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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu to think you don't shout at other people's children

215 replies

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/03/2025 22:01

Myself and toddler staying with friend and her husband and baby for the weekend. My toddler threw his cup of water against the wall. My friend REALLY shouted at my (just turned) two year old 'that was naughty! You did that on purpose! I'm not happy with you! Tantrum all you like you've been bad!'
I was really shocked and taken aback and took him down from high chair, took him back to say sorry after they had both cooled off but both friend and her husband were quite frosty with him still. He's only two!

I texted her today to say thanks for having us and offering to send paint out to her if needed (nb it was only water spilt!) and she said she'll tackle the wall this week- no reassurance that it's fine so I think she's still angry with my son/me. But I feel really shaken by this whole experience - I would never shout that angrily at someone else's child (or my own). What do people think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/03/2025 22:42

AirFryerCrumpet · 30/03/2025 22:40

Shouting at a 2 year old is just as naughty as throwing a cup and an adult should know better.

Whether or not a 2 year old 'should' know not to throw things, they do still throw things. Yes, correct the behaviour but shouting is unnecessary.

Yeah it was definitely him being naughty and throwing in frustration as he wasn't allowed to play with pouring the cups, but it's more the amount of shouting and the fact she held the grudge, shouted again a few mins later and made it really a award for the rest of the evening that I was taken aback by!

OP posts:
Original poster
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/03/2025 22:41

Just to answer questions above,I did absolutely tell him no that's not nice and take everything in front of him away from him (he did it as he wanted to pour into an empty yog cup and I'd said no as I thought he'd be messy and had just taken the yog cup away)
I'm more of a 'no' and take the stuff away and then teach what we DO do when he's calmer rather than shouting or making a big thing in the moment as he really feeds off that.

OP posts:
Peaceandquietandacuppa · 30/03/2025 22:40

Allswellthatendswelll · 30/03/2025 22:38

Entirely different scenario so not really sure how this is in any way relevant to anything. OP wasn't ignoring what happened. It
doesn't sound like the OP had a chance to parent in any way before her friend started yelling.

Show quote history

It’s a reply to the main question of the OP - “Aibu to think you don't shout at other people's children”

Agree that the friend didn’t really give OP a chance though.

AirFryerCrumpet · 30/03/2025 22:40

Shouting at a 2 year old is just as naughty as throwing a cup and an adult should know better.

Whether or not a 2 year old 'should' know not to throw things, they do still throw things. Yes, correct the behaviour but shouting is unnecessary.

Allswellthatendswelll · 30/03/2025 22:40

Sherrystrull · 30/03/2025 22:36

This. How will he know it’s wrong if you don’t tell him?

Show quote history

It doesn't sound like OP had a chance to as her friend started yelling at her child before she could react.

Allswellthatendswelll · 30/03/2025 22:38

SwordOfOmens · 30/03/2025 22:35

I have shouted before and will again.

Most recently, was at a petting zoo farm type place and a boy was chasing a chicken around and trying to kick it. His parents were watching, non plussed, even laughing at his antics while this hen was terrified.

So yeah I shouted "DO NOT CHASE THE CHICKENS, BACK OFF RIGHT NOW".

He did. Job done. What should I have done? The parents did not give a shit.

Entirely different scenario so not really sure how this is in any way relevant to anything. OP wasn't ignoring what happened. It
doesn't sound like the OP had a chance to parent in any way before her friend started yelling.

Talipesmum · 30/03/2025 22:38

Completely unreasonable of her. The best possible slant on it is that she sees your 2 year old as very grown up compared to her baby, and can’t quite understand how he can be so much older and more capable than a baby, but still immature enough to mess around and throw a cup of water. Yes a two year old does throw on purpose, but not like a 7 year old child would throw on purpose, or an adult. She’s treating him like he has the decision making ability and morals of a grown child. And still it wouldn’t be ok to shout like that if you’re not in charge of the child at the time.

eta - yes a 2 year old throwing a cup of water definitely needs telling off very strongly. Quite possibly you should have shouted or certainly very firmly told him off. But not her - I can imagine if you just laughed it off indulgently or didn’t say anything much, she would step in to say something, but what she said wasn’t ok.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 30/03/2025 22:38

SwordOfOmens · 30/03/2025 22:35

I have shouted before and will again.

Most recently, was at a petting zoo farm type place and a boy was chasing a chicken around and trying to kick it. His parents were watching, non plussed, even laughing at his antics while this hen was terrified.

So yeah I shouted "DO NOT CHASE THE CHICKENS, BACK OFF RIGHT NOW".

He did. Job done. What should I have done? The parents did not give a shit.

This. I see SO much of this type of thing. Kids who don’t queue because “they’re too young” ( direct quote from the parent when I told the little darlings to get off because there was a queue)

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 30/03/2025 22:36

I really don’t understand the throwing the cup - never experienced anything like that with 2 kids, by 2 they should understand not to throw drinks? But I do think that she should have waited to see your reaction and if she wasn’t happy, say to you “aren’t you going to tell him no” etc.

Sherrystrull · 30/03/2025 22:36

Gymmum82 · 30/03/2025 22:33

Shout no. But I would absolutely have told him off for throwing his cup. As I would expect you to have done as well. Cannot be arsed with this gentle parenting bollocks

This. How will he know it’s wrong if you don’t tell him?

SwordOfOmens · 30/03/2025 22:35

I have shouted before and will again.

Most recently, was at a petting zoo farm type place and a boy was chasing a chicken around and trying to kick it. His parents were watching, non plussed, even laughing at his antics while this hen was terrified.

So yeah I shouted "DO NOT CHASE THE CHICKENS, BACK OFF RIGHT NOW".

He did. Job done. What should I have done? The parents did not give a shit.

Thelondonone · 30/03/2025 22:34

I wouldn’t shout for that, at a child that age, though it is quite poor behaviour, even for a 2 year old. I would shout at an older child if they were in danger/danger of causing an accident and I do tell children off politely (when their parents don’t see/ignore).

Gymmum82 · 30/03/2025 22:33

Shout no. But I would absolutely have told him off for throwing his cup. As I would expect you to have done as well. Cannot be arsed with this gentle parenting bollocks

RobinHeartella · 30/03/2025 22:32

She is in for a shock when her baby becomes a 2yo.

Until then, I wouldn't visit this friend again

Allswellthatendswelll · 30/03/2025 22:30

YANBU. No one should be shouting at children, especially one so young, anyway. Yes we've all lost our rag before with our own which is not ideal. But I can't imagine shouting at someone else's very small child! If she's got a baby she has no experience of parenting toddlers anyway.

I'm sure someone will be on here to tick you off about your parenting or say "well my child would never do that" though as its mumsnet 🙄