Page 2 | Cheap engagement ring. AIBU

Georgia1105 · 2025-03-30T23:48:21+00:00

Hi. I’ll give you full picture, I’d really like to know others opinions on whether I’m being unreadable or not. So me and my fiancé have been together 10 years. We have 2 children together. My first engagement ring was about 6 months into our relationship. He never really ‘proposed’ to me. He just casually looked at rings and we discussed which ones I liked. I think I may have even put something towards the ring I’m not entirely sure. I was young and just happy to be proposed to. Although I have a different view now being 34 years old.. back then I was happy. Some years later we briefly separated and I told him I didn’t want to engaged. When we got back together, I said he’d have to propose again and properly. As he never officially asked me the first time. There was no emotional moment of getting down on one knee or anything like that. I believe every lady deserves that sort of effort from the man she’d be spending the rest of her life with. Anyways months later he ended up asking me to marry him when I was feeling icky, sat on my sofa with greasy hair and on my period. The kids were in the room. It wasn’t Romantic at all. I mean can this man not put any effort in? And the ring well…. He left it in the gift bag so I looked up the store he bought it from. As soon as I go onto the website … boom it’s there. The price was £379 or there abouts. So he didn’t spend much on it at all…. Nor did it seem like he put much thought into searching for a ring which I might like. Just the first one that pops up on the website. I can’t help but feel cheated out of a nice romantic proposal and a half decent ring. I can’t even stand to wear it never mind look at it. I feel angry. I’d like genuine thoughts am I being reasonable here?

beachgirl2 · 01/04/2025 12:17

Calliecarpa · 01/04/2025 11:43

So why didn't she propose to him and make it special and romantic, instead of waiting year after year for him to do it? What I find frustrating is the way so many women on this thread are so in thrall to highly gendered roles and stereotypes. 'He is a man so he must make me feel special with an elaborate proposal and an expensive ring! I am a woman so I must passively wait to be asked for my hand in marriage!'

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You're right. Women should have to do everything. She only gave him two kids - far too much to expect him to propose as well! She should have put it on her own to do list!

Picklelily99 · 01/04/2025 12:10

Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 01:08

31 years ago that would have been an expensive ring. Mine was £300 today…

It's nearly a £400 ring.

Calliecarpa · 01/04/2025 11:43

beachgirl2 · 01/04/2025 08:27

Created an account just to say I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, and I'm really sorry you feel disappointed in the proposal. You deserve to feel special and I hope there will another opportunity that he can show you that you're cherished.

Feel quite frustrated that people are suggesting you're being 'princessy' or entitled for expecting the bare minimum of effort. I'm sure if you were the one proposing you'd have gone out of your way to make it special and romantic for your partner - I genuinely don't get this attitude that women should be grateful for whatever scrap of attention a man throws their way. Apparently the bar is on the floor!

So why didn't she propose to him and make it special and romantic, instead of waiting year after year for him to do it? What I find frustrating is the way so many women on this thread are so in thrall to highly gendered roles and stereotypes. 'He is a man so he must make me feel special with an elaborate proposal and an expensive ring! I am a woman so I must passively wait to be asked for my hand in marriage!'

LadyIce2 · 01/04/2025 10:01

You are making it all about you really. Some people (particularly men) are just not good at planning a big romantic proposal (and as you've already built a life together with two children it is just a formality at this stage). He might have felt it's a bit silly to do a big romantic proposal for someone he already spends his life with. Just like how some people don't want a big wedding, some people feel embarrassed at doing a showy proposal.

If you had strong opinions on the ring, you should have picked out exactly what you wanted and asked for it.

Ultimately whilst you could have dictated every romantic step of the proposal, you want someone who innately understands romantic gestures and that clearly isn't him.

UnicornBubble · 01/04/2025 09:40

Laststraw25 · 31/03/2025 03:46

The issue here is that he didn’t listen, nor care enough to make this memorable for you.
I think it signifies complacency and a lack of effort. The reason you can’t look at it is maybe the feeling of being let down one too many times?

Or maybe she was asking for something he wasn’t comfortable with. Not everyone is comfortable with “grand gestures”, if she really wanted one then she could have asked him herself instead of expecting him to be the one to put the effort in.

UnicornBubble · 01/04/2025 09:34

So you want the grand gesture but what if that makes him uncomfortable?!?! What’s more important?

Your engagement sounds just like mine and I would never hold it against my DH! A “grand gesture” would have just been stressful for him. And my ring was only £199 and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Just to add, I am the romantic in the relationship, but I can also be realistic in my expectations from someone who isn’t as comfortable with romance as I am.

