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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu to think you don't shout at other people's children

215 replies

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/03/2025 22:01

Myself and toddler staying with friend and her husband and baby for the weekend. My toddler threw his cup of water against the wall. My friend REALLY shouted at my (just turned) two year old 'that was naughty! You did that on purpose! I'm not happy with you! Tantrum all you like you've been bad!'
I was really shocked and taken aback and took him down from high chair, took him back to say sorry after they had both cooled off but both friend and her husband were quite frosty with him still. He's only two!

I texted her today to say thanks for having us and offering to send paint out to her if needed (nb it was only water spilt!) and she said she'll tackle the wall this week- no reassurance that it's fine so I think she's still angry with my son/me. But I feel really shaken by this whole experience - I would never shout that angrily at someone else's child (or my own). What do people think?

OP posts:
Biffbaff · 31/03/2025 01:10

If I were you I would keep this one in your back pocket for when her own baby gets to 2 and beyond. You can remind her of her (frankly outrageous) behaviour towards your child and his perfectly normal behaviour then.

Ladyzfactor · 31/03/2025 01:09

Allswellthatendswelll · 30/03/2025 22:49

It really doesn't sound like it based on OPs responses.

Also friend is an adult, not a small child with limited impulse control. She should be able to control herself not to lose it with a child who isn't even her own.

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In all fairness parents can be the worst when it comes to actually seeing the inappropriateness of their childs behavior. I had a friend who would let her demon rainbow child destroy property, hit people, and bully other children. She always just waved it off that he was just a spirited child. A lot of people, me included, stopped being her friend. Her kid is now a pre-teen who nobody really likes and doesn't have a whole lot of friends.

Missey85 · 31/03/2025 00:46

I had a friend once tell me off for not telling her kid off when they did something wrong she didn't want her child thinking she could get away with bad behaviour just because mum wasn't around

thankyounextplease · 31/03/2025 00:33

I mean I'll shout at anyone, I don't care who they are. Dogs that try to shit in my garden. Random kids. The local mayor.

SwordOfOmens · 31/03/2025 00:18

Allswellthatendswelll · 30/03/2025 22:38

Entirely different scenario so not really sure how this is in any way relevant to anything. OP wasn't ignoring what happened. It
doesn't sound like the OP had a chance to parent in any way before her friend started yelling.

Show quote history

The question was aibu to shout at someone else's kid, I answered by sharing a scenario where it was entirely appropriate to shout. And I have no problem shouting at kids when I feel it's appropriate.

Gen X and give no shits whatsoever. Bratty kids get told.

Original poster
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/03/2025 00:10

DisabledDemon · 30/03/2025 23:52

Can't bear this gentle parenting stuff. It's bringing up a load of self-entitled little brats and frankly, the parents are no better. I can't tell you the number of times I've been in the supermarket whilst a child has been acting out and the parent's been going on with 'Oh no,we don't do that, darling, that's not nice, darling'.'

Grow up.

Out of interest, if you (for some mad reason) have a two year old in the supermarket not in a buggy, how do you make it behave nicely?

OP posts:
LadeOde · 31/03/2025 00:05

That doesn't sound very firm, it's the, 'That's not very nice', bit. It's a cup of water thrown up against someone else's wall, not some crisps chucked on the floor. In answer to your question, I'm with your friend, I'd shout at someone else's dc if i didn't see their parent parenting firmly and if they don't like it, tough.

Original poster
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/03/2025 00:00

@cadburyegg I'm not condoning it either it's really really annoying when he throws things

OP posts:
Original poster
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/03/2025 00:00

cadburyegg · 30/03/2025 23:58

I think you’re getting a hard time from some of the posters here. I find with some friends who have younger children, they expect my slightly older children to be impeccably behaved all of the time. They see older children as huge compared to their own so they expect more and treat them as if they’re adults. Then when they don’t behave how they expect then they think they are badly behaved. They also think my life is sooooo much easier than theirs….

I’m not condoning your child’s behaviour but ffs he’s 2 and it seemed like you dealt with it appropriately. Your friends seemed like they overreacted for the situation and should have apologised to you. I agree to step away from this friendship a bit. They are in for a shock in a year or two…

Ha yes I remember when mine was one thinking mine was so good at sharing compared to the two year olds we played with who wouldn't share any toys at all.. now I realise it's a two year old personality trait!

OP posts:
Allswellthatendswelll · 30/03/2025 23:58

DisabledDemon · 30/03/2025 23:52

Can't bear this gentle parenting stuff. It's bringing up a load of self-entitled little brats and frankly, the parents are no better. I can't tell you the number of times I've been in the supermarket whilst a child has been acting out and the parent's been going on with 'Oh no,we don't do that, darling, that's not nice, darling'.'

Grow up.

Go up to them and yell at their kids then if you think that's socially acceptable.

cadburyegg · 30/03/2025 23:58

I think you’re getting a hard time from some of the posters here. I find with some friends who have younger children, they expect my slightly older children to be impeccably behaved all of the time. They see older children as huge compared to their own so they expect more and treat them as if they’re adults. Then when they don’t behave how they expect then they think they are badly behaved. They also think my life is sooooo much easier than theirs….

I’m not condoning your child’s behaviour but ffs he’s 2 and it seemed like you dealt with it appropriately. Your friends seemed like they overreacted for the situation and should have apologised to you. I agree to step away from this friendship a bit. They are in for a shock in a year or two…

Original poster
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/03/2025 23:58

AliceMcK · 30/03/2025 23:50

So where exactly where you op? I have no problem with people correcting my child behaviour although never needed as I’m onto it first, but screaming at my 2yo and holding a grudge would result in me getting right in their face and asking what the fuck they think they are doing screaming at my baby! I honestly don’t think shock is an excuse, this is your baby and it is your responsibility to protect and speak for them.

