for the rest of your lives? I suppose a small token ring is nice once you’ve decided to get married, but it’s fairly meaningless. And to whinge about the amount your fiancé is spending on a ring is so tacky and grabby.

It is not the cheap ring that would bother me, his lack of effort is annoying.
I can't see him suddenly changing.
You are off the market over a decade.

Honestly you both sound as if you're behaving like children but I think all the drama and fuss around "engagement" is ridiculous anyway and that's probably the main cause of the problem. Get married if you want to get married, don't if you don't but the engagement is an anachronistic side-issue.

You're fixated on the cost of the ring and him creating a "special, memorable moment" of the sort that just doesn't really happen outside of Hollywood. He can't really be arsed with it and isn't really making much effort but I don't blame him if you're being such a diva about it and making it all about the ring.

You've got two kids and have been together a decade: now is not the time for playing Princess. You should have had a grown up discussion about this some years back if marriage was important to you: this is all a bit previous.

Nickel and diming him over the cost of a ring which you care more about than he does is never going to end well.

My parents were married in 1962 & were married for 58 years until my DF died. DF didn't give DM an engagement ring as he said he wanted to marry her, not to get engaged (they got married 6 months after meeting). He did finally give her a lovely engagement ring for their 25th wedding anniversary.

Apparently he didn't get down on one knee to propose. He took her out to test drive a car that he was thinking of buying and the brakes failed. When they finally got safely home, he said to mum 'I think, since I've nearly killed you, that we'd better get married; what do you think?' LOL!

“Every woman deserves a decent quality ring in my opinion if the man wants to be the one to take her off the market…”

But you’re already “off the market”, aren’t you? So many women who give the milk for free then feel annoyed he doesn’t want to buy the cow.

That said the lack of effort / magic / romance maybe due to the fact you are basically living as a defacto married couple.

I agree with you. Effort is important and it sounds as if he has made none for what should be a big moment.

As for the cost of the ring….it really depends. How much does he earn, how much is he willing to spend on other things in life important to him?

I would look at it in that context. The amount spent could be a lot or a little. And if other people are happy with cheap rings that doesn’t need to hold any relevance for you.

Firstly in terms of the effort, a little bit of romance, choosing a nice time to do it etc, YANBU.
A proposal/engagement is always going to be a memory of some sort and it would be nice and completely reasonable to think that a bit of time and thought had been put into how/when.

However, the reaction to the price, YABU.