To think that not toilet training your child is borderline neglect?

Not being dry at night is completely normal for much longer. But I would certainly expect parents to have had a good go at toilet training before the child is 4 for daytimes. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t. For most, it will be fine by then.

Last year, I think it was, the Scottish media reported that the Scottish Government expected schools to work with parents to help with toilet training.

In the late 1990s, part of my secondary school senior teacher remit was primary liaison. Even at that time, my primary colleagues told me that there was an upsurge of pupils arriving in the reception class not having been toilet trained. In addition, some pupils were screaming the place down when expected to sit at a table in the dining hall or to use cutlery.

A friend who was a nurse theorised that parents have become much more laid back because disposable nappies and pull-ups lessen the urgency to toilet train children.

ETA To make it clear, I'm not talking about children with SEN or specific physical problems.

Lord I hope you don't go on about this to her! I'm.sure she knows her own child.

Mine was 3.5.(speech delay if that makes any difference) and nursery were pretty chill about it. I did want to get some headroom between potty training and starting school as he is a summer baby..He won't be dry at night for ages probably but who cares? It's not a reflection on me as a parent.

My child is 7 and still in nappies at night (fine during the day). Comments like yours make me feel more shit and useless than I already do. Thanks.

And who gets to decide if there's enough 'evidence' to excuse a family from being deemed "lazy", "neglectful", or whatever else?

With waiting lists and referral processes as they are, many children with additional needs and disabilities won't even have had their initial assessments by the time they're 4, and could still be years off getting a diagnosis and practical support (if any is even available).

Our child went to the toilet when they wanted how on earth is that neglect?

She’s 2. You are not a better parent because your child was toilet trained at 1 1/2. I hope your friend is able to dismiss your judgment of her…

YABU because children can differ wildly.
My eldest wasn't quite potty trained at that age. He's NT. He had the vague idea but still had accidents at night. He started nursery in pullups.
My middle daughter is ASD and was fully dry, day and night, by 2 and a half!
So are we lazy parents or not? We did the same things with both children.

So i think you are being very judgemental. Kids are SO different. And they are ready for potty training at a range of ages.
Ideally most would be toilet trained by 4. But you can't possibly know whether it's lazy parenting or not if they aren't.
Additional needs aren't all clear cut either. You can't just assume.

Be nice if we could all be a bit kinder and more supportive to each other instead of making snap judgements.

This

Op check your privilege.

Definitely, if there is no evidence of SEN.

My friend. Lovely bright daughter. Talking. Quite advanced for her age. 2 years old. Got no intention of trying to initiate potty training. Whereas my DD was dry by 1 1/2 in the day. Dry at night (mostly) by 2. Son is different. He took longer, but also started at 2. I wondered why nursery were so happy they were trained before starting. Given the number that aren't, I'm not surprised.

So, we're just ignoring how additional needs, disabilities and other factors can all contribute and going straight to making parents feel worse about themselves... How supportive.

It may not be black and white. My 11 year old nephew is still in nappies

What is it to you? Unless you are a member of staff at a school who has to change nappies in which case yes I can see it's a pain.

And what part of gentle parenting advocates for late toilet training?

This. No need to make a pointless sweeping statement of a thread about it!

It's really dependent on the child, sometimes. Three of mine were successfully potty trained by 2.5, which went reasonably smoothly. My last child fought it tooth and nail and was only potty trained fully by the time he was just over 4. He's recently been diagnosed with autism, which may explain why - I don't know. My view has always been that when they're ready, they're ready.

Yes it's different if a kid has SEN or etc, but the proportion of kids reaching primary school in nappies has risen significantly. This is laziness. The vast majority of kids are capable of learning well before this.

I feel as though there is alot of ' let children do it when their ready' kind of advice out there right now and while that's lovely some children you just can't do that. It's not helpful for parents.

Most children are toilet trained by 4 but some find it much harder and it takes longer. No big deal

Back in the day schools could refuse to allow kids in nappies to atrend school
Now they realise its discriminatory.

It’s definitely neglect

This attitude really pisses me off my disabled son was in nappies untill he waa 9/10 if posters really think keeping a child in nappies is easier than training a child then clearly they have never had to change the nappy of an older child
And why would a typically developing chils want to stay in nappies when they know all their peers are out of them??

Exactly this..

SN notwithstanding, it’s laziness.
You expect accidents in Reception children. But they should at least have an idea on how it works

Fair enough. I stand corrected

But the child has special needs whether or not they diagnosed. So in that case they might not be toilet trained. As every single person has said. But yes not training a child who could be trained is neglect.