So what effort have you gone to to declare your undying love for the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? How much did you spend on his commitment ring?

Expletive · 01/04/2025 08:51

Why do you need a ring? If there is no intention to marry, you aren’t engaged.

JamSandwich27 · 01/04/2025 08:46

I don’t think the price of the ring matters. I think mine was under £500 🤷‍♀️ However, my DH went all out on the actual proposal and it was so sweet and romantic, really putting me first. It sounds like he couldn’t be bothered and that’s what would have been upsetting to me, not the price of the ring.

davindersangha · 01/04/2025 08:45

Crashin · 31/03/2025 17:45

I completely disagree. Everyone deserves to feel special and romantic, not just those in their 20s or who have lots of money. DH was 43 and we had one child when he proposed to me, proper ring and planned proposal.

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What's a "proper" ring?

beachgirl2 · 01/04/2025 08:27

Created an account just to say I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, and I'm really sorry you feel disappointed in the proposal. You deserve to feel special and I hope there will another opportunity that he can show you that you're cherished.

Feel quite frustrated that people are suggesting you're being 'princessy' or entitled for expecting the bare minimum of effort. I'm sure if you were the one proposing you'd have gone out of your way to make it special and romantic for your partner - I genuinely don't get this attitude that women should be grateful for whatever scrap of attention a man throws their way. Apparently the bar is on the floor!

STARCATCHER22 · 01/04/2025 06:38

Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 16:43

I appreciate that! I don’t understand this notion that because we’ve been together 10 years - I deserve a low effort proposal? Should effort not be made for the entire relationship? Otherwise we’d be better parting ways…

People aren’t saying you deserve a low effort proposal. You came after other posters saying they had low standards and that you are high maintenance. People have simply responded to let you know that you aren’t as high maintenance as you think.

The fact that it’s been 10 years and you already have 2 children together does make a difference. If you were “high maintenance” you wouldn’t have had children with him before the big, romantic proposal that you want and the flashy diamond ring on your finger.

Welshmonster · 31/03/2025 22:49

The cost of the ring means nothing. My ring was £600 nearly 20 years ago and is broken. I keep meaning to get it fixed but don’t have the spare cash.

is it worth spending what you think is a decent amount or would you rather take the family on a nice trip away or pay a babysitter and go out as a couple.

if you really don’t like the ring and can return it or swap it then do so. It will just bug you otherwise.

Vannymcvan · 31/03/2025 20:59

Fuck me, this man has bought you not one, but two engagement rings, and you're still moaning. You really aren't making yourself look good here.

Mikumiku · 31/03/2025 20:19

Vettrianofan · 31/03/2025 07:00

Nope, DH didn't get down on one knee. We just agreed to get married, bought an engagement ring then got married three months later. Been married 18 years and counting...I don't have patience for all that romantic shite.

Edited

Same here! Conversation went something like this:

DH - Do you want kids?
Me - yeah
DH - Do you want to be married before we have them?
Me - That would be nice
DH - Shall we get married then?
Me - OK

Been happily married 11 years this Saturday!

Butchyrestingface · 31/03/2025 18:29

I only plan on getting married once. I want it to be a romantic, memorable moment. If it’s going to be half assed then what’s the point?

The point is to provide security for yourself and your minor children. Nothing more because all other ships have long since left port.

slashlover · 31/03/2025 18:24

Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 16:40

Well I appreciate all of you, and your replies. This has certainly put things into perspective for me. I don’t want a lavish wedding or a lavish dress. I’d like to elope just to the 2 of us with a random witness if I could get away with it. I’m autistic and I don’t like all eyes on me and social aspects of weddings. I just like nice jewellery and unlike the dress - it has to stand the test of time. A lot of valid points have been made. I do disagree with the fact that no effort should be put into a proposal just because we’ve been together 10 years and have two children. I only plan on getting married once. I want it to be a romantic, memorable moment. If it’s going to be half assed then what’s the point? People re-new their vows after 40 years together and they can be full of love and romance. I guess there is no ‘perfect proposal’ and doing in it the lounge was just fine. As for the ring I still want an upgrade. My man does well for himself haha 😛

How much do you think the ring should cost OP and how much will you be spending on his ring/grand gesture?

