Aibu to think you don't shout at other people's children

They're in for a rough ride as parents if they expect everything to be perfect with kids! Lesson learned. Keep your distance. 💐

Depends what they’re doing tbh

I've seen many on Mumsnet state that 'it takes a village (to raise a child)'. I presume they imagine 'the village' benevolently ensuring the safety of their child crossing the road, watching over them like so many guardian angels, helping them learn to ride a bike etc. Somehow they never imagine that 'the village' will tick their child off.

I'd have ticked your son off too, OP. I wouldn't have shouted but my voice would have been sharp and firm and accompanied by my now-perfected deathstare.

she sounds like an utter bitch all over. Wayyy over the top reaction to a 2 year old

What on earth, the ‘friend’ was being vvvvv unreasonable.

I’m not saying that I never shouted at my own 2 year old in frustration from time to time (wasn’t proud of it). However, I would never shout at another person’s child of that age, with the exception of them perhaps harming another baby/child. Even then, it’s absolutely ridiculous to expect a toddler to understand the content of what she was saying. She was bang out of order and the fact her annoyance continued is even more infuriating.

I just hope karma gets her in a year’s time when the quiet baby starts behaving like a toddler. Toddlers are by nature illogical, unpredictable, impulsive and emotional- you could be the best parent in the world and end up with an embarrassing toddler outburst at an inconvenient moment.

You can’t be serious. He’s two. He’s a large baby. He doesn’t have a malicious side, he has very limited impulse control and no ability to see the consequences of his actions. Removing the cup and briskly telling him not to do it again is all that is required.

@Unexpectedlysinglemumyanbu, shouting at a 2 year old should not happen unless there is a threat of danger.
i shouted at mine ONCE when she was just 2 because she ran off in a car park. Yes I’m fully to blame as she had never done this before and it was the same route we did to the same area 5 days a week, however I needed her to know NEVER to do that again. I felt AWFUL for weeks after but I needed the message to sink in and tbh I was ready to burst through fear and anger to myself. She could have been killed. Massive lesson to me there too.

My point though is, there may be times parents shout at their own child but ffs not over a cup up a wall. A firm/ louder no then a simple ‘we don’t do that’ or similar with the child then helping clean or having some time out equivalent is enough for a just 2 year old with a conversation after reminding the expected behaviour then MOVE ON otherwise children are being told off too much and they become numb to it.
this is how I was with dd and she now gets a different, firmer tone if it’s a ‘tell off’ and that’s enough, she listens and responds perfectly.

Op your ‘friend’ needs to stay away from your dc - she should not have shouted and said all that regardless of what he did. God help her when hers is a toddler!

I would reassess your friendship because you don’t sound on the same page at all.
You sound almost thankful to have this friend when many people in this situation would have torn a strip off the ‘friend’ for shouting at their child and left there and then.

go to some preschool groups and meet new people.

Well if she was a teacher that makes it worse, quite frankly, because although it is okay to tell a child off and say that was a bad / naughty thing that you did, you should never ever tell a child "you've been bad" or naughty. It is a bad action, not a bad child.

She was way over the top shouting at him like that anyway.

We’ve just had kids staying for the weekend. It’s so hard not to be frustrated when they trash the house over and over.

YANBU. There's a difference between talking to a child firmly who is hurting others when out and about and someone yelling at a 2 year old for throwing a cup in a home whilst their parent is right there. It is rather unhinged.

Whenever I have playdates and the other child is misbehaving I always let the parent deal with it in whatever way they want to. Some are firm, some are softer, that's their choice. I just sit there thinking thank goodness that isn't my child ha. Yelling at their child would never cross my mind.

How did he react when she bellowed at him?

Yes it's perfectly possible to parent consistently and have boundaries without shouting (I have shouted before but always regretted it). I'd only shout at a friend's child if they were in danger/ causing danger. I've taught for 15 years so I've no issue with telling other people's kids off (not by shouting) but not if the parents are there- it's not for me to parent other people's children.

When I had a baby and my friend's toddler poked him, I remember being incandescent with rage that this huge monster had even breathed the same air as my precious tiny. I freely admit its not rational...