Said firmly 'no, we don't throw, that's not nice' and then quickly removed other things off his high chair tray to stop him throwing them too and stood up to reach get kitchen roll (for the water)at that point my friend started the shouting as toddler continued shouting and then he started really trying to climb out and escalated so had to get him out of that room.

(No @sellotapechicken I wasn't asking for childcare! I was at the dinner table next to him at the time. Didn't even leave him with them to go to the loo as they have their own baby, mine comes to the loo with me!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/03/2025 23:55

LadeOde · 30/03/2025 23:51

What did you do @OP when your toddler threw the cup?

Said firmly 'no, we don't throw, that's not nice' and then quickly removed other things off his high chair tray to stop him throwing them too and stood up to reach get kitchen roll (for the water)at that point my friend started the shouting as toddler continued shouting and then he started really trying to climb out and escalated so had to get him out of that room

OP posts:
DisabledDemon · 30/03/2025 23:52

Can't bear this gentle parenting stuff. It's bringing up a load of self-entitled little brats and frankly, the parents are no better. I can't tell you the number of times I've been in the supermarket whilst a child has been acting out and the parent's been going on with 'Oh no,we don't do that, darling, that's not nice, darling'.'

Grow up.

LadeOde · 30/03/2025 23:51

What did you do @OP when your toddler threw the cup?

AliceMcK · 30/03/2025 23:50

So where exactly where you op? I have no problem with people correcting my child behaviour although never needed as I’m onto it first, but screaming at my 2yo and holding a grudge would result in me getting right in their face and asking what the fuck they think they are doing screaming at my baby! I honestly don’t think shock is an excuse, this is your baby and it is your responsibility to protect and speak for them.

Franjipanl8r · 30/03/2025 23:48

My gran who had 6 kids always used to say “don’t waste your energy shouting”. It’s completely pointless. Discipline and rules are one thing but raising your voice as a parent is a waste of energy. Shouty parents create shouty kids, not nice kids.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/03/2025 23:42

Fragmentedbrain · 30/03/2025 22:49

To be honest if he doesn't get his malicious side in check people will do worse than shout at him down the line
I know I know he's only two but all the better to embed reactions while the stakes remain low

Holy fuck. 🤦‍♀️

sellotapechicken · 30/03/2025 23:36

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/03/2025 23:25

I've seen many on Mumsnet state that 'it takes a village (to raise a child)'. I presume they imagine 'the village' benevolently ensuring the safety of their child crossing the road, watching over them like so many guardian angels, helping them learn to ride a bike etc. Somehow they never imagine that 'the village' will tick their child off.

I'd have ticked your son off too, OP. I wouldn't have shouted but my voice would have been sharp and firm and accompanied by my now-perfected deathstare.

Completely agree! I bet op never says no and only says sadly ‘oh darling we use kind hands’ when her child is hitting and snatching things.

don’t be friends with them if you don’t want them to say anything about your ineffectual parenting @Unexpectedlysinglemum. maybe stating a thread on a massive uk parenting forum about a specific incident wasn’t the best idea. Would you happy with the chance your ‘friend’ sees this shared by Mumsnet on Facebook or picked up by the daily mail? Perhaps that’s the best thing that can happen and you won’t be friends anymore

Allswellthatendswelll · 30/03/2025 23:35

sellotapechicken · 30/03/2025 23:29

So It takes a village to you @Unexpectedlysinglemumclearly means ‘you can look after my child whilst I have a night off’ not tell my child off for throwing a cup at a wall. Are you also a ‘gentle parent’ I want you to come back when your kid is 14 and has never heard the word no

Has the OP actually asked for childcare from this friend? Or are you just assuming this as she's a single mum?!

If she was looking after OPs child for her, hypothetically, then in that hypothetical situation she could firmly tell him off (still no need for shouting) but as OP was right there to deal with it then there was no need for her to shout.

Original poster
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/03/2025 23:32

sellotapechicken · 30/03/2025 23:29

So It takes a village to you @Unexpectedlysinglemumclearly means ‘you can look after my child whilst I have a night off’ not tell my child off for throwing a cup at a wall. Are you also a ‘gentle parent’ I want you to come back when your kid is 14 and has never heard the word no

He definitely hears 'no' and has things taken off him. But not loud shouts lectures about about my feelings going on again throughout the evening as he just wouldn't understand the cause and effect.

OP posts:
SpringIsSpringing25 · 30/03/2025 23:32

Fragmentedbrain · 30/03/2025 22:49

To be honest if he doesn't get his malicious side in check people will do worse than shout at him down the line
I know I know he's only two but all the better to embed reactions while the stakes remain low

Malicious????

throwing a cup at a wall is not desirable, granted, but it's not malicious!!

Original poster
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/03/2025 23:30

OneFineDay13 · 30/03/2025 23:24

she sounds like an utter bitch all over. Wayyy over the top reaction to a 2 year old

Yup I agree, normally she is SO nice though! Like came and visited me lots when I was single with a new born brought me food over etc.
i think she is perfectionist type a and maybe needs to be controlling over keeping her environment look very clean and pretty to feel calm .
I have embraced the chaos in my house as I'd lose my mind if I didn't 🤣

OP posts:
sellotapechicken · 30/03/2025 23:29

So It takes a village to you @Unexpectedlysinglemumclearly means ‘you can look after my child whilst I have a night off’ not tell my child off for throwing a cup at a wall. Are you also a ‘gentle parent’ I want you to come back when your kid is 14 and has never heard the word no

Bridezillasista · 30/03/2025 23:28

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has been identified in real life, so we've agreed to take this down.