Toooldtopretend · 31/03/2025 18:18

Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 02:01

Thanks this is generally how I’m feeling. It’s important to me to have a grand gesture from the man who wants me to spend the rest of my life with him. Not some shitty half assed effort in the front room. I’m not materlistic in terms of I don’t care for an expensive gown or wedding venue. I’d be happier and must more comfortable if it was just the two of us. But a ring has to last a whole lifetime. Every woman deserves a decent quality ring in my opinion if the man wants to be the one to take her off the market… the question now is what should I do? Complain about the ring and proposal? I did actually say to him in the moment.. really ? Your doing this right now? And his response was ‘I just couldn’t wait’. Hmmmm. I feel he was pressured into doing it as he was being teased by friends of ours for having not done it yet. He swears that’s not the case but I think it is.

I had sympathy until your “take off the market” comment. Women are not a commodity!

Fancycheese · 31/03/2025 18:17

But you’ve accepted this behaviour for a decade and had 2 children with the man. He’s shown you who he is well before now. I’m amazed you’re surprised by this. Does he make an effort in any other area of your relationship?

ALJT · 31/03/2025 18:10

The way you have written this makes you seem almost shallow especially with the dig about cost. Some people the romance comes naturally, some it doesn’t…

Kazzybingbong · 31/03/2025 17:51

My wedding ring was £10 on Amazon. We got married in New York and I couldn’t care less about my ring. However, my husband is a goodun and we have a great relationship.

Sounds like you don’t really like him?

Haditwithallofthisrubbish1 · 31/03/2025 17:50

I would want a bit of a grand gesture when I get a proposal yes as I would want my partner to make me feel really special. I don't like jewellery, I never have but over £300 sounds a lot to me. I do want a really gorgeous dress though. He should hopefully know you well enough to know what you like. If he doesn't, spell it out to him.

Crashin · 31/03/2025 17:45

JRM17 · 31/03/2025 17:35

I think you sound like a spoiled brat tbh. You really need to grow up, I think I actually feel more sorry for him. Yes big romantic proposals are lovely IF you can afford them and are 20. You've been together 10yrs and have 2 kids I think making it legal is just a formality at this stage. But I'd think long and hard about if it's what you both want because you sound like you want a Disney prince and he sounds like he needs a medal for putting up with your ungrateful self. Oh and as a side note my engagement ring was less than yours and I LOVE IT because it's from the father of my child, my wedding ring was £45 because at the time it was all we could afford and 6yrs down the line we still can't afford a more expensive one because expensive jewelery isn't a priority in our lives but our son is and that's who we spend our money on.

I completely disagree. Everyone deserves to feel special and romantic, not just those in their 20s or who have lots of money. DH was 43 and we had one child when he proposed to me, proper ring and planned proposal.

davindersangha · 31/03/2025 17:43

Materialistic. From a man's point of view I'd run a mile. Be grateful he proposed.

JoshLymanSwagger · 31/03/2025 17:42

Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 01:09

He is a good dad. And the rest of our relationship is pretty good at the moment. We’ve had problems but grown an awful lot. He makes me happy but I just wanted more thought and effort from him

DH didn't get down on one knee.
He decided a weekend break in the Lake District would be an ideal location, and it rained before we got there until after we left.
He proposed in the car in Windermere (I think - it all looked the same in the rain).
We did have some rather fantastic sex in the jacuzzi tho and watched the Monaco GP from the 4 poster bed

That ring lasted about a month (cost about £300) before a stone fell out, so I now own our third attempt which I chose after a further failure which cost a bit more, but I never wear it anyway. I don't wear my original wedding ring either, and our wedding was just us and 2 witnesses at a Reg Office - no dress, flowers, cake, party, etc.
We've been together for 20+ yrs. He's still my best friend.

You've already got kids with yours. I think you're putting too much emotional meaning in something that he doesn't care about - it's just a bit of metal to him. Maybe he'd rather spend more money on the kids or a family holiday?

JRM17 · 31/03/2025 17:35

I think you sound like a spoiled brat tbh. You really need to grow up, I think I actually feel more sorry for him. Yes big romantic proposals are lovely IF you can afford them and are 20. You've been together 10yrs and have 2 kids I think making it legal is just a formality at this stage. But I'd think long and hard about if it's what you both want because you sound like you want a Disney prince and he sounds like he needs a medal for putting up with your ungrateful self. Oh and as a side note my engagement ring was less than yours and I LOVE IT because it's from the father of my child, my wedding ring was £45 because at the time it was all we could afford and 6yrs down the line we still can't afford a more expensive one because expensive jewelery isn't a priority in our lives but our son is and that's who we spend our